Saturday, March 26, 2011

When is Enough...Enough?

Yesterday, I just wasn't having a great day. I was feeling down. Really bad. Then I got 2 pretty horrible phone calls. My Mom called to let me know, a childhood friend of mine, had been found dead. I was in shock! I really couldn't believe it. And it made me sad. To think, maybe she just felt very alone. And needed someone to be there. I wish I could have been there.

Then, my bestie called. While I was talking to my Mom. To let me know, that they were flying her and Baby C to another hospital! She left me a voicemail. And when I got off the phone with my Mom, I called her right back. No answer. I pretty much tried all afternoon. With no luck. It made me feel horrible.

I had a horrible pit in my stomach. I had no information. Just my mind. Thinking of all the things that could have gone wrong. The last time we were in California, disaster struck. And now, I'm feeling in the same boat. With no one to turn to. My Guy and our friend were working. What was I supposed to do?

Yesterday, just wasn't a good day. I felt horrible. I had already been feeling bad. But this was worse. I tried reading. It wasn't working. Not at all. And I finally decided to call another friend of mine. Someone that I hadn't heard from in a while. I figured she would understand. Boy was I wrong!

She and I have been having a difficult time. As friends. I feel like I'm the only one, that is putting anything into this friendship. It's been nearly 2 years, since we've actually seen each other. It's been weeks, since we've talked on the phone. Which I'm always the one to call. She hardly ever calls me. But I was putting it out there. Hoping that we could set up a time and date to meet for lunch. For the last few months, we've tried. But fail miserably.

I've not been completely 100% into this. There's just something about the situation, that bothers me. Maybe it's because I know she is stealing when we go out. Yes, I know she is. It's been going on for years. Maybe that's why I don't push to meet up with her. Because I feel uncomfortable.

It's bad enough that I noticed it when we were out shopping. Like when she'd see a product, that I have in my purse. Then she'd ask me to show her where I bought it. She'd walk around the store with it. Then ultimately, decide she wasn't going to buy it. While I'm paying for my purchases, she is off wondering about in the store. And just a short time later, I see that product in her purse.

WHAT? She's stealing beauty products, stationary, dollar items. Yes. And it really bothers me. I don't believe in stealing. I can somewhat understand if you are a parent. And say, you can't afford something that your infant needs. But still. I have a tough time being "OK" with it. So when someone is stealing "luxury" items, I have no sympathy.

I've had a tough time. With just wrapping my head around all of this. Then the last few times that we've met up, I've noticed things missing from my purse and my car. So can you see why I'm hesitant? I mean, if you want that lipgloss, just ask me. 9 times out of 10, I'll give it to you. No need to steal from me too!

So when I'm the only one making the calls, it gets especially annoying. She doesn't give any kind of effort. All relationships, require some effort, from both parties. And when it's not there, well, you start to give up on it. And I'm feeling that way.

But I sucked it all up. I needed to just talk. And I was honestly, wondering how my friend was doing. So I called. This was before I learned of everything in the day. Before my day really began to tumble. There was no answer. So I called Enzo. We had a good, long talk. And I felt so much better! Then after a good lunch, I was feeling better. Until the bottom of my day, just fell out.

I was happily surprised, late in the afternoon, when my friend called me back. She seemed genuinely excited to hear from me. And we talked. Or I should say, she talked. And talked. And talked. When I tried to get a little of my worry out, I was cut off. She was not interested. Didn't want to hear about my friend. Or Baby C. Didn't care. I didn't know what to say. Or how to go about this.

I didn't want to fight. I just didn't have it in me. I was already emotionally drained. But when she completely cut me off, while talking about my dear friend, to ask about a beauty product. I didn't know what to say. I honestly didn't! What do you do with that? What kind of friend is that? And after I gave my opinion, she cut me off again.

I was so annoyed. But not letting it show. I was biting my tongue. Trying as hard as I could, to not blow up! We quickly went from talking about a beauty product, to my friend, to when I would be going home. The minute I told her it wouldn't be until mid April, that was it. She had to go.

I'm not sure what to do. My head knows. But my heart doesn't want to listen. I find myself in this position a lot. There are just certain friends, that honestly, I'm not sure why I'm friends with. They are what my priest calls "bottom suckers." They suck the life out of you. And just want to pull you down. They're miserable. And only think of themselves.

I know what I have to do. But it seems so abrupt. So final. So unexpected. But something that I need to do. I've been feeling so drained. Weighed down. Horrible. I know that this has been coming for a while. I've been putting it off. But I'm pretty sure, I've had enough. Enough of this bad friendship. And of this horrible friend.

In all honestly, I need to start taking care of myself. And nurturing the relationships that really matter. Not all this extra crap that's going on. I need to be a better friend, to my true friends. And I need to just cut strings with the bad ones. I know that it will make me feel better. And it will make me a better person in the end. ♥

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