Saturday, May 19, 2012

The Butter to My Biscuit

"Ya that happy to see me?" My Guy asks this silly question, as he walks into my dressing room last night. That sly sideways smile of his, makes my heart skip a beat! Maybe 2!!! Don't tell him, but between that smile, and those blue eyes, I just can't help myself!!! I just melt. :)

In all truth, I had just finished that last few lines, of that book, I'd been toting around all week. I read 6 or 7 books, a week. But once in a while, I happen upon a really good book. And it's a constant battle in my head. Do I read it quickly? Too see what's going to happen. Or make it last weeks? To enjoy it longer. This was one of those books. And those last few lines, made it all worth it!

I was happy with the ending of the book. As Manders was setting my hair in rollers. We were getting ready for the show. Cole was setting out the wardrobe for the night. Thinking about the fun show, later in the evening. Truth is, I was in such a GREAT mood!

The BBs are in town. My friends. My very best friends are here. For 2 glorious weeks!!! And here I am, on the moon! So happy. Hanging out with them. And my gorgeous Goddaughters.

Because the BBs are in town, I'm working with them. And the band, is working with this guy. It really is a match made in Heaven!!! We should be working together. But yesterday, it didn't quite happen that way. I found myself running around. Promoting the next 2 weeks events, on every local radio station. And this guy, was hard at work too.

It wasn't until that moment, when he walked in, that we'd finally had time to talk. I was so happy to see him. In all reality, he wasn't the reason for that specific smile. But 99.9% of the time, he's the reason for my smiles. :)

There's just something about this man. He makes my heart skip a beat. My lips can't help themselves, they turn up in a smile. Whenever he's around, I just smile. I crave a sweet kiss, from my Southern Gentleman! I get that spark of electricity, every single time we touch. The kind, that makes me realize, that loves is real.

Years ago, I was in a relationship. One that ended badly. I realized then, what I wanted in a relationship. In those dark moments, it hit me. Like that ball, shattering the window. I knew, I couldn't live like this. I knew, this was not what I wanted, or deserved.

Just days ago, I seen that man. Completely stressed out. Screaming at his poor little boy. Who was running through our local Albertson's. Pulling everything off the shelves. This man, was screaming. Losing it. Right there. In the middle of the cereal aisle.

In that moment, I knew, I'd made the right decision. That man, had once been good with kids. He'd helped me care for my nieces. Made sure we had family meals. That the girls went to school on time. That their tuition to private school was paid. That each one, knew we loved them. He'd had the patients to help with homework. Run kids to school activities. And even volunteered, to go on field trips. Because at the same time, I was working a full time job, going to school (25 credit hours), and starting my new internship at the hospital.

These days, he was fighting, with his sweet son. They couldn't agree on what color of grapes to buy. What cereal would be best. Or what this sweet little boy's favorite juice was...

I saw him. Defeated. This man, that I'd once loved. Had seen a future with. Had been through so much with. The one that I'd allowed myself, to once dream of a future with. It hit me like a ton of bricks. In his moment of need, I could only think..."I dodged a bullet."

Feeling guilty about that thought, I turned the corner. Managed to catch that sweet boy. He remembered me. I'd met him twice before. His daddy, was staying a good distance between us. I got down to his level, "Can we pick out your snacks? You and me together? No running." He nodded yes. And grabbed my hand.

We spent the next 20 minutes, slowly going through the store. Deciding on green grapes, strawberry wafer cookies, apple juice, Fruit Loops, pretzel sticks, string cheese, carrot sticks, pizza bites, and some frozen corn. I returned him to his daddy. Who'd spent the last 20 minutes angry, sitting on a bench. Near the front of the store.

No words were exchanged. Except for that sweet boy, "Tank you. Can you help me ext time too?" It broke me heart. I told him, the next time I seen him in the store, I'd help him too. I can't imagine what is going on there...

I turned around. Headed to pick out some avocados, corn tortillas, and strawberries. My original trip to the store, was supposed to have taken 5 minutes. By the time I was walking to my car, 1 bag in my hand, it had been an hour. And I couldn't help, but feel a sense of relief.

I'm not sure if anyone will understand this. Or how I can explain it. At the time we'd broken up, when everything had just melted before my eyes, I thought that was it. He was the only man that would ever love me. Now, what would I do?

But something about last night, made me realize, God has plans for us. That relationship, made me stronger. I'd had amazing boyfriends before that. Kind, gentle, loving. Something about the demise of this relationship, had shown me, everything I'd never put up with. That I was worth so much more.

Sitting in that chair. Feeling rather unattractive. As my friend put my hair in rollers. I had no makeup on. Sat there in one of this guy's old t-shirts, and a pair of torn sweatpants, I knew God had sent me to him. To this amazing man. To love him. To be loved by him. To share my life with.

It didn't matter what I looked like. That I more than likely, had onion breath. I'd just finished a quick snack. Or that we hadn't seen each other all day. He still makes my heart skip a beat. He still makes me feel beautiful. Loved. Important. And valuable.

When we got home, early this morning, it was the little things. The way he immediately gets out the car, and comes to open the door for me. Pulls me close to him. Kisses me, like I'm all that matters. Reaches for my hand, as we head inside. It's the fact that I don't have to tell him, but he goes to the fridge. Pulls out some water, and fruit. Meets me on the couch. And spends the next 3 hours, catching up on Grey's Anatomy with me.

It's the way, he gently strokes my hair. As I'm falling asleep. The way, he enjoys holding me, when I fall asleep. Not moving, so that I can get a few hours, worth of sleep. And it's the way, he looks me straight in the eye. Holding nothing back.

All those things, that we've gone through before this. They were to prepare us, for this relationship. It allows us to fully embrace it. And appreciate it. We don't take one thing for granted. Not one kiss. One snuggle. Or one moment. We appreciate each and every moment, we have together. However big or small. This, was always God's plan. And now, we just need to help each other. Help each other grow and prosper. Become stronger people together. He really is the butter, to my biscuit. ♥

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