The Truth...

The last few weeks have been challenging. Who am I kidding??? The last few months have. I've kept it pretty quiet. But in June, I suffered 2 concussions, in just a few days. It really did a number on me. By the end of July, I was still in a lot of pain. Having constant migraines. Being forced to take a temporary leave, from the hospital. Honestly, I really couldn't function.

A lot of this, has to do with my past. I was a cheerleader for 5 years. Competitive cheerleader. With a coach, that we nicknamed "Hitler." If you knew her, you'd know why. In my senior year, I was hurt. I suffered 10 concussions, in just 1 week. Everyone around me, could see that I was barely functioning. I'm almost positive, during that week, I spent more time in the nurse's office...than I did in my classes. :( But I tried to stay positive. Tried to hide my pain. My constant dizziness. And my constant nausea.

I'd convinced my parents, that I was OK. But also, begged my Dad to drive me to school. That entire week. And when it was time to head home, go to a game, or whatever other school activity I had...I'd ask a friend. Which was completely, out of the ordinary for me. By that Friday, I really was barely going.

I remember there being a school assembly. And just praying, that I'd make it through that hour. That included a dance performance, a cheer performance, and the other craziness that we were supposed to be doing. Sometime during our cheer performance, "That Girl," landed square on my head. And somehow, in that instance, I knew something was different.

I barely made it through that hour. In so much pain. Struggling to stand. The minute the gym cleared, my Dad was trying to figure out if I was OK. Other parents were arguing with my coach. By that night, I was on doctor's orders. No more cheering. Until I had healed. At least a 6 week period.

I remember the doctor, scolding my Dad. Who happened to be the one, that took me to the doctor. He explained how serious this was. How many concussions I'd had in just 1 week. And what my future would hold, if I didn't stop all of this. I was out for 6 weeks. No "ifs," "ands," or "buts" about it!

BUT, we were heading to Nationals. In just a few weeks. What was a girl to do? Oh, my coach was not pleased!!! Not at all. I couldn't dance, in her dance class. I couldn't workout, practice, or do anything at games. Pretty much, if it was something that challenged me physically, I couldn't do it. If it was too loud, I was to remove myself. If it was too chaotic, I was to be no part of it.

But it was Nationals. My coach was beyond angry. The trip was paid for. And it was my senior year. After about 10 days, I talked to my parents. If I continued to be benched, not be involved in anyway, in stunts, and just took it easy...they'd let me go.

This is the point, that most people would think, we're all crazy!!! We were. But I was determined. I became the official "Sign and Banner" girl, during our performance. Which included me doing 2 jumps, dancing, and a lot of "Crowd Involvement."

That trip was a bit miserable. We left in the wee hours of December 26. My uncle, had past away, the night before. But we were headed to Dallas. On a plane with a "broken wing." We didn't get far. Not just because of our plane, but because of the "unusual blizzard." Eventually, we made it to Dallas.

It got worse. There was lots of fighting. Freezing temps, blizzard conditions, our coach was so sick. It was just miserable. Our performance went OK. Nothing to write home about. And then, we were expected to spend 2 days at Six Flags. In the snow!!! Um, I couldn't even ride the rides. I was miserable.

As you can tell, I didn't take good care of myself. For that, I suffer today. I've had a handful of concussions in the last 10 years. Each one, is much more debilitating to me. I find myself suffering from migraines. Unable to do much. Out for much longer periods of time.

So when My Guy suffered a concussion in late August, I knew immediately. Partly due to my "Day Job." Partly due to my past. I was surprised, when the doctor "cleared" him. And just told him to take it easy.

Then, just a few weeks ago, he suffered another. The impact, was much harder. In all, he had 3 concussions, in just 6 weeks. And suddenly, our world came "Screeching to a Halt." This man wasn't going to be able to work. At least for 2 weeks. Maybe longer. We weren't sure.

This time, he was to not watch TV, play video games, or get on the computer. He had to stay away from too much action, noise, and busy-ness in general. Essentially, we were to make him rest. Monitor his headaches, and other symptoms.

Normally, it wouldn't be too bad. OK, yes it would. He's still a man, after all. One that doesn't like to appear weak. But after making him go to the doctor, being diagnosed, and realizing the seriousness of the situation...he knew he had to stop. Just as I had done, a few months ago.

Oh, but this time around, we had nearly 100 people in town. Just for 2 events. Besides the people that had paid to attend these events. 100 personal guests. Our friends understood. As did family. And this guy's co-workers. Did it make it any easier? Not really...

The two of us, found other ways to entertain ourselves. Lots of talking. Tons of napping. And just enjoying life in the "Slow Lane." Something we don't do. Not ever!!! Days would pass. He'd feel better. Insisting, that he could go back to work. But really, he couldn't. He couldn't even drive a car. Hello!?!?!?

Until today. Just now. After 2 days of doctors' appointments, tests, and "real life" situations. He's been officially cleared. And life, is apparently, back to normal. :) My Love, is healed!!!

The first week, was tough. But we learned so much about one another. The second week, was a bit more relaxing. We slept a lot. A LOT!!! The beginning of this week, we were just flat out anxious. Again, some of our best friends, were in town. To finally get some of those postponed events done.

It's been a challenge. Especially, if you knew the second part of this. My Dad hasn't been doing well either. Just before this round of concussions, I'd been home. To help my parents. My Dad is just struggling right now. I really do wish, that I could have spent more time with them. Just being there to help out. But I'm just glad, that I got to be there, for the short time, that I was. Helping were I could.

As you can tell, it's been a very chaotic, and hectic time. I've turned to God, more times, than I can possibly count. I'm grateful to God, that he is with us, when we need him most. Comforting us. Giving us strength.

With our news, just a little while ago, the chaos starts again. At least, until Thanksgiving. :) I need to run to the store, get packing, and wrap my head around all of this. It's just been such a tough time. And I pray, that the remainder of our year, has a little less "action." ♥

A Few of My Favorite Things

A few days ago, My Guy and I headed to my parents' cabin. My Mom had asked me to go and "winterize" the place. Because, they just couldn't get out there. Being that this guy is taking a little break from work right now, totally played into this plan.

We headed to Albertson's for a few necessities. And then across the street, to Walgreen's. You know, before heading to the mountains. Where the nearest store, is over an hour away. We needed to stock up, on a few things. Nothing too nuts. As we were only going to be there, for 2 days.

But that didn't seem to bother, little 'ol me. :) First of all, I'm pretty sure, I bought out these little guys. My favorite candy. That I can't find anywhere else...

Why are they my favorite? I don't know. Probably because these are my favorite flavors. And I don't have to eat lemon candies. That I just don't like.

Oh, and I couldn't resist the "Beauty Section." Where I bought my new favorite nail polish. L'Oreal's "Eiffel For You." It looks pretty purple, or lavender, in this picture. But in reality, it's more of a grey color. A great neutral for Fall.

Oh, and of course my favorite purchase!!! Gooseberry Patch's Halloween magazine. It's loaded with tons of fun ideas for Halloween. Not just food people! Decorating ideas. And little gifts too! The price was a little high. But with a nice coupon, I only paid $4!!!

Yes, I've spent the last few days trying new recipes. Dreaming of all the things, I'm going to make this month. Writing out lists of supplies, I'll need. Oh, and enjoying my candy. Seriously people, why can't I find it at other stores? ♥

If Only...

Wouldn't it be wonderful to win the lottery? There are so many things, I'd do with that money. First off, I'd donate half of it, to a Children's Hospital. Then I'd finish school. Buy my brother and his wife, a new home. Help my parents with their business. Fix my home. Things like that. Maybe just maybe, I'd also like a new car. :)



I suppose, it doesn't hurt to dream. Someone has to win the jackpot! I've gotten my share of the tickets. And have my fingers crossed. You just never know, what might happen. And well, maybe something good will come out of the money I just spent! ♥

Please Support Purple Day

Today is Purple Day. And I ask, that you wear something purple today. It doesn't matter what it is. A purple top. A pair of purple pumps. Heck. some purple jewelry, would be nice.



And why am I asking you, to do this? It's to help support Epilepsy Awareness. I know, Epilepsy Awareness Month is November. But today is Purple Day.

I'm VERY PASSIONATE about this! Because my Dad has epilepsy. He was not born with it. Actually, it was the result of an accident. I've ALWAYS known my Dad, with epilepsy. As a small child, I learned how to take care of him. Epilepsy has always been a big part of my life. And I'm very hopeful, that in my lifetime, a cure will be found. So let's wear some purple today! ♥

Let It Be

Recently, I feel like many of my posts, have been "heavy." My heart has been heavy. Broken. My soul, has been in need of repair. I've been carrying so much! And need to just breathe.

Much of it, has been because of my brother. Who just makes me feel so uneasy. He rubs me, the wrong way. I can't trust him. He's just so sly. Doing the worst things, under the radar. And no one else, really seems to bring it up. But it bothers me. So much!

In so many ways, he's destroyed our family. He's still doing it. Making life miserable, for so many! And I'm not sure, what I should do. But it bothers me. It bothers me, that he steals from everyone. That he lies. That he makes a fool, out of people. Then hides from it. Doesn't own up, to the things that he does.

It bothers me, that he hurts the people that I love, so much! That he makes up excuses for it. That he brings his problems, to the rest of us. Expecting us, to make them go away. He's just evil. And I don't know what to do about it. I hate to bring it up here. But it's been on my mind. And it needs to get out!

And then, I've been missing so many people. That have gone before me. To meet our Maker. Really missing our time together. The things we shared. Time that we shared. Just being together. I've been so emotional lately!

Also, I've been so worried about my Dad. Hoping that his health improves. That things get easier for him. And my Mom. I just worry a lot, about the 2 of them. I wish that I could do more for them. Carry more of the burdens. Make things better, and easier, for them.



But I know, that I can't really, do much more. I do a lot already. I ALWAYS put my family first. I've sacrificed so much for them. But at some point, we all need to carry our own burdens. We all have our crosses to bare. The hardships, that we need to deal with. On our own. I know this. But it's still hard!

I know, that I can't change things. That I can't make everyone's pain go away. Even if I try. I know that sometimes, you just need to "Let It Be." God knows the "Master Plan." He knows why we must "suffer." Why we have certain crosses to bare. Why some people "get away with it," while others have to "face" their problems!

Sometimes, we have to go though "rough" patches. To value the good times. I know this. In my brain, I know this. But in my heart, I wish I could make all those tough things, go away. Sometimes, we just need to learn that we need to "Let It Be."

Because there is no changing life. Sometimes things, just need to work themselves out. And sometimes, we need to let go of certain things. And certain people. That can be the hardest. But I'm learning how to do it.

"Let It Be." If it was meant to be, it will work itself out. But we can't sit here, and stress ourselves out, about everything. I know this. But I need to start really believing it! Sometimes, we just can't fix things. Sometimes people don't want to change. And sometimes, we just need to go live our lives. Without worrying about the world. I'm learning how to just "Let It Be." ♥

I Miss Him So!

The last few days, have been rather emotional. I'm not going to lie. I've been trying to keep it together. More because I know that My Guy needed to focus on work. But today, it all seems to be bubbling over the top.

Saturday was my Dad's birthday. I got to have dinner with my parents, on Friday night. It was nice. To just enjoy some time together. To see and hear, a wonderful Mariachi. It was quick, but much needed. Since my Dad got sick in December 2010, I've really cherished every moment with him.

On top of that, my cousin had her baby girl. Early Monday morning. And now, they are a little worried about her health. So they are running a few tests. Please keep them in your prayers. We'd really appreciate that. And honestly, I can't wait to meet, the new sweet baby.

But honestly, I think what's bothering me most is, my Uncle. Sunday marked seven years, since his passing. He was my best friend. ALWAYS had me laughing. We did so much together. He taught me so much. Over the years, he went from being my Uncle, to my best friend.



I still remember, the night that I got the news. I had been away. Teaching a music conference at Disney World. That night, we had performed. And had this AMAZING and fun dinner with friends. It had been a good night. :)

Then I realized, that my phone was in my violin case. I had 20+ missed calls. When I went through them, they were all from my parents. I worried. Immediately, I wondered how my Dad was. I thought about it. It was almost 1AM. Which meant, close to 11PM at my parents' house.

But I couldn't wait anymore. I needed to know what was going on. I found a small room, and sat down. I made the call. And I immediately knew, that something was wrong. My Dad's voice was shaking. He told me, that my Uncle had past away, in his sleep.

This was so shocking! He had been in the hospital. For something completely unrelated, to what he past away from. My parents had just seen him. Right before he was released, from the hospital. They had joked around. Because it was my Dad's birthday.

But when he went home, it was just his time. I remember, not knowing what to do. Being across the country. Obligated to this job. My friends rallied around me. Assured me, that they could handle the next few days. And that they'd get me home.

At the time, a friend was living with me. So I called her. In the middle of the night. And she packed a bag for me. Made sure that my car was full of gas. While this guy got me a plane ticket home.

I flew home. Had another friend, pick me up from the airport. Drove me, the hour, to my home. And I drove, for the next 3 hours. Hoping, that I'd make it in time for the service.

My cousin broke my heart. She was devastated! Kept telling me, that she should have been better to him. That I knew her pain. Because I was so close to him. I didn't know what to say. Or do. I was numb.

We prayed. People talked about my Uncle. I could see him from afar. But I didn't have the guts, to go up to his casket. We went back to my parents' house. Knowing that the next morning, we'd say our final goodbyes.

I spent that night writing. Writing a letter to my Uncle. This amazing man. That ALWAYS put others before himself. With this GIANT heart. Made of gold. I cried. For the first time, I was alone with my thoughts. And it finally hit me. He was gone.

The next morning, I got up early. Got dressed. I'd be playing for the funeral. And I wasn't sure, just how I was going to do it. I told my parents, that I'd meet them at the church. And I left.

Quietly, I made my way into the church. Violin in one hand. My letter in the other. And I walked down that aisle, to my Uncle. Where I said my final goodbye. Placed my letter in his casket. And realized for the first time, this would be the last time I'd see him.

It pulled at my heart. The following 2 hours, rushed by. I didn't feel like, I was really there. More of floating above, the services. I remember leaving the church, for the cemetery. I remember seeing the casket go down. The dirt covering it up. I remember, going to my aunt's house. Changing my clothes. Saying my goodbyes.

I drove 3 hours to my home. Had a friend drive me, another hour to the airport. And then, took a plane ride back to Florida. I'm still not sure, how I managed the next week. But I did.

Since that day, I've felt this emptiness in my heart. A place that I'm positive, will always be empty. With each passing year, it gets harder. I know that it should get easier. But for me, it gets harder. Maybe because I miss my Uncle so much.

Or maybe because, I'm remembering less and less about him. On a recent trip home, I stopped, to visit his grave. And my Auntie's grave. I feel a sense of peace, when I'm near them. Of being "whole" again. Knowing that we're close, to one another.

I hope, that I never forget, the important things. What made my Uncle, well my Uncle. His generosity. His caring heart. His great sense of humor! I want to pass on his memory. To the generations, that didn't get to meet him. I want for people, to be inspired by him. To know, that he made the world, a truly better place! ♥

Happy Birthday Dad!

Dear Dad,

Today is your birthday. Happy Birthday! I hope that you know this, I LOVE you! With all of my heart. The last 14 months, have really made me appreciate you, so much more! It's been a tough time. But I time, that I wouldn't change. Because it's the time, when I've gotten to know you better. When I've gotten closer to you. And when I've been able to give back to you. Take care of you. And be there for you.

I feel like, my prayers were answered. When God gave us more time. And I'm ALWAYS grateful for that! For getting more time with you. For helping you, to get stronger. To get healthy again. I'll ALWAYS be grateful for that!

Dad, know that I'll ALWAYS LOVE YOU! You will always have a special place in my heart. I'll ALWAYS be here for you. Especially, when you need me most. Today Dad, enjoy your day! Have a WONDERFUL birthday! I pray that God Blesses you, with many more. And many more years, of good health. Happy Birthday Dad!

Love,
Your Daughter♥

Creating Memories

This year, my Mom and I, have really tried, to pull our family together. Since my Dad's medical emergency last year, we've tried to make things special for him. Bring our family together. And I think, we succeeded in that!

Although, My Guy and I had already decided to spend the holiday alone, I knew I had to be with family. My Mom and I talked about it. And we decided on Christmas Eve. For a lot of reasons. One being the weather. And my Dad not really being able to go out. It's been snowing. And so cold! We didn't want to risk, him getting hurt.

I started calling up family. And my Mom and I, got to cooking. I baked for days. Tamales, rellenos, and empanaditas were made. I wrapped presents every single night, for 2 weeks! All that hard work, really paid off. And I've never been happier!



The holidays are such a special time. A time for all of us, to enjoy family and friends. To teach family traditions. And make new memories. Just like Thanksgiving, my parents' house was so full of people. And love! Not everyone made it. That's unfortunate. But a reality in our family.

My older brother came for about 5 minutes, as everyone was leaving. Late in the evening. My second youngest brother, and his family didn't make it. They didn't tell us, until that night, that they didn't have a ride. He lives about 30 minutes out of town. None of my sisters came. And well, we never expected my youngest brother. One of my nieces also had plans. And my younger nieces and their mom, don't celebrate until January. I don't know...

But we had tons of people over. I spent lots of time with the kiddos. Watching a silly Christmas movie, opening presents, and playing games. Of course, we sat and talked. And you know what, those little ones are so special. Carry so much in their little hearts. And make their auntie's heart just break!

There was lots of chatting. And laughing. Making new memories. Remembering our past. And Thanking God for our Daddy. Prayers were said. The real Christmas story was told. We placed baby Jesus in his bed. And Thanked God for our loved ones.

It's been years, since my parents hosted the holidays. Thanksgiving and Christmas...in the same year. We did it a lot, when I was really young. But the family grew apart. This year, was just a glimpse, of those special days. Of a time, when life felt so special.

I have to say this, it was a lot of hard work. To prepare everything. But, it was so well worth it! At the end of the night, both of my parents thanked me. And I was taken aback. Me? Why? All I did, was help them.

The last year, endless health issues, and tough times...really have made me think. Life is worth so much more! Time to set aside our issues. Time to love with everything we have. Time to get back, to what is important. I wouldn't trade these memories, for anything in the world. It was such an amazing holiday! ♥

The Day My Life Changed...

I didn't realize, that a year ago, my entire life would change. One year ago, my Dad got sick. My Mom called me that morning, and I rushed home. That 3 hour drive, seemed to take forever! Thank God, I had this guy with me.

I immediately knew, something was wrong. This wasn't the "usual" situation. And by that night, we were at the hospital. Unsure of what our future held. My Dad looked horrible. We became the priority case. And immediately, we were in ICU. We spent the next week or so, by my Daddy's bedside. Watching him. Praying for him. Taking care of him.

Christmas came and went. New Year's quickly followed. And soon we were home. My Dad was weak. But alive. And home. It took us days, to unwrap the few gifts that we had bought. Our family is totally a "Shopping Procrastination Family." My Mom and I quickly shopped the sales. Bought gifts for the kids. Bought food and essentials. And spent the next few weeks, hosting family. And taking care of my Daddy.

Over the last year, we've all adjusted. My Dad gets so frustrated with himself. With the fact that he can't do the things he used to do. My Mom and I, have become experts in Health Care. We now see our family doctor once a month. Take semi-monthly trips to the pharmacy. All of that stuff.

My Mom has adjusted the most. Other than my Dad. She had to learn lots of things. How to check my Dad's blood. How to give him a shot. My Dad had to learn how to eat differently. There were lot of changes to their daily life.

Nowadays, my Dad drives less. He naps more. His energy is maybe 1/2 of what it was a year ago. His balance is off, most days. There are more pills. Lots more insurance. And calls to companies. Lots of patients. Lots of time to get places.

There are also those weeks, when my Dad is just out of it. When he doesn't feel right. And just wants to sleep. When he is feeling horrible. When we need to really watch over him, and nurse him. When he feels depressed, and moody. The times when I try to be there. When I pray the most.

A year ago, my Dad would drop us off at the Mall. Walk around a few times, before sitting down, to wait for my Mom and I, to finish shopping. These days, he has a Handicap Parking Sticker. One of us has to walk him in. And find him a place to sit. On a good day, I can convince him, to walk around a store, once. Before he gets completely exhausted!

There have been falls. There have been prescription changes. New treatments. And lots and lots of patients! But things are looking up. My Dad's numbers are improving. At a much more rapid pace, than one would expect. Soon, he'll be off his shots. And his medication lowered.

But there have definitely been changes. I spend more time, with my parents. More time helping them. More time taking care of everyone. I don't mind. I'm glad to be able to do it. I also have this guy, who makes it all possible!

A year ago, I was pleading with God. Asking for one more year. I needed one more year. It wasn't his time yet. I vowed to take care of my Daddy. To do whatever needed to be done. I begged God. Every night, when everyone would leave, and my Mom would sleep, I'd sit there. Praying for my Daddy. Holding his hand. Encouraging him to fight.

The last year has been tough. My parents own a business. One that doesn't take a break. Ever! One that put more and more responsibilities, on my shoulders. I was more than ready to help out. I've learned much more about the business. Learned, done work, and honestly...just tried to keep up. My Dad was used to getting up and starting his work day at 3AM. These days, he naps from 6AM-8AM. Then again from 10AM-1PM.

But most of all, I've tried to bring my family together. Tried to remind my brothers, we need to be there for our Dad. I wish that I could find my sisters. And encourage them to come back. We need to pull together. Our Dad is not a young guy. He's nearly 80. And he needs us. Honestly, we're lucky to have him. And we should all appreciate, this second chance. We got our Dad back. To love. And make memories with. Thank you God. The last year has meant so much to me! ♥

Quiet Time

I'm pretty much craving a little bit of this. Quiet time. A good book. A comfy couch. No worries. Just some time to breathe. Time to let my mind rest a little. Maybe a cool breeze. And the light scent of fresh flowers.

The last few months have been extremely busy. And chaotic. I might have a crap load of siblings, but I still feel the entire weight of the world. You know, when it comes to my parents. I wouldn't have it any other way. I enjoy "being there" for my parents. I like that I have the opportunity, to take the time off of my life. And just be with my Mom and Dad. Nursing my Dad back to health. Easy the stress and pain that my Mom feels.

But it's a heavy load to bear. Especially with everything else I have going on. Let's not even get me started on my own health issues. I'm exhausted. And work, well, it just takes the last of my energy. All the time! School, well it's there too. It's never been hard. But it's draining.

God knows this. I'm positive that's why he has sent me My Guy. A man that I can lean on. And really believe and trust. Someone that is always here for me. Someone that stands beside me. And when things get too hard, he carries me along. Did you read his post from yesterday? All I have to say is, I'm one very lucky woman!

I know, that God knows best. He holds my entire future in his hands. I believe this, with my entire heart and soul. I also believe that he sends us the perfect people. The ones that fit right into our lives. That make us better. The people that help us to stretch and grow.

As much as I crave peace and quiet. Most of all, some alone time, I'm glad I have My Guy. He makes my entire life more simple. He adds to the quality of my life. And encourages my dreams, hopes and goals. That's incredible!

Today, instead of staying in. You know, in my gorgeous hotel suite, I'm heading out. To be a supporter of My Guy. To show him the love and support, that he shows me, all the time! There will be enough quiet time in my future. I have 3 books packed for our trip. But today, I'll be cheering on the man I love. My reading will just have to wait. ♥

I Feel Like Running

It's been really crazy around here. I have this sinking feeling in the pit of my tummy. I just can't explain it. But if it's anything like Saturday morning, well that explains it all!

I tried to get along with my oldest brother. Not for me. Not for him. I lost all respect for him a while back. But for my Dad. For his birthday. It's important. You know what I mean? Well, my other brothers had arranged a special breakfast for our Dad. Invited? 4 of my brothers, their families, my parents, and me. It was shaping up to be a fun morning.

But my oldest brother showed up. With his girlfriend. And immediately, things changed. Isn't that weird, he wasn't invited. Neither were 2 of my sisters. They didn't crash the party. But not big brother. He felt like "he had to be there." Like it was his"duty." His privileged right.

There has been a lot that has gone on with my oldest brother. Lots that I'm not going to get into here. But no one was really comfortable. He acted like he is my Dad's only child. And really upset my brothers. But we all swallowed that. We wanted our Dad to enjoy his "Birthday Breakfast."

Once my parents left, all heck broke loose. My brothers were not holding anything back. Neither was my oldest brother. He was calling everyone names. Blaming all of his problems on all of his. And even came after me. I wasn't just going to sit there. I told him how I felt.

It was horrible. Uncomfortable. And something that we all had been trying to avoid. For a long while. It all boiled over. I'm glad that everything finally came out. I know who I can trust. And who I can't. 100%. I know. And I also know how everyone feels.

Let's just put it this way, all my brothers, they held their daughters a little closer to themselves. Yes, they don't trust my older brother. Neither do I. We all know that my Mom and I are the ones that take care of my Dad. Not any of them. Heck, we can go months without hearing from some of them. And all but my oldest brother, they're grateful for all I do for my parents. I'm glad that they see it. Not for the glory of it. But because I'm not doing it, hoping to get anything in return. I just want to take care of my parents.

But it leaves me wanting to run away from my family. I'm glad that I have My Guy to come back to. No matter what happens. I was upset that in the midst of our "Sibling Fight" my phone was broken. I desperately wanted to talk to My Guy, when I left that mess. But I had to wait. Now not only do I want to avoid most of my family, I now need a new phone.

I hate feeling like this. Like I need to "run away" from them. To get away. To not let my family into my life. My "inner circle." But it's always been this way. I'm the youngest of 9. They're all my half siblings. I have no one on my side. And I hear it all the time. They're not here for me. In anyway. And they'd really like to see me fail miserably.

I have 1 brother that I full heartily trust. And I have 1 sister that I'd like to mend our relationship. That's it. It's tough. And it makes going home hard. Especially now that my Dad is sick. And he needs us. My brother just creates more and more problems. Causing bigger and bigger rifts between us all. It hurts. But there's not much I can do. Other than just run away from them. And fight to be a part of my parents lives. The only healthy part of my family. ♥

Happy Birthday Dad!

The last few months have been tough for our family. Especially my Dad. I can't believe that just 2 months ago, he was fighting for his life. Literally. It was the first time that I really was faced with losing him.

My entire life, I've known that my Dad isn't going to be around forever. I've always known that I will have significantly less years with my parents. Because they were older when I was born. But suddenly, it became real. Harshly real.

So today, it's extra special. Not just because it's my Dad's birthday. But because God let us have him for one more year. That is very, very special. And I know a lot of that has to do with all the love, support, and prayers that we received from so many people. Thank you all again!

I've come to realize just how important it is to say, "I Love You." I'm not one to say that much. But if I've learned nothing more than this small lesson, always say what you mean. You don't realize just how quickly life can change. One minute, you're wrapping Christmas presents. The next, you're watching your Daddy fight for his life. Yes, it happens that quickly!

Happy Birthday Dad! You mean the absolute world to me! You're the very first man that I ever loved. And that ever loved me. I've looked up to you my entire life. Wanting to be the very best, just to make you proud.

Today is all about you. The things you want to do. Celebrating. And just enjoying life. I'll be saying tons of extra prayers today. Thanking our Dear Lord for allowing us more time together. Time to make memories. And to love one another as a family.

For everyone reading this, tell that special person just how much they mean to you. You never know if you will see tomorrow. And you never know if you'll get one more day to celebrate. Live every day to it's fullest. And with no regrets. Take it from my Daddy, and live your life without fear. ♥

Can We Start Over?

We've had a pretty hilarious day, thus far. And it's still early. But that's our life. And we're who we are. No changing that. I'm pretty sure that My Guy and I are a little old, and set in our ways. :)

Usually we have dinner with his grandma on Monday nights. You know, as long as we're in town. And we don't have to work. Heck, there have been times when I go to her house for dinner, while My Guy has to work. He has to miss out, but I don't! She makes dinner, I take dessert, and then I do all the cleaning. Because I just LOVE spending time with her. Hearing stories from the past. But this week, it just didn't happen. There were a few things that got in the way.

So, she came over for breakfast this morning. Probably not the best time to have planned this. Since I had a doctor's appointment, My Guy had to go to work, and we were getting ready to head west. But we hadn't seen each other in a long time. And I truly had missed her. We still had a yummy breakfast! I LOVE the fact that she LOVES Mexican food. So we had chiquichilles. So yummy!

On the way to my doctor's appointment, something happened to the car. And while My Guy was trying to figure it out, hood up and all, someone recognized him. Before I knew it, I was hiding under a seat in the back, he was on the phone with his assistant, and there were at least 20 cars stopped on the side of the road. All those people were taking pictures of him! Craziness!!!

I think I've said it more than once on here, but Mondays are our Sundays. Therefore, Tuesdays are our Mondays. And believe me, today FELT just like a MONDAY! Everything going wrong, and a HUGE list of things to do.

We lucked out a bit. One of My Guy's friends happened to see us stranded on the side of the road. He called a buddy of his, that owns a tow truck. And by the time My Guy's assistant got there, they were hooking up the tow truck. Some whispers were exchanged. We, or I should say I, was towed half a block into some random garage. Where I was able to sneak into the assistant's car. And then we were off to the doctor. Crazy! But no one saw me. :)

I was late to my appointment. My doctor was nowhere to be found. And I fell asleep in the waiting room. My Guy, he had to rush to work. Ya, we broke down maybe 5 minutes from his job. But they had to drive 2 hours to my appointment and back. After his meeting, he came to pick me up. I was asleep. In the waiting room. Still hadn't seen the doctor...

Eventually, I was checked out. I'm "A OK." Well, thanks! I knew that. We missed our scheduled flight out of town. And had to wait to be cleared for another take off. 2 hours in an airplane. On the tarmac. Ya, it's been a tough one.

I'm just happy to be going home. To the SW. Where I belong! Hopefully tomorrow is more kind to us. I can't take another day like this. Oh, and we might just tell my Dad about this whole relationship thing. You know, since we've almost been dating for 3 years! Where in the heck has all the time gone? ♥

Crazy Weekend

I sometimes wonder if it's just us, or does everyone have these crazy weekends. You know, the ones that are jam packed with a million things to do. I'm exhausted just thinking about it all! I don't think we actually had more than a minute or two to just sit. But it was a nice weekend.

There were plenty of ups and downs. The extreme kind. Really high highs, and really low lows. But in the end, it was a really good weekend. My Guy is back to work. Full time. And he is so happy about it. I do believe I will get off of bed rest tomorrow. And I think Enzo is heading home tomorrow too.

See, lots is going on. Oh, and I'm back to the craziness at work. You know the stuff. 100+ hours a week, more files than I know what to do with, that kind of thing. But I'm more than happy with all of that. Even if I'm working from home. I'm anxious to feel productive again. You know, past all this "Big C" stuff.

On a better note, this week is my Dad's birthday. And we're heading west to visit. That and My Guy will be working out west for 2 weeks. So we're looking forward to a little travel, and R&R in the southwest!

Honestly, I'm just looking forward to seeing my loved ones. Both family and friends. Oh, and maybe just maybe, seeing my house. I miss it! But right now, My Guy is calling. He's made lunch. Smells delish! And we're planning on having a lazy day. Mondays are our Sundays after all! ♥

He's Got A Way...

In case you don't know it, I love My Guy! Full heartily love this man! Yes, the one that is fast asleep right here. Face palm, hair sticking up, curled up in the blankets. I LOVE HIM! And just getting to see him, that just made my entire week! Have I mentioned just how much I've missed him?

Lately, things have been nuts! Honest to goodness...life has just been crazy. My Dad being this sick, has really thrown us all for a loop. Who would have thought he would spend days in the ICU. Especially for Christmas? Christmas was celebrated sometime between Christmas and New Year's Day. Yes, it took us days to get through our few gifts, that we bought and wrapped. You know, since we spent all our prime shopping days in the hospital. We were all that wiped out...

But then, you have me and My Guy. Our plans were just murdered. Seriously. He snuck around the hospital. You know, so I could cry on his shoulder. And he could hold me, and tell me that everything was going to be OK. You know, between praying for my Dad, talking to friends and family, and making sure my Mom was OK. Did I mention? I don't think I've slept more than 4 hours at a time, in well over a month. So to say, that we've totally skipped out on life and the holidays...well that is a HUGE understatement.

But then, My Guy is pretty incredible. And super understanding. He totally gets that I need to be with my family right now. And that our pile of gifts could wait until...well I don't know when. My Guy also understood, that this was not the time, to meet my entire family. Nor my Dad.

Fast forward a bit. This weekend. It had been circled on the calendar for a while. No. Not because, it is officially the first day he had off, since going back to work. Nope. His sister is getting married. As in later today!!! :)

I worked out some minor details with my Mom. Told my Dad that I had a "work thing" that I couldn't miss. And I caught a flight out east. Yesterday, I felt like a 5 year old on Christmas morning. Just waiting, to see the man I love. Yes. I was that lady! :)

And he didn't disappoint. No way Jose! We managed some quiet time. You know, between all the wedding stuff, and family stuff. And we just hung out. Caught up on life. To be honest, I just wanted to cuddle. To be safe in this man's arms once again. It was definitely the way to spend our night.




This song, it just reminds me of My Guy. This amazing man that I love. And that loves me with all his heart. I know this. Not just because he tells me all the time. But because he shows me all the time. I'm truly blessed. Even if, we just have this weekend to spend together...

It's been a tough month for my family. For me. And for our relationship. But there is always so much love, between My Guy and I. It doesn't matter if there are a billion miles between us. We know we have each other.

I feel like nothing, could ever, go really wrong. As long as My Guy is standing right beside me. He makes life amazing. And so fun! If I haven't already said this a million times, I'm a very lucky woman. Just to know that there is a human being, that loves me this much. So much, that I see it in his eyes, every time that he looks at me. I feel it in his arms, every single time he holds me. And it's in his voice, every single, solitary time that we talk. I just know that he loves me. And that folks, is what helps me through all the tough days. The Big C, Dad's health emergency, life...he's just got this way about life, that let's me know, just how much he loves me. At the end of the day, I can't ask for anything more. ♥

Keep Him In Your Prayers

I have a big favor to ask you, please keep my Dad in your prayers. He got sick yesterday. My Mom called me up. To let me know. But something seemed wrong. Really wrong. So My Guy and I drove into town, so I could check on things. I stayed the day, with my parents. Hoping that this wasn't a major issue. But quickly, I realized we were in trouble.



Last night, things got worse. To the point, I didn't feel safe, having my Dad at home. I called this guy. And an ambulance. When it became clear, we needed more help. My Mom and I, were right behind the ambulance. My Dad was immediately a "Priority One." Tests were quickly taken. Many doctors came in and out. His condition, getting worse.

Within an hour, he was admitted to the hospital. To the ICU. In "Bed One." And we've had around the clock care since. He's been medicated, to keep him sleeping. While they try to figure out, exactly what's wrong. Being that it's a holiday, it's been a little tricky. Many doctors are being called in. Hopefully, things will be OK.

My Mom and I have been here. Almost all alone. I don't think, my siblings understand, the seriousness of the situation. One of my brothers also came. His girlfriend insisted. And I'm getting ready, to go call some family and friends. I know, that we need the support system right now.

Most of all, I'm grateful. To God. This medical team. Everyone involved. This is serious. And we need prayers to help my Dad. I'm grateful to My Guy. Who has been my biggest supporter. My rock. Right now. When I need him. But honestly, we need prayers from all of you, to get through this. Please pray. ♥

Quality Time with My Parents

I didn't get much time, with my parents yesterday. Not at all! It was a quick trip home. Almost solely for the Craft Fair. But that's how life goes. Right?

The little bit of time, that we did get, I enjoyed every single second of it! Every second!!! I'm at it again. Performing. All week. Throw in some work stuff. And well, the week is jam packed with stuff!

But I took some time, to just enjoy my parents. Which was much needed! My parents spent the afternoon with family. While I was the one, that stayed at the Craft Fair. We sold so much stuff! I can't believe it. And my parents, thoroughly enjoyed themselves. :)



After the Craft Fair was over, and I met my parents. We decided, to go out, to a late lunch. Before I had to head back to Sin City. We enjoyed it. It may have only been a few hours, but they were AMAZING!

I got to catchup on family stuff. Like how some sick relatives were doing. All good news. Yay! And well, we just caught up. On the important stuff. Planned some things for Christmas. Or should I say, the week after New Year's. Because, well My Guy and I already have some plans.

I really do wish, that I could spend more time with my parents. I wish that I could share this guy, with them. I wish that this time of year, wasn't so crazy. That I didn't have 2 weeks, worth of shows. And Medical Conferences. And lots of holiday stuff...that I just haven't done.

But at the end of the day, I know that spending time with my family, is important. I only have 2 parents. 2 parents that are older. That I know, won't be here, for decades to come. That my friends, is the ONLY downfall, to having older parents.

There's just something, tugging at my heart, telling me to spend more time with them. And I WANT to! I NEED to! And I'm planning, on spending as much time, as I can, with my parents. I need to carve out more time, for family. This I know. Because, it's important!

At times, life just gets so complicated. And hectic. We sometimes forget, what's important. And what should take priority. I know, that my parents are very important! That they matter. They mean the world to me! And I value that. Now, to schedule in, some more, of this important "Family Time!" ♥

22 Years

Today is my parents' 22nd Anniversary! What a blessing it is. They've shown me, that life is not always easy. Life is not always about happiness. But with lots of hard work, faith, and love...a marriage can be successful. It's something that is invaluable. To know, that real love, does exist.



I just want my parents to know, that I LOVE them! With all my heart. And I'm so proud of this milestone. They are such amazing role models for me. And I hope, that this is just the beginning of their journey! Love you both! Happy Anniversary!!! ♥