Lucky Girl

I have to say this, I'm a lucky, lucky girl!!! I have this A-M-A-Z-I-N-G man in my life. That LOVES me much more, than he should. It's no secret. He goes over and above any expectations, that I could ever have. He's my honest to goodness, Prince Charming. Sent straight from God!!!

Sunday, I hopped on a plane. Headed out to visit my Mom. For her birthday, and Mother's Day. Zo and I, also had a credential thing to attend. You know, hours and hours of medical talk. To get that certificate that says, you in fact learned something.



Yesterday evening, we finally got back. If you follow me on Facebook, you could tell, I was happy to be home!!! I missed this man. More than words could say. The band, with their significant others and kiddos, arrived on Monday. And for the next almost 2 weeks, it's going to be so busy! Lots of work and performing, coming up.

So when I walked in the door, I was pleasantly surprised. Not just by the man that I love. But by the amazing things he had done for me. Like cooking a yummy dinner of meatloaf, mashed potatoes, and fresh corn. A little fresh strawberry cobbler. With vanilla ice cream. Delish!!!

After a delicious dinner, my Mr. cleaned up the kitchen, as I made my way, to a beautiful bubble bath. With a new book waiting for me. And I met this guy, in a beautifully crisp, cool, and gorgeous white bed. Where we caught up. On the last few days. Spent some good time cuddling. And just enjoying, being back together.

After crazy traveling, chaotic schedules, and life in general, it's nice to come home. To the man I love. And just be. To catch up. Enjoy life together. And embrace the few hours of peace and quiet, before our week gets nuts again!!!

I'm one very lucky woman! One that knows, men like this, are few and far between. I was that awkward girl in school. The one, that people wondered, "How could she be a cheerleader?" "What a dork!" "Poor girl." In lots of ways, that's still me. I'm not perfect. I've never been that "knock out." That is naturally a size 0. With perfect skin, hair and teeth. I'm not cool. I prefer for others to do my hair and makeup. Because, I'm still not confident in it.

In fact, I have lots of those awkward moments. When I wonder, "Why is he with me?" The fact is, this man, could have any woman!!! He's dated models, celebrities, and down right gorgeous women! But the one thing I'm positive about, is My Guy's love for me. He shows me all the time, how important I am, to him. And he's not afraid to tell me either.

This Man, is amazing. He's given up a lot, to be with me. To share these little moments. The ones that make life worth living. I'm so glad that we found each other. I'm so glad, that we're together. In this crazy thing we call life, he makes it worth living! And makes me feel, like I'm finally more than enough. The woman I am, right now, is perfect in his eyes. ♥

Happy Birthday Sister!

Today is my sister's birthday! I'll never forget this day. Because our birthdays are so close together. And for so long, we were very close! Recently, we've started talking again. We've even made plans, to meet for dinner. To catch up. And to celebrate our birthdays. I hope she has an amazing day! I love her so much. And I've missed the last 11 years, of just enjoying each others company. ♥

Happy Birthday Savannah!

Dear Savannah,

Happy Birthday sweet girl! Just a few minutes ago, you were born. The most precious little gift, straight from God. An answer to your Mommy's prayers! Already loved so much!

Your Nono and I, are so excited. Over the moon! I do believe, I just heard him say, this was the greatest day of his life! :) Yes, you are one baby girl, that we've all been waiting for. Praying for. And right now, we've given you and your Mommy and Daddy, some much needed "bonding time." We know that you, as a family, need this time!

Today is your day. I'm sure your big brothers, are going to be so excited! They're at home sleeping. Waiting to hear, about their new baby sister! From this day forward, I know a solid group of people, already love you so! Happy Birthday! I can't wait, to see what life has in store for you!

Love,
Your Nana♥

Happy Birthday Maribel!

Dear Maribel,

Happy Birthday sweet girl! Today, you are 5 years old. Such a big girl! A sweet little girl, that is spreading all of your love, to all of us. Us very lucky people.

What a blessing it's been. These 5 years. To be part of your life. To know, that in some small way, I'm helping to guide you, in life. I will always be grateful to your Mommy and Daddy, for giving me this chance. For giving your Nono, and I, this chance.

My entire heart, lights up, when I'm around you. When we curl up, with your books. To read about far away lands. And all the time, we spend playing with your dollies. The many tea parties that we've had. It's time, that I will ALWAYS cherish!

It's such a blessing, to spend this time with you. To warm my heart, with all of your love. To watch, as you grow, into a "Big Girl." The joy, that you spread, with your music and dancing. Maribel, you are such a sweet girl!

Today, I can't be there with you. But know, that I'm ALWAYS in your heart. And soul. That your Nana will ALWAYS LOVE YOU!!! And you can ALWAYS count on me. Have a Happy 5th Birthday! Filled with all your wishes, come true! :)

Love,
Your Nana♥

Happy Birthday Cari!

Dear Cari Bear,

Happy Birthday! I'm in shock, that today, you are officially a teenager!!! This is such a BIG day! And I wish I was there. To tell you in person, just how much I LOVE YOU! To give you a GREAT BIG HUG! And to tell you, how very PROUD I am of you! Cari Bear, you are phenomenal!

I still remember you. When you were little. Going to work with your Daddy. Watching everything around you. So quiet. But taking in the world. Learning so much. Growing. In mind, body, and spirit. Already, on your way, to becoming this amazing soul!

Life has not always been easy to you. But God has a special path, planned out just for you. A special place in life. To do remarkable things. He has blessed you, with such a loving, kind, and gentle Daddy. One that LOVES YOU, more than life itself. Don't ever forget that!

You are absolutely, the sweetest girl, that I know. The kindest soul, that I've ever met. You are a very special girl. And all those, that have the honor of being in your life, know this. We are the blessed ones!

My heart is bursting with LOVE for you! I want you to know that. You can ALWAYS count on me. Your Nono. And your Daddy. Sweet girl, I pray that your life is blessed with happiness, love, success, dreams coming true, and with God's Blessings. I LOVE YOU! Happy 13th Birthday Cari Bear!

Love,
Your Nana♥

I Miss Him So!

The last few days, have been rather emotional. I'm not going to lie. I've been trying to keep it together. More because I know that My Guy needed to focus on work. But today, it all seems to be bubbling over the top.

Saturday was my Dad's birthday. I got to have dinner with my parents, on Friday night. It was nice. To just enjoy some time together. To see and hear, a wonderful Mariachi. It was quick, but much needed. Since my Dad got sick in December 2010, I've really cherished every moment with him.

On top of that, my cousin had her baby girl. Early Monday morning. And now, they are a little worried about her health. So they are running a few tests. Please keep them in your prayers. We'd really appreciate that. And honestly, I can't wait to meet, the new sweet baby.

But honestly, I think what's bothering me most is, my Uncle. Sunday marked seven years, since his passing. He was my best friend. ALWAYS had me laughing. We did so much together. He taught me so much. Over the years, he went from being my Uncle, to my best friend.



I still remember, the night that I got the news. I had been away. Teaching a music conference at Disney World. That night, we had performed. And had this AMAZING and fun dinner with friends. It had been a good night. :)

Then I realized, that my phone was in my violin case. I had 20+ missed calls. When I went through them, they were all from my parents. I worried. Immediately, I wondered how my Dad was. I thought about it. It was almost 1AM. Which meant, close to 11PM at my parents' house.

But I couldn't wait anymore. I needed to know what was going on. I found a small room, and sat down. I made the call. And I immediately knew, that something was wrong. My Dad's voice was shaking. He told me, that my Uncle had past away, in his sleep.

This was so shocking! He had been in the hospital. For something completely unrelated, to what he past away from. My parents had just seen him. Right before he was released, from the hospital. They had joked around. Because it was my Dad's birthday.

But when he went home, it was just his time. I remember, not knowing what to do. Being across the country. Obligated to this job. My friends rallied around me. Assured me, that they could handle the next few days. And that they'd get me home.

At the time, a friend was living with me. So I called her. In the middle of the night. And she packed a bag for me. Made sure that my car was full of gas. While this guy got me a plane ticket home.

I flew home. Had another friend, pick me up from the airport. Drove me, the hour, to my home. And I drove, for the next 3 hours. Hoping, that I'd make it in time for the service.

My cousin broke my heart. She was devastated! Kept telling me, that she should have been better to him. That I knew her pain. Because I was so close to him. I didn't know what to say. Or do. I was numb.

We prayed. People talked about my Uncle. I could see him from afar. But I didn't have the guts, to go up to his casket. We went back to my parents' house. Knowing that the next morning, we'd say our final goodbyes.

I spent that night writing. Writing a letter to my Uncle. This amazing man. That ALWAYS put others before himself. With this GIANT heart. Made of gold. I cried. For the first time, I was alone with my thoughts. And it finally hit me. He was gone.

The next morning, I got up early. Got dressed. I'd be playing for the funeral. And I wasn't sure, just how I was going to do it. I told my parents, that I'd meet them at the church. And I left.

Quietly, I made my way into the church. Violin in one hand. My letter in the other. And I walked down that aisle, to my Uncle. Where I said my final goodbye. Placed my letter in his casket. And realized for the first time, this would be the last time I'd see him.

It pulled at my heart. The following 2 hours, rushed by. I didn't feel like, I was really there. More of floating above, the services. I remember leaving the church, for the cemetery. I remember seeing the casket go down. The dirt covering it up. I remember, going to my aunt's house. Changing my clothes. Saying my goodbyes.

I drove 3 hours to my home. Had a friend drive me, another hour to the airport. And then, took a plane ride back to Florida. I'm still not sure, how I managed the next week. But I did.

Since that day, I've felt this emptiness in my heart. A place that I'm positive, will always be empty. With each passing year, it gets harder. I know that it should get easier. But for me, it gets harder. Maybe because I miss my Uncle so much.

Or maybe because, I'm remembering less and less about him. On a recent trip home, I stopped, to visit his grave. And my Auntie's grave. I feel a sense of peace, when I'm near them. Of being "whole" again. Knowing that we're close, to one another.

I hope, that I never forget, the important things. What made my Uncle, well my Uncle. His generosity. His caring heart. His great sense of humor! I want to pass on his memory. To the generations, that didn't get to meet him. I want for people, to be inspired by him. To know, that he made the world, a truly better place! ♥

They Are Forever

I've never been super close to my family. Not really. Mostly, because I was born between generations. My siblings, well they could be my parents. That's our age gap! All of my cousins are either younger than me, or older than me. No one my age. Not really.

But that never bothered me. I enjoyed spending time with my auntie, uncle, and grandparents. Really enjoyed it. I was used to being around adults actually. My parents would take me to dinners, where they met their friends. I was a regular at their business meetings. It was my "normal."

Honestly, I didn't really know how to socialize with people my own age. Not really. My Bestie and I, well we were inseparable. Until we were teens, and she moved almost 2000 miles away. No lie! Other than her, I didn't have friends my age. Not really.



I mean, I had friends. But not super close ones. Not my age. I had older friends. Friends that always felt way more like family. I assume, that's how most people feel about their cousins. But they were my friends. Little did I know, they'd be my "Forever Friends."

Looking back, I don't know what I would have done, without my friends. You know the old saying, "Friends may come and go. But family is forever." I sorta believe that. But not whole heartily. Mainly because, my friends, my really good friends, have always been there for me. ALWAYS! My family, not so much.

It's not that I have a bad family. It just, the people I was closest to, most of them, have past away. The ones that are still alive, I'm not really close to. They will always be there. They're family after all. But they are definitely, not the people I turn to, when things go wrong.

I'm not saying that every friend I have, is a super close friend. No. That's not how I work. Literally, I'm one of those people, that builds up walls. And only let certain people in. And it takes a long time! Because I'm afraid of getting hurt. Of getting really hurt.

I've had many, many, many "acquaintances." MANY! But that doesn't mean, that we're best friends. Or that I'd call them, say when my house floods. But that's life. There are those people, that I meet through work. Through performing. Perhaps, I met them because of family. They're friends. But not really close friends. Do you know what I mean?

But then, I have these super close friends. Friendships that just happen so quickly. I don't see it coming. Like Manders. Who would have thought? Some random makeup artist, would become one of my very best friends! There's Mayu. Who I met, in my first few days of college. Over 10 years later, we're still close. There's this guy. Who the heck would have thought? Not me! Teachers, bosses, and that girl I met at the gym.

Not all of these relationships turns out great. I wish they would. But that's not how life works. Little G and I, became fast friends. We were almost inseparable, that one semester. We would stay up talking, until 2AM. Two or three times a week! When she moved, we still talked, e-mailed, and wrote each other. But then, well things got crossed. A misunderstanding, lead to two very unhappy people. Two MySpace messages. Which probably shouldn't have been sent. And one horribly failed friendship. One that I wish, was still going strong!

There was also that girl. My friend. My good friend. We went through a heck of a lot together! And I was positive, she would be my "Lifetime Friend." The only friend that would make it from high school, into "Real Life." It didn't happen. Other people got in the way. And now, we're so bitter towards each other. It's horrible! But in this case, people grow. They change. And sometimes, you just grow in different directions. You lose that part of you, that made you connect as friends.

Friends aren't supposed to judge you. Make assumptions about your life. The kind that are hurtful, untrue, and evil. I've had those kind of friends. That hurt you. But you pray things will change. You endure it. Hoping for the best. And in the end, you have to do what's best for you. You have to just walk away. As much as it hurts, it's the best thing to do!

For me, it's always hard thinking about these things. I'm the kind of friend, that likes to hangout with my friends. Whether it's going to watch a baseball game, cooking for my friends, or just sitting around watching movies. I just enjoy talking to my friends. Sharing our lives together. Being an active part in each other's lives.

In the last few years, I find myself in a different place. I'm almost 2000 miles away, from most of my friends. But I'm grateful for the friends I have. The ones that are super close. And understanding. That don't mind, when a month goes by, without me calling. They get, that sometimes, life just happens. That I get busy. And I never once, have I had to give an explanation!

These are the friends, that I can ALWAYS count on! The ones I call when I'm struggling. The ones that I call, when my world turns upside down. Like when the Big C rears it's ugly head in my life. Or when my Dad was hospitalized. The ones that are there, without you asking for their help. These are my friends, that hug you, take your hand, and tell you...it's going to be OK. And they make you believe it!

These are the same friends, that I can talk to for hours and hours. That make me laugh, with some of the silliest things. Just ask this girl! These are the kind of friends, that call you to meet for lunch. And somehow, lunch lasts 10 hours! That encourage you to chase your dreams. Tell you just how lucky you are, because he really is a catch! My friends surprise me with a new lipgloss when I'm down. Or compliment my new dress. You know, the one that I'm not quite sure of.

I'm lucky, to have this kind of friends. The ones that put their lives on hold, to make sure that you are going to be OK. Those friends that bake you the best cookies, because your day really sucked. They meet you for tapas...just because! Friends who have asked you to be in their lives, every single step of the way. And the ones, that come over, on your worst day, just to watch you sleep. Because, they know, that you need their support.

Luck doesn't even begin to explain it. I have friends that love me, for me. Just because I'm me. Chia pet hair and all! No matter what happens in life, they love me. They want me to do better in life. To be happy. This kind of friend is HARD to find. Incredibly hard to find! So when you find them, you hold on tight. You never let them go. And you make sure, they know, just how important they are to you.

I've had friends hold my hand, when my world was crumbling down around me. I've had friends hold my hair back, when the TPN didn't agree with me. Those that have made me ice cream sundaes, great big ones, when I'd had enough of that man.

Appreciation. Love. Forever grateful. Those are the feelings that I have, for my true friends. The ones, that are always there. The ones, that I don't have to sit there and give explanations to. The ones that are understanding. The friends that trust me, and that I trust in return.

Friendships are complex. Difficult at times. But so rewarding! Rewarding when you have the right kind of friends. And every single day, I thank God for my friends! The ones that are tried and true. Because honestly, I don't know, where I'd be without them. My friends are my beginning and my end. They make me...well me. And make my world, such a magical place. I'm blessed, because I have the best friends in the entire world! ♥

The Day My Life Changed...

I didn't realize, that a year ago, my entire life would change. One year ago, my Dad got sick. My Mom called me that morning, and I rushed home. That 3 hour drive, seemed to take forever! Thank God, I had this guy with me.

I immediately knew, something was wrong. This wasn't the "usual" situation. And by that night, we were at the hospital. Unsure of what our future held. My Dad looked horrible. We became the priority case. And immediately, we were in ICU. We spent the next week or so, by my Daddy's bedside. Watching him. Praying for him. Taking care of him.

Christmas came and went. New Year's quickly followed. And soon we were home. My Dad was weak. But alive. And home. It took us days, to unwrap the few gifts that we had bought. Our family is totally a "Shopping Procrastination Family." My Mom and I quickly shopped the sales. Bought gifts for the kids. Bought food and essentials. And spent the next few weeks, hosting family. And taking care of my Daddy.

Over the last year, we've all adjusted. My Dad gets so frustrated with himself. With the fact that he can't do the things he used to do. My Mom and I, have become experts in Health Care. We now see our family doctor once a month. Take semi-monthly trips to the pharmacy. All of that stuff.

My Mom has adjusted the most. Other than my Dad. She had to learn lots of things. How to check my Dad's blood. How to give him a shot. My Dad had to learn how to eat differently. There were lot of changes to their daily life.

Nowadays, my Dad drives less. He naps more. His energy is maybe 1/2 of what it was a year ago. His balance is off, most days. There are more pills. Lots more insurance. And calls to companies. Lots of patients. Lots of time to get places.

There are also those weeks, when my Dad is just out of it. When he doesn't feel right. And just wants to sleep. When he is feeling horrible. When we need to really watch over him, and nurse him. When he feels depressed, and moody. The times when I try to be there. When I pray the most.

A year ago, my Dad would drop us off at the Mall. Walk around a few times, before sitting down, to wait for my Mom and I, to finish shopping. These days, he has a Handicap Parking Sticker. One of us has to walk him in. And find him a place to sit. On a good day, I can convince him, to walk around a store, once. Before he gets completely exhausted!

There have been falls. There have been prescription changes. New treatments. And lots and lots of patients! But things are looking up. My Dad's numbers are improving. At a much more rapid pace, than one would expect. Soon, he'll be off his shots. And his medication lowered.

But there have definitely been changes. I spend more time, with my parents. More time helping them. More time taking care of everyone. I don't mind. I'm glad to be able to do it. I also have this guy, who makes it all possible!

A year ago, I was pleading with God. Asking for one more year. I needed one more year. It wasn't his time yet. I vowed to take care of my Daddy. To do whatever needed to be done. I begged God. Every night, when everyone would leave, and my Mom would sleep, I'd sit there. Praying for my Daddy. Holding his hand. Encouraging him to fight.

The last year has been tough. My parents own a business. One that doesn't take a break. Ever! One that put more and more responsibilities, on my shoulders. I was more than ready to help out. I've learned much more about the business. Learned, done work, and honestly...just tried to keep up. My Dad was used to getting up and starting his work day at 3AM. These days, he naps from 6AM-8AM. Then again from 10AM-1PM.

But most of all, I've tried to bring my family together. Tried to remind my brothers, we need to be there for our Dad. I wish that I could find my sisters. And encourage them to come back. We need to pull together. Our Dad is not a young guy. He's nearly 80. And he needs us. Honestly, we're lucky to have him. And we should all appreciate, this second chance. We got our Dad back. To love. And make memories with. Thank you God. The last year has meant so much to me! ♥

What Cards Really Mean...

Unfortunately, I don't live near, most of my Goddaughters. That really bothers me. As I want to be active in their lives. But I try to stay in touch with them. How do I do this? Well, a few ways. Mostly, I call my Goddaughters. I also Skype. For the older ones, that is one of the best things. :)

But I also send lots and lots of letters and cards. Filled with notes of love. And little treasures. Like stickers, pictures, and books. These are the most meaningful. I hear, that my Goddaughters wait for their "mail" to arrive. Knowing the little schedule, that we've got going on! :)

I usually get a call back. With a very excited little girl, on the other end. Which makes me smile. I want my Goddaughters to know, that I LOVE them. And that I'm ALWAYS thinking of them. Because, they each have a piece of my heart.

And then, I'm blessed. With little things that they send me too! A picture of them. A piece of "school art." And sometimes a beautifully colored picture. Yes, I hang them on our fridge. Or in my office. Because these things, mean the WORLD to me!



I think about this a lot. Because my Goddaughters, really do mean so much to me! I LOVE them with my whole heart! And I just think, that it's special to have this contact with them. But above that, I think they really enjoy the mail too! What kid, doesn't like to get mail? With their name on it!

I'm sure that Hallmark, and the USPS just LOVE this! They make bank off of me. But honestly, it's a small price to pay. When I stood up there, taking the vows, to be their Godmother, I was making promises to each of them. And to God. I don't take that lightly. And I hope that they know it. And that their parents know it. And especially, that God knows.

I know that my Goddaughters enjoy their cards. But for me, I enjoy them much more! It makes me feel amazing, to sit there, and write out a special card. To make it colorful and fun. To add something special inside. Just to let my favorite little girls know, that I love them. It means so much, when I get a scribbly picture back. That I know, they took the time to color. Just for me. Yes, those little cards, sent both ways, mean the world! ♥

Happy Birthday Enzo!

Today just happens to be Enzo's birthday. 31 years. Yuppers, my friends are getting old! ;) I'm just playing! But I wanted him to know, that I'm thinking about him today. Wishing and hoping he has an amazing birthday. Filled with fun and love.

Years ago, we'd come up with some elaborate plan. For all of our friends, to be in our hometown, on the same weekend. So we could celebrate. Having a fun BBQ. With tons of good music. And of course, a ton of food. Yes, those were good times. Then we all grew up, and became "real adults" with real responsibilities. It's been years since our fun get togethers. But I'll never forget those fun times. And I hope Enzo doesn't either.

Today is all about celebrating my friend. We've been friends forever. Literally, since my birth. And I can't think of a better friend. All I want for Enzo, is all of the love and support that he gives me. I want him to be happy, and to find the love that he deserves. Happy Birthday Zozo! I hope that it's a good one! ♥

Happy Birthday Maribel!

Dear Maribel,

Sweet girl, today is your 4th Birthday. Where in the world has all the time gone? I'm not sure. But your Nana has just enjoyed watching you grow so much! I'm so lucky to be your Nana.

Nothing puts a smile on my face, quite like you. From the way you smile, to all of your dancing. God has definitely blessed us all. Just by sending us you to love. That much I know is true. You are a true light in our lives.

For you sweet girl, I pray that you dream as big as the mountains, as deep as the seas, and as far as you can see. I want for you to grow big and strong. To accomplish everything that you do. To love your life. To trust in God. And to be happy.

I wish I could be with you right now. To tell you how much I love you. To hold you. And give you a great big hug. To sit and play with you and your Barbie dolls. To read lots of books. And just spend time with you.

But know this. I love you. I will always be here for you. 4 years ago, I promised your mommy and daddy, that I'd always be here. I pledged to God, to help you grow, follow in his path, and most importantly, to be your rock.

Happy Birthday sweet Miss Maribel. There is just something so sweet and innocent about you. Something that makes your Nana so happy and proud. I love you! I can't wait to see you. So we can celebrate our birthdays together. Until then, have a very magical birthday.

Love,
Your Nana ♥

Happy Birthday Cari!!!

Dear Cari Bear,

Today is your birthday! Happy Birthday sweet girl. I wish I was there. To tell you Happy Birthday in person. To give you a great big hug! I'm so blessed that you asked me to be your Godmother all those years ago. And when I finally got to your "Nana," what a very special day that was!

Cari you are no ordinary kid. You've been through a lot in your short life. Seen a lot. But you are just the absolute sweetest girl I will ever meet! I'm so honored just to know you. To be a part of your life, well it's more special than words can ever express. That much I know.

I hope that the Dear Lord blesses you with all your wishes, dreams, and successes in life. Cari you deserve that and so much more! There are few people in this world, that are true and honest "sweethearts." People who's souls are truly amazing. Cari you are one of those amazing people.

It's crazy, that at such a young age, this little girl is such a blessing. Does so much good for the world. And truly makes my heart sing. I know that her daddy is also very proud of her too. And we all feel so blessed to be part of Cari Bear's life.

But today, it's all about Cari. Making this day extra special. Sending lots of extra special wishes, prayers, and good thoughts her way. This is the day we celebrate your amazing life. And the miracle God has sent our way. Happy Birthday Cari Bear!!!

Love,
Your Nana♥

Am I Going to Be Ready?

1 month ago today, I found out about this 5K. I knew about it before then. But that's the day, I found out the actual date. It's in 15 days. No lie! And I just started training. As in, Sunday morning...

I usually run. Every single day. At least a mile. But usually more like 2 or 3 miles. By the end of the summer I was up to 5 miles a day! I was so proud of myself. But lately, things have been crazy. For about 2 months now, life has been ridiculously busy. The last 2 weeks, have been especially bad. But honestly, I wish I was still back home with Baby C. She is way more important than all of this.

Sunday, I decided that I needed to get my butt moving. I was 20 days away from running a 5K. I got up early, and somehow got My Guy to go running with me. We ran a mile. And walked the mile back to the house. It felt good. There is something incredible about running in the cool air. :)

Monday, My Guy had to work again. It's a little weird for him to work Monday and Tuesday. But this week, he had to. So he got up before me, again. Had me a glass of juice and a little snack ready. Then we went to run. A mile and a half! After that, we walked back to the house. Honestly, I thought I was going to die!

That was 3 miles on Monday morning. I was really sore from Sunday. And my back was really hurting. I don't know why. But on Sunday, I woke up with such a sore back. I could barely get out of bed. On Monday, ugh, I was in some fierce pain!

Tuesday, I could barely get out of bed. It didn't help that My Guy didn't have to be at work until near noon. His first day to sleep in since October 7th? I think that was the last day. Anyway, he was happily in bed. Asleep. And felt like I should be there too. Ugh, but I had to run.

So I literally rolled out of bed. Looked for some shoes and was out the door. Yes, I went running in my pjs. I mean, who in world is going to see me? We live in the BFE. And I run on our trails. No one in sight! I don't think our animals cared what I was wearing. They were the only ones awake at that hour. And just so you know, I had on 2 different shoes. I realized this on the walk back...

Wednesday, I had to run on the treadmill. I was already in Sin City. I'm not a fan of running outside here. So I ran on the treadmill. For 1 1/2 miles. My 3rd day at 1 1/2 miles. And I hated it. I just can't run on a treadmill. I hate it!

Yesterday, it was another mile and a half. Really annoying. But today, I branched out. I went running with some friends. Outside! Praise the Lord! I rather run outside than on a treadmill. Even though it was cold. And icky from all the rain. Oh, and we left in the dark. But it was a good run. And we ran 2 miles! :)

So am I crazy? I'm trying to get in gear for a 5K. In less than 3 weeks! I started with a mile. And I hope by this coming Monday, that I'm running 2 1/2 miles a day. My goal is to be running 3 miles by October 30th. Ugh! I should have been training weeks ago! You know doing it the right way. Slightly increasing my distance. And hopefullly my speed at the same time.

Whatever happens, I will be running a 5K on November 6th. Even if I'm sick. Or barely moving. You know, because of my back. Or if I have to haul my TPN with me. Even if I pass out halfway through, I'm going to accomplish this run.

Why? Because this event is in memory, of a very special person. Someone that meant the world to me. And I want to honor him in this little way. No matter what, I'm going to accomplish this. I just hope I'm ready for 3 miles of running. In my hometown. I know it's harder to run out there. Especially in the cold weather. ♥

We Miss You B

B,

It's been 5 years B. I can't believe it. 5 years! Yesterday, that was all I could think of. I miss you so much. I know your esposo misses you so much too We sat and talked about you and your baby today. He just fell apart. The emotions are still so raw.

I find myself still reaching for the phone. To call you. Just to chat about a new red lipstick that I've found. Or a new song that I like. I want to ask you how you're feeling. Or if you want to meet for lunch. I miss all of those things.

But it's your laugh, that I miss the most. It was fun and so full of life. Your smiles. I swear, they lit up an entire room. And your "Ya-yas." I miss all of those things about you B. I miss my friend.

I know that you are now with the Lord. And that you are no longer suffering. And for all of that, I find comfort. Because I know you are at ease. And you're happy. For those of us that you left behind, that's what makes it easier to deal with.

I still remember that last trip. All the fun we had. The fun wedding cakes we ate. How happy you were to see the groups playing. How happy we all were. Gabe and Linda had just gotten married. Sals and David had just had Marissa. Sarita was due any day. And you had told me about your little one. It was such an amazing trip!

Tonight, we celebrated you life. And your baby's life. The mass was beautiful. The music was gorgeous. But how could Mariachi not be gorgeous? It took everything I had inside, to get through some of those songs. It meant so much that your esposo asked me to sing them.

We all miss you so much. Sarita is always calling you her "Angel." But you're really A Guardian Angel to us all. It's been a tough 5 years. So much has changed. There are so many little ones. Your hubby has moved away. I've moved away. But we all still love and miss and love you so much!

Besitos,

La Chiquitita ♥

Tough Day

Today we buried my hero. My friend. The man that I thought of as my second dad. To say that it was tough, that's an understatement. The day was so hard. The HUGE rainstorm, it was fitting. Just as we got to the cemetery, the rain came. Like the earth was also mourning for my dear friend.

Nothing was harder than watching his casket being lowered. The wave of emotion that hit me. In that instant, I was numb with emotions. Like this was the finale. Now, it was true. My friend had gone to heaven.

It was a tough day. A day of sadness. Glorious sadness. I know my friend is now an Angel. Flying high above us. No longer in pain. Not suffering. But for those of us, that loved him, the sadness is overwhelming us. We're looking for comfort. For love. And only time will bring us comfort. ♥

Superman Lost His Fight

I can't help but be incredibly sad. Pretty much crushed. My hero, my mentor, my friend lost his battle yesterday. Incredibly sad. I feel so empty inside. Like a part of me is instantly missing. My Superman, he lost his fight.

He battled cancer for years. He had battled his health, his entire life. But he never gave up. Never said it was too much. And when I began my fight with "The Big C," it was my dear friend that encouraged my own fight.

I met him as a young child. Quickly he became one of my parent's best friends. And my mentor. Someone who had accomplished so much in his lifetime. He came from a small town. He went to college, and became a teacher. Never giving up on his own education, he earned his PhD. A truly amazing man.

My friend was also a family man. A father of 2. Was married for the second time. Completely in love with his wife. He loved his grandchildren. And his stepchildren. He was devoted to his family. And that, I learned. Family always comes first. He taught me that.

He was also a devoted man. To the church. He loved his God. As I love God. Church made him happy. He enjoyed religion. He enjoyed everything about the church. And that, we shared. We'd talk about church. I'd send him various religious articles, symbols, and cards. We have a love for our Lord, that is an unbroken bond. A forever love.

My dear friend was my hero. My Superman. He taught me that nothing is ever out of reach. With plenty of hard work and persistence, you can get there. You can accomplish all of your goals. It just takes hard work. He had a dream to own a home, near the mountains. One of those expensive ones. About 10 years ago, he accomplished that. I remember the first time I visited. And we sat looking at the mountains and the stars. He also held an important job. One that took his entire career to get to. But one that he was so proud of.

He wasn't just a casual meeting. A chance friend. Someone that passes through your life. My friend had a HUGE impact on my life. He changed the direction I would take. The way I look at life. Even the man, that I allowed myself to fall in love with. Yes, my friend encouraged me to love My Guy. He knew it was important to have a life partner.

As incredibly sad as I am, I'm grateful. This amazing man was in my life. For 20 years. He changed me. He taught me. He allowed me to grow. He made my life better. And he taught me how to live. I'll never forget those things. Ever! Because that's how special he was.

My friend will always have a HUGE place in my heart. Thinking about him, brings a smile to my face. Those familiar hugs, I will miss them. I'll miss talking about life. His encouraging words. And his kind heart.

As hard as my own battle with "The Big C" has been, I will never give up. I've learned that from this man. To never give up. You never know what God has planned for you. Or what lies in your future.

On this day. The day when my heart is heavy with grief, I pray. I pray that my friend no longer has to suffer. That he gets to dance with the angels. Eat all the yummy food his heart desires. That he longer has to feel the pain that he lived with. And that my dear Lord has opened the Gates of Heaven to him. ♥

6 Years...

Auntie Chuchie,

It's been 6 long years. I remember that day, like it was yesterday. In fact, that entire week, felt like a blur. A blur, that I couldn't process at the time. But that I would remember well. Remember all the details from.

What a difficult week it was. I was so sad. And all I wanted to do, was go home. So I could see you. Instead, I was at my home. Sore from my accident. Finishing your blanket. And praying, that I'd get it back to you.

It was our favorite holiday. And I was trying everything, to get in the Halloween Spirit. Instead, I was miserable. Thinking, I need to be somewhere else. I need to be somewhere more important. With you.

I managed to handout candy. And somehow make it to rehearsal. But I couldn't get you, off of my mind. I knew something horrible, was going to happen. And there wasn't a thing I could do!

Late that night, I got the heartbreaking call. That you had gone with God. And my heart broke. I sat in silence. Felt like someone, had kicked me in the gut. And I couldn't breathe. Because I realized, my best friend was now gone.

It's been 6 years. And the pain is still here. Still haunts me every single day. I try to hold on to your memory. Anyway that I can. Since your passing, I've ALWAYS had a yellow kitchen. I make sure to have your picture with me. And anytime, that I meet someone new, I tell them about my amazing Auntie Chuchie.

I don't think I'll ever get used to the fact, that you're not here anymore. I'll never stop feeling this pain. But I'll ALWAYS have you with me! All the wonderful memories.

I wish, that we had had more time. That you could have taught me more. Like how to make your Frito pie, and meatloaf! Oh, and empanaditas. But more importantly, so that we could have more time together. More time to make memories. And share our lives.

There's not a day, that I don't think about you. Your AMAZING heart. And all the love, that you shared, with each of us. I miss you every single day! And I wish that we could just sit and talk. For just 5 more minutes. I love you Auntie Chuchie!

Love,
Your Little Niece♥

Happy Birthday Sarita

Dear Sarita,

Happy 4th Birthday! Sweet girl, you are just A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!!! A blessing, sent straight from God. My very first Goddaughter. That I LOVE with all of my HEART!

I just can't imagine life without you. You are so special. God has HUGE plans for you. And I truly believe, that you are an "Angel on Earth." Sent here, to bless us all. But also, to do such amazing things. Because you are the strongest person that I know!

I think about how lucky I am. That I'm your Nana. That God always had this plan. That we'd be blessed, by this special bond. I knew that this was something special. Something I wanted to be a part of. I'm so glad, that your Mommy and Daddy, picked me.

Your health, is a test. A test to all of us. In our beliefs in God. That we give our hardships over to him. And know that he will ALWAYS be here for us. We know this. I have full belief, that one day, you are going to be completely healthy. That we will have past this test. And that we are all going to be stronger, and more loving, because of it.

Today is your day! The day that we celebrate you. And all the AMAZING blessings that we have. I'm so proud to be your Nana. And I hope, that you have the BEST Birthday today! Love you with all of my heart! And I can't wait to celebrate with you.

Love,
Your Nana♥

Missing B

Dear B,

It's been 4 years. 4 years ago, you walked through the Gates of Heaven. I miss you B. Big O misses you. We all do! Sarita calls you her Angel. But I know, you are an Angel to all of us.

I can't believe how many things have happened in the last 4 years. How many things have changed. I've met an amazing man. I know you would like him. His sense of humor, it reminds me a lot of you. Sometimes when I'm sitting quietly, I think about us. How fun it would have been, to have you and Big O over for dinner. You'd love it out here. And I know that we'd all get along so well!

But life changed. So much. Is it nuts that I still go to e-mail you? Or that I've had at least 8 cellphones in the last 4 years. And I still put your number in my contacts. But that's the kind of friend that you were.

A close one. Someone I'd call when I found the perfect lipgloss. Or when something horrible had happened. I know, you would have been the first person, I would have called when I met My Guy. Or after our first date. We would talk about silly things. Like what kind of cologne he wore. Or the music he was playing in his car.

I miss you B. I miss going to your house. I miss seeing how happy you and Big O were. How your dogs would chase us around. And that laugh of yours. B I miss you. You were the first of my "Family of Friends." The first person to really welcome me to the group. To show me around.

And through all of that, we became the best of friends. So close! Joking about my horrible love life. Or lack thereof. I miss going to lunch and trying all sorts of weird and new foods. But most of all, I just miss you. Talking to you. Listening to you.

B, I know that you are in a better place. That you are no longer in pain. You're no longer hurting or suffering. But B, we all miss you. I'm not the only one. We still sit and talk about you. Look through pictures. Just so we don't forget. Because how can we forget you? You were an amazing friend! B Rest in Peace with all the Angels. And until we meet again...

Besitos,
La Chiquitita♥