The Truth...

The last few weeks have been challenging. Who am I kidding??? The last few months have. I've kept it pretty quiet. But in June, I suffered 2 concussions, in just a few days. It really did a number on me. By the end of July, I was still in a lot of pain. Having constant migraines. Being forced to take a temporary leave, from the hospital. Honestly, I really couldn't function.

A lot of this, has to do with my past. I was a cheerleader for 5 years. Competitive cheerleader. With a coach, that we nicknamed "Hitler." If you knew her, you'd know why. In my senior year, I was hurt. I suffered 10 concussions, in just 1 week. Everyone around me, could see that I was barely functioning. I'm almost positive, during that week, I spent more time in the nurse's office...than I did in my classes. :( But I tried to stay positive. Tried to hide my pain. My constant dizziness. And my constant nausea.

I'd convinced my parents, that I was OK. But also, begged my Dad to drive me to school. That entire week. And when it was time to head home, go to a game, or whatever other school activity I had...I'd ask a friend. Which was completely, out of the ordinary for me. By that Friday, I really was barely going.

I remember there being a school assembly. And just praying, that I'd make it through that hour. That included a dance performance, a cheer performance, and the other craziness that we were supposed to be doing. Sometime during our cheer performance, "That Girl," landed square on my head. And somehow, in that instance, I knew something was different.

I barely made it through that hour. In so much pain. Struggling to stand. The minute the gym cleared, my Dad was trying to figure out if I was OK. Other parents were arguing with my coach. By that night, I was on doctor's orders. No more cheering. Until I had healed. At least a 6 week period.

I remember the doctor, scolding my Dad. Who happened to be the one, that took me to the doctor. He explained how serious this was. How many concussions I'd had in just 1 week. And what my future would hold, if I didn't stop all of this. I was out for 6 weeks. No "ifs," "ands," or "buts" about it!

BUT, we were heading to Nationals. In just a few weeks. What was a girl to do? Oh, my coach was not pleased!!! Not at all. I couldn't dance, in her dance class. I couldn't workout, practice, or do anything at games. Pretty much, if it was something that challenged me physically, I couldn't do it. If it was too loud, I was to remove myself. If it was too chaotic, I was to be no part of it.

But it was Nationals. My coach was beyond angry. The trip was paid for. And it was my senior year. After about 10 days, I talked to my parents. If I continued to be benched, not be involved in anyway, in stunts, and just took it easy...they'd let me go.

This is the point, that most people would think, we're all crazy!!! We were. But I was determined. I became the official "Sign and Banner" girl, during our performance. Which included me doing 2 jumps, dancing, and a lot of "Crowd Involvement."

That trip was a bit miserable. We left in the wee hours of December 26. My uncle, had past away, the night before. But we were headed to Dallas. On a plane with a "broken wing." We didn't get far. Not just because of our plane, but because of the "unusual blizzard." Eventually, we made it to Dallas.

It got worse. There was lots of fighting. Freezing temps, blizzard conditions, our coach was so sick. It was just miserable. Our performance went OK. Nothing to write home about. And then, we were expected to spend 2 days at Six Flags. In the snow!!! Um, I couldn't even ride the rides. I was miserable.

As you can tell, I didn't take good care of myself. For that, I suffer today. I've had a handful of concussions in the last 10 years. Each one, is much more debilitating to me. I find myself suffering from migraines. Unable to do much. Out for much longer periods of time.

So when My Guy suffered a concussion in late August, I knew immediately. Partly due to my "Day Job." Partly due to my past. I was surprised, when the doctor "cleared" him. And just told him to take it easy.

Then, just a few weeks ago, he suffered another. The impact, was much harder. In all, he had 3 concussions, in just 6 weeks. And suddenly, our world came "Screeching to a Halt." This man wasn't going to be able to work. At least for 2 weeks. Maybe longer. We weren't sure.

This time, he was to not watch TV, play video games, or get on the computer. He had to stay away from too much action, noise, and busy-ness in general. Essentially, we were to make him rest. Monitor his headaches, and other symptoms.

Normally, it wouldn't be too bad. OK, yes it would. He's still a man, after all. One that doesn't like to appear weak. But after making him go to the doctor, being diagnosed, and realizing the seriousness of the situation...he knew he had to stop. Just as I had done, a few months ago.

Oh, but this time around, we had nearly 100 people in town. Just for 2 events. Besides the people that had paid to attend these events. 100 personal guests. Our friends understood. As did family. And this guy's co-workers. Did it make it any easier? Not really...

The two of us, found other ways to entertain ourselves. Lots of talking. Tons of napping. And just enjoying life in the "Slow Lane." Something we don't do. Not ever!!! Days would pass. He'd feel better. Insisting, that he could go back to work. But really, he couldn't. He couldn't even drive a car. Hello!?!?!?

Until today. Just now. After 2 days of doctors' appointments, tests, and "real life" situations. He's been officially cleared. And life, is apparently, back to normal. :) My Love, is healed!!!

The first week, was tough. But we learned so much about one another. The second week, was a bit more relaxing. We slept a lot. A LOT!!! The beginning of this week, we were just flat out anxious. Again, some of our best friends, were in town. To finally get some of those postponed events done.

It's been a challenge. Especially, if you knew the second part of this. My Dad hasn't been doing well either. Just before this round of concussions, I'd been home. To help my parents. My Dad is just struggling right now. I really do wish, that I could have spent more time with them. Just being there to help out. But I'm just glad, that I got to be there, for the short time, that I was. Helping were I could.

As you can tell, it's been a very chaotic, and hectic time. I've turned to God, more times, than I can possibly count. I'm grateful to God, that he is with us, when we need him most. Comforting us. Giving us strength.

With our news, just a little while ago, the chaos starts again. At least, until Thanksgiving. :) I need to run to the store, get packing, and wrap my head around all of this. It's just been such a tough time. And I pray, that the remainder of our year, has a little less "action." ♥

Counting Our Blessings

This has been such a busy weekend. Good and bad. We've enjoyed lots of "Q-Time" with our friends. But then there was some tragedy near us. We're all praying for the family. And the families of the Empire State Building shooting. Wow! It's just been so up and down lately.

It makes what this man does for a living, seem a little...well "unimportant" this morning. His words, not mine. When you see the "Real World" crashing down around you, sometimes it just makes you think. But we're trying to get our heads on straight.

This guy has to work tonight. Not tomorrow. Like during a "usual week." It kind of throws off our schedule. But that means we have tomorrow off. And what are we going to do? Have a "Date Day," in Tennessee. Should be fun!

Until then, this guy is clowning around. We're watching Baby C this morning. As her momma, isn't feeling well. And well, this Nono is having a blast! Singing this song to her...



And she just thinks it's that best thing ever! I've got to admit, it's fun to watch him sing and dance around. With not a care in the world! Because tonight, he will be very serious, at work. And I'll probably be having a blast with Baby C. Maybe we might get a little nap in too!

But more than anything, today is about counting our blessings. With all these tragedies that are happening, and knowing that my own grandma is experiencing some health issues, we must count our blessings. Our family could really use your prayers right now.

God is GREAT! We just need to believe in him. And remember he is here, to help us carry our hardships. Happy Saturday! ♥

A GREAT Love Story!

Today, my friend Dawn is marrying her Prince Charming! She's had a tough life. Filled with tragedy, hurt, and sadness. But at the end of that dark place, she found the most AMAZING man you can imagine!

Alejandro was exactly what she needed. What her kids needed. What made everyone happy, complete, and safe. Someone that just LOVES the 5 of them, because this was God's plan. I'm so happy for them! And so inspired by this AMAZING love story!!!



Just over 2 years ago, Dawn left a pretty horrible situation. With 4 small kids. And nothing else. I'm so happy to say, that J and I, were able to help them start over. Little did we know, that Love was nearby. Waiting to grow and blossom. :)

Just another example of God's Love for us. How he rewards us. With love. Today, my friend will marry her best friend. Her soul mate. And Alejandro will not only vow to love sweet Dawn. But he is adopting her 4 beautiful kids!

I wish the happy couple, a lifetime of love, happiness, and peace. I know that God is going to bless them. And we all pray that their family will grow. With the love, that is planted in their hearts and souls. Congrats Dawn and Alejandro!!! ♥

Little Rain Drops

I've ALWAYS been a big fan of rain. I'm giving the credit to my grandparents. As I spent years and years, with them. For many summers, I'd spend 2 months with them. In the mountains. They had a tin roof. And when the summer rains rolled into the mountains, there was nothing better then sitting on their porch. Listening to the steady rain falling. Watching, as it cleaned the Earth.

I still feel like that. When the rain rolls in, I feel like I'm 5 years old again. Sitting on that front porch. Watching as God cleanses the world. The only way, that really wipes away the filth. I'm drawn to rain. Forget rainy nights. I'll spend hours, just listening to the rain. Feeling a certain "peace" come over me.

Lately, rains have been seldom. Far between. Something that I've craved more and more. I just feel like my own spirit, needs some cleansing. And there is nothing like a good rain, that cleans a person's soul. And since we haven't had rain, I've searched out some rain inspired treats. :)



This rain cloud necklace, is so incredible! It's delicate. Unexpected. And so fun! Now if I could just find the seller...



What about this fun and colorful rain cloud? So fun! Another treat, that I'd LOVE to own! The colorful raindrops, just make me smile!!!



And this precious picture makes me smile! I can't find a source for this one either. :( But this is something, that I can try to replicate. Oh yes! I just need to head out for a canvas. I can't wait, to have a little fun painting like this.

It's funny, how much I like rain, rain clouds, rain drops...anything of that sort! Have you seen anything similar? I'd LOVE to hear all about it! Because I'm so serious, about purchasing some "rain" inspire items. ♥

The Butter to My Biscuit

"Ya that happy to see me?" My Guy asks this silly question, as he walks into my dressing room last night. That sly sideways smile of his, makes my heart skip a beat! Maybe 2!!! Don't tell him, but between that smile, and those blue eyes, I just can't help myself!!! I just melt. :)

In all truth, I had just finished that last few lines, of that book, I'd been toting around all week. I read 6 or 7 books, a week. But once in a while, I happen upon a really good book. And it's a constant battle in my head. Do I read it quickly? Too see what's going to happen. Or make it last weeks? To enjoy it longer. This was one of those books. And those last few lines, made it all worth it!

I was happy with the ending of the book. As Manders was setting my hair in rollers. We were getting ready for the show. Cole was setting out the wardrobe for the night. Thinking about the fun show, later in the evening. Truth is, I was in such a GREAT mood!

The BBs are in town. My friends. My very best friends are here. For 2 glorious weeks!!! And here I am, on the moon! So happy. Hanging out with them. And my gorgeous Goddaughters.

Because the BBs are in town, I'm working with them. And the band, is working with this guy. It really is a match made in Heaven!!! We should be working together. But yesterday, it didn't quite happen that way. I found myself running around. Promoting the next 2 weeks events, on every local radio station. And this guy, was hard at work too.

It wasn't until that moment, when he walked in, that we'd finally had time to talk. I was so happy to see him. In all reality, he wasn't the reason for that specific smile. But 99.9% of the time, he's the reason for my smiles. :)

There's just something about this man. He makes my heart skip a beat. My lips can't help themselves, they turn up in a smile. Whenever he's around, I just smile. I crave a sweet kiss, from my Southern Gentleman! I get that spark of electricity, every single time we touch. The kind, that makes me realize, that loves is real.

Years ago, I was in a relationship. One that ended badly. I realized then, what I wanted in a relationship. In those dark moments, it hit me. Like that ball, shattering the window. I knew, I couldn't live like this. I knew, this was not what I wanted, or deserved.

Just days ago, I seen that man. Completely stressed out. Screaming at his poor little boy. Who was running through our local Albertson's. Pulling everything off the shelves. This man, was screaming. Losing it. Right there. In the middle of the cereal aisle.

In that moment, I knew, I'd made the right decision. That man, had once been good with kids. He'd helped me care for my nieces. Made sure we had family meals. That the girls went to school on time. That their tuition to private school was paid. That each one, knew we loved them. He'd had the patients to help with homework. Run kids to school activities. And even volunteered, to go on field trips. Because at the same time, I was working a full time job, going to school (25 credit hours), and starting my new internship at the hospital.

These days, he was fighting, with his sweet son. They couldn't agree on what color of grapes to buy. What cereal would be best. Or what this sweet little boy's favorite juice was...

I saw him. Defeated. This man, that I'd once loved. Had seen a future with. Had been through so much with. The one that I'd allowed myself, to once dream of a future with. It hit me like a ton of bricks. In his moment of need, I could only think..."I dodged a bullet."

Feeling guilty about that thought, I turned the corner. Managed to catch that sweet boy. He remembered me. I'd met him twice before. His daddy, was staying a good distance between us. I got down to his level, "Can we pick out your snacks? You and me together? No running." He nodded yes. And grabbed my hand.

We spent the next 20 minutes, slowly going through the store. Deciding on green grapes, strawberry wafer cookies, apple juice, Fruit Loops, pretzel sticks, string cheese, carrot sticks, pizza bites, and some frozen corn. I returned him to his daddy. Who'd spent the last 20 minutes angry, sitting on a bench. Near the front of the store.

No words were exchanged. Except for that sweet boy, "Tank you. Can you help me ext time too?" It broke me heart. I told him, the next time I seen him in the store, I'd help him too. I can't imagine what is going on there...

I turned around. Headed to pick out some avocados, corn tortillas, and strawberries. My original trip to the store, was supposed to have taken 5 minutes. By the time I was walking to my car, 1 bag in my hand, it had been an hour. And I couldn't help, but feel a sense of relief.

I'm not sure if anyone will understand this. Or how I can explain it. At the time we'd broken up, when everything had just melted before my eyes, I thought that was it. He was the only man that would ever love me. Now, what would I do?

But something about last night, made me realize, God has plans for us. That relationship, made me stronger. I'd had amazing boyfriends before that. Kind, gentle, loving. Something about the demise of this relationship, had shown me, everything I'd never put up with. That I was worth so much more.

Sitting in that chair. Feeling rather unattractive. As my friend put my hair in rollers. I had no makeup on. Sat there in one of this guy's old t-shirts, and a pair of torn sweatpants, I knew God had sent me to him. To this amazing man. To love him. To be loved by him. To share my life with.



It didn't matter what I looked like. That I more than likely, had onion breath. I'd just finished a quick snack. Or that we hadn't seen each other all day. He still makes my heart skip a beat. He still makes me feel beautiful. Loved. Important. And valuable.

When we got home, early this morning, it was the little things. The way he immediately gets out the car, and comes to open the door for me. Pulls me close to him. Kisses me, like I'm all that matters. Reaches for my hand, as we head inside. It's the fact that I don't have to tell him, but he goes to the fridge. Pulls out some water, and fruit. Meets me on the couch. And spends the next 3 hours, catching up on Grey's Anatomy with me.

It's the way, he gently strokes my hair. As I'm falling asleep. The way, he enjoys holding me, when I fall asleep. Not moving, so that I can get a few hours, worth of sleep. And it's the way, he looks me straight in the eye. Holding nothing back.

All those things, that we've gone through before this. They were to prepare us, for this relationship. It allows us to fully embrace it. And appreciate it. We don't take one thing for granted. Not one kiss. One snuggle. Or one moment. We appreciate each and every moment, we have together. However big or small. This, was always God's plan. And now, we just need to help each other. Help each other grow and prosper. Become stronger people together. He really is the butter, to my biscuit. ♥

The Perfect Message

Life gets crazy! Really quickly. And we tend to forget, what is really important. Because we're busy working. Chasing the dollar. And pining over all these "worldly treasures." We forget what is really important. That life is about God, family and friends.



I recently saw this, in an Etsy Shop. For the world of me, I can't find it now. But I thought it was a perfect reminder. Of the important things in life. The things that really matter. About feeding our soul, with all the love and promise, that God has for us. That life is about more, than just money and possessions.

I was surprised, when this guy brought it home. Just this week. It was something, that also spoke to him. Spoke to his soul, just like it had for me. We hung it, right inside a sitting room. That is connected to our bedroom. So we could see it every single day. And we can reflect on the things, in our lives, that are really important and meaningful. ♥

El Dia de Los Reyes

Today is El Dia de Los Reyes. Three Kings' Day. What a magical day it has been! I was lucky enough, to celebrate with my friends. The day that the 3 Kings, came to bring Jesus gifts. In our culture, it is also a day to celebrate. To bring gifts for one another. And to enjoy a little bit of Rosca de Reyes.



Today, we celebrated. Went to church. Celebrated Jesus, and the 3 Kings. We later celebrated at Memo's house. With a nice feast. Where my Compadre Juan found Baby Jesus in the Rosca de Reyes! The kiddos showed me all their new gifts. And we opened some presents. I can't wait until February 2nd! When Juan is throwing the next party. It was such a magical day! ♥

Faithful Love

His father Zechariah was filled with the Holy Spirit
and spoke this prophecy:
Blessed be the Lord, the God of Israel,
for he has visited his people,
he has set them free,
and he has established for us a saving power
in the House of his servant David,
just as he proclaimed,
by the mouth of his holy prophets from ancient times,
that he would save us from our enemies
and from the hands of all those who hate us,
and show faithful love to our ancestors,
and so keep in mind his holy covenant.
This was the oath he swore to our father Abraham,
that he would grant us, free from fear,
to be delivered from the hands of our enemies,
to serve him in holiness and uprightness in his presence,
all our days.
And you, little child,
you shall be called Prophet of the Most High,
for you will go before the Lord to prepare a way for him,
to give his people knowledge of salvation
through the forgiveness of their sins,
because of the faithful love of our God
in which the rising Sun has come from on high to visit us,
to give light to those who live in darkness
and the shadow dark as death,
and to guide our feet into the way of peace.
~Luke 1:67-79

May you all be blessed, on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day! I hope that you are all able to enjoy your family and friends. On these very special days. Sing from the mountaintops. Love with everything you have. And make the most beautiful memories, to last a lifetime. ♥

The Shack

Happy Thursday! If you are looking for my giveaway, click here. Don't forget about my Mom's giveaway. Or my Care Bear's giveaway. You have just over a day, to enter all 3!



On to books. One of my cousins, recently recommended "The Shack." She said it's an amazing book! A book that touches on religion. A man suffers a great loss. Then goes on to spend a few days with God. But not the way we'd expect. No, God, the entire trinity, comes in the form of people. It got me interested. Because my cousin, was really into this book. I'm on the search for it. And headed to a bookstore today. I hope I find it! Have you read it? Or do you have a book, that I need to read? ♥

Praying

"Behold I will close their wounds and give them health, and I will cure them: and I will reveal to them, the prayer of peace and truth."
~Jeremiah 33:6

Please say an extra prayer, for my best friend. She is having surgery today. Hills has had a tough 2 years. And needs all the love, prayers, and support we can send her way. My Guy and I were supposed to be there today. But are currently snowed in. Hills we love you! Can't wait to see you soon. Remember, we're always with you and Baby C! ♥

What Cards Really Mean...

Unfortunately, I don't live near, most of my Goddaughters. That really bothers me. As I want to be active in their lives. But I try to stay in touch with them. How do I do this? Well, a few ways. Mostly, I call my Goddaughters. I also Skype. For the older ones, that is one of the best things. :)

But I also send lots and lots of letters and cards. Filled with notes of love. And little treasures. Like stickers, pictures, and books. These are the most meaningful. I hear, that my Goddaughters wait for their "mail" to arrive. Knowing the little schedule, that we've got going on! :)

I usually get a call back. With a very excited little girl, on the other end. Which makes me smile. I want my Goddaughters to know, that I LOVE them. And that I'm ALWAYS thinking of them. Because, they each have a piece of my heart.

And then, I'm blessed. With little things that they send me too! A picture of them. A piece of "school art." And sometimes a beautifully colored picture. Yes, I hang them on our fridge. Or in my office. Because these things, mean the WORLD to me!



I think about this a lot. Because my Goddaughters, really do mean so much to me! I LOVE them with my whole heart! And I just think, that it's special to have this contact with them. But above that, I think they really enjoy the mail too! What kid, doesn't like to get mail? With their name on it!

I'm sure that Hallmark, and the USPS just LOVE this! They make bank off of me. But honestly, it's a small price to pay. When I stood up there, taking the vows, to be their Godmother, I was making promises to each of them. And to God. I don't take that lightly. And I hope that they know it. And that their parents know it. And especially, that God knows.

I know that my Goddaughters enjoy their cards. But for me, I enjoy them much more! It makes me feel amazing, to sit there, and write out a special card. To make it colorful and fun. To add something special inside. Just to let my favorite little girls know, that I love them. It means so much, when I get a scribbly picture back. That I know, they took the time to color. Just for me. Yes, those little cards, sent both ways, mean the world! ♥

Giving Myself to God

I just needed some time to think. Out here, in the middle of paradise, that's exactly what I'm getting. Because I need it. I need to work through it all. Personal stuff. Family stuff. Where my life is headed. I need to work through it.

I'm good at all those things. Listening. Thinking. Waiting. Forgiving. Trying. Lately, it's been difficult. My heart has been hard towards certain people. And it's really effecting all parts of my life. I need to let that hard part go. Just let it tumble out of my life.

It's the tough stuff that makes us...well, us. And it's the tough stuff that makes me remember what's important. I'm glad. I really need to get my priorities straight. I need to give myself up to God. And let him guide me more in my life. This paradise, it's the place he created. For people like me to come to. Just to think and reconnect. ♥

Ash Wednesday

Today is Ash Wednesday. A day that I really do take to heart. It means a lot to me. Growing up in a Catholic family, makes days like this, very important. If I were in my hometown, I'd be going to my parents' house for dinner tonight. My Mom would make a traditional Lenten meal. So yummy! And we'd start our own 40 Day Journey.

I was absolutely exhausted this morning. We worked, pretty much for, 24 hours straight. After all the work we did last week. But this is important to me. And we went to mass. A normally 45 minute, weekday mass, was well over 3 hours long. But completely worth every second! I didn't just leave church with ashes on my forehead, but with a renewed spirit.

For many years, I "gave up" most foods, for the entire Lenten Season. That's Ash Wednesday, until Easter Sunday. But due to illness, I can't do that anymore. And for the last few years, I've had a difficult time coming up with a "luxury" to sacrifice.

This year is going to be a little different. I've actually done a version of this, for a few years now. I'm going to serve others. Do good deeds. Surprise people. Share my God given gifts. And overall, try to make other people's lives better. I will pray every day. I will dedicate time to God. But I really want to "pay it forward."

Just a little different spin on things I guess. I'm hoping that by Easter Sunday, I'll feel better deep inside. More connected to God, my spirituality, and religion. Renewed. Refreshed. Energized. I feel like when you allow God inside, he makes everything 1000X more incredible. Sometimes we lose touch a bit. But that's the amazing thing about my religion, it allows, and welcomes you back. Open hearts. Open minds. Open arms. ♥

Happy Birthday Dad!

The last few months have been tough for our family. Especially my Dad. I can't believe that just 2 months ago, he was fighting for his life. Literally. It was the first time that I really was faced with losing him.

My entire life, I've known that my Dad isn't going to be around forever. I've always known that I will have significantly less years with my parents. Because they were older when I was born. But suddenly, it became real. Harshly real.

So today, it's extra special. Not just because it's my Dad's birthday. But because God let us have him for one more year. That is very, very special. And I know a lot of that has to do with all the love, support, and prayers that we received from so many people. Thank you all again!

I've come to realize just how important it is to say, "I Love You." I'm not one to say that much. But if I've learned nothing more than this small lesson, always say what you mean. You don't realize just how quickly life can change. One minute, you're wrapping Christmas presents. The next, you're watching your Daddy fight for his life. Yes, it happens that quickly!

Happy Birthday Dad! You mean the absolute world to me! You're the very first man that I ever loved. And that ever loved me. I've looked up to you my entire life. Wanting to be the very best, just to make you proud.

Today is all about you. The things you want to do. Celebrating. And just enjoying life. I'll be saying tons of extra prayers today. Thanking our Dear Lord for allowing us more time together. Time to make memories. And to love one another as a family.

For everyone reading this, tell that special person just how much they mean to you. You never know if you will see tomorrow. And you never know if you'll get one more day to celebrate. Live every day to it's fullest. And with no regrets. Take it from my Daddy, and live your life without fear. ♥

Searching for Peace

I know that I shouldn't feel this way. I should be very grateful for the life I live. I have a man that truly loves me. That has stood by my side through so much. Is here for me day in, and day out. My Guy is here, battle the Big C with me. I'm very lucky.

Beyond him, I have parents that love me very much. At times, I question my Daddy. But I realize, he grew up very differently than me. In a very different time. So I need to understand, at times, that harshness, it's really love. But I know, my parents love me. My Mom and I, well our relationship has just bloomed over the last few years. Something that I'm so grateful for!

I also have a HUGE group of friends that really love me. Best friends that I've had since birth. Especially Enzo. The man has done so much for me! Since birth, we've been "Kindred Spirits." Friends I've met along the way. My "adult" friends. The ones that are more like family. All the family friends that have watched me grow. That embrace me as a daughter. Yes, there are lots of them.

I'm also in a much more comfortable stage in my life. Financial, I'm doing well. I own my own home. Free and clear. It's mine. And I'm only 27 years old! I no longer have to go to sleep without eating, freezing in a cold house, and wondering if a tuition payment is more important than a doctor's appointment. I'm able to provide for myself. These basic things, that just a few years ago, were so far out of reach!

But I can't help myself. I've been going through a lot. The last few years have been tough. For me, it's been about facing demons from my past. Which is probably a shocker to many people out there. Yes, this shy, "Goody Two Shoes" woman...she has some pretty ugly things that she's had to face. Things that leave me sick to my stomach. Just thinking about them. But it's part of my history. The things that have shaped me.

Along with that, comes family issues. It's tough being the only child that my parents had together. I face more problems with my brothers and sisters, than most people face with their worst enemies. It's tough. It's hard to sit there and take all the name calling. The constant belittling. It's just tough.

The worst part is, I'm almost "forced" to have relationships with these people. People that I don't respect. I even question if I really love them. I mean, we're supposed to love our family, but do I love these people? I'm not sure. And that to me, is very sad!

In the last year, I've had to turn the other way for many things. Many family issues. I've had to listen to so many lies. To endure so much! To honestly, question every person in my family. Are they really here for the right reasons? What is their motive? I can't stand to watch what certain people are doing to our family. But I have no voice in the matter!

I guess there is just a lot going on. With my family. With old friends. People that I thought I could trust. Only to learn the hard way, that I really shouldn't have allowed them into my inner circle. Lots of circumstances surrounding certain family members. And of course, my own health. Let's also not forget about my Daddy's recent brush with death. It's all been tough.

Some days, I question everything in my life. All of it! I've recently found myself questioning things, that I never have before. Like my religion. Even my own morals and values. I guess I just need a "time out" from the "real life."

I guess the fact that our traveling is starting to pick up, well that could be a very good thing. My Guy has returned to his long hours at work. And I've been put on semi-bed rest for another week. So maybe God is just giving me a much needed "Adult Time Out." You know, to search for the much needed peace that my body, mind, and soul desperately need. ♥

Things I Cannot Change

The last 48 hours have not been kind. I'm not sure what's really going on. But I do know this much, I need to give it all up. Give all of my worries, pains, and baggage to the Lord. He will help me through all of this.

To sum it up, I was headed to go spend some time with a good friend. Take 5 minutes to just breathe, and be somewhat normal. Instead, I ended up in the ER. A complication to this situation I'm in. And now, just over 36 hours later...I'm flying east. Getting ready for yet another operation.

I'm not questioning it. I'm not holding anyone responsible. Just knowing that I want to feel better. And I want to live. I'm not sure what my future holds. But I have the faith that it will be good. Regardless of what the outcome is. In 2 hours, some of my most trusted colleagues will help me on this long road to recovery. ♥

New Bebe

Dear Baby Jellybean,

Today, is your birthday sweet girl! I just can't believe, that you are here. So perfect. And beautiful. Everything about you, is just right! A baby girl, that we've all waited for. And you are absolutely perfect!

Not long ago, in fact yesterday, your Mommy and Daddy asked your Nono and I, to be your Godparents. We were both so surprised! And excited! What a blessing, this is to us! We're so excited to be a part of your life. A special part. To help shape the woman, that you will grow into.

Baby Girl, you are already so amazing! So LOVED! With a beautiful life in front of you. We can't wait to watch you grow. And help you along the way. Today, God bless us all. You are a perfect little Angel. Sent to us, to love, nurture, and protect. We all LOVE you! Happy Birthday!

Love,
Your Nana♥

Updates on Baby C

Today Baby C turns a month old! I can't believe it's been a month! So much has happened. Good and bad. But prayers are still needed. Definitely needed! Today, Baby C is also having surgery. Why? To have her feeding tube moved. And to check her intestine. She is having a difficult time when it comes to eating, and gaining weight.

Since her birth, Baby C has lost weight. And hasn't been able to "feed" like a "normal baby." But she is staying strong. H is also doing so well. I'm so proud of her. Because they've been through so much! And she is still so incredibly strong.

Hopefully with this surgery, Baby C will start gaining weight. We all want her to grow. And in 7-10 days, they'll try bottle feeding again. Very exciting news! Because it means, Baby C is getting closer to going home. :)

Barracuda has a lot to do with H and Baby C doing so well. He is spending so much time with them. And I personally know, it's good for the 3 of them. They're becoming such a close little family. And I think it's good for them. H needs someone to love her, and to be there for her. Barracuda, he's ready to settle down. He wants a family. He wants Baby C. See, even if her biological father doesn't want to be in the picture, God has sent her a Daddy to love her. :)

So I need to get moving. I need to go say some extra prayers for Baby C. There are so many important things to do. But I honestly can't wait to see Baby C after she gets out of surgery. Knowing that the doctors have fixed some of the things that are plaguing Baby C. I really can't wait until she gets to go home with her mommy. And just to get my mind off of things, I really want to make these beautiful shoes for Baby C. I'm pretty sure that she would enjoy a new pair of shoes. ♥

A Day of Blessings

Today was such an amazing day! It was a blessing. Straight from God. My friend got to meet her little girl. For the first time! Since she was unconscious for Baby C's first few days of life. And then, they were 3 hours apart from each other. At separate hospitals.

But this morning, my friend got to be transferred to a nearby hospital. She was in stable condition. And they flew into the hospital where Baby C is. I short visit was scheduled before my friend had to go to the hospital where she will recover at. My friend and her baby girl got to meet. It was so special. And so emotional. I cried. Everyone that was there, they all cried. It was such a touching moment.

I mean, she's been waiting 9 months to meet her little one. They finally got to meet! And Baby C, you could tell that she knew her mommy. :) My friend was a little unsure of holding Baby C at first. Mostly because the entire right side of her body is bruised, broken, and not it's usually self. She didn't want to drop her little girl.

But we got her situated. And she got to hold her precious little girl. It was so emotional. We all cried! Her brother, her sister-in-law, Barracuda, My Guy, and myself. Because we knew how special this moment was. Just days before, I wasn't sure if either of them were going to survive. And here they were, staring into each others eyes. So perfect!

My friend had already asked me, a couple of days ago, for a favor. To call our priest. To make sure that he could come and baptize Baby C. We planned everything. We just needed my friend to be there. So the minute I heard she was being transferred, we called our priest back.

And he was so pleased to hear the good news. He called another priest, to do his 2nd and 3rd masses for him. And he came to the hospital. Ready to help us celebrate such a miracle.

My Guy and I had already picked up Baby C's baptism dress. We had done that earlier in the week. When we had to go get W. And pick up some of Baby C's things. Carefully we dressed Baby C. And we got to baptize her. She looked perfect! And this was such a special moment. A moment in time, that I'll never forget.

Now, we are forever bonded. More so than before. Yes, over the last week, I've become so close to this little girl. But now the bonds are deeper and stronger. Through the will of God. My friend cried. Like she told me, this week has been a blur. Nothing that she expected. But she was just happy to get to hold her little girl.

My Guy's family cooked a yummy dinner and brought it to us. A traditional Southern meal. It was perfect. And it gave us all a little bit of time to relax. And to enjoy each other's company. It's been a tough week. This was a moment that we all needed.

And before my friend had to leave, she was being taken to the hospital where she would be recovering at, we went back to see Baby C. My friend cried. She didn't want to leave. But we gave her a long visit with her daughter. Just the 2 of them. To talk. And to encourage the other to fight. This is going to be a long recovery for both of them. And they need the love and support of the other.

It was a touching day. A day that I prayed would come. Both my friend and Baby C are so special. I'm glad that they finally got to meet. And to enjoy each other. It was incredibly special. A day that I'll never forget. And a day that I will always thank God for. ♥

Still Praying

It's been another long and tough day. Both my friend and Baby C have had multiple surgeries. The one bit of comfort, that has come, is from knowing that the man that did this to them, is safely locked in jail.

It's been tough. I still haven't gotten to talk to my friend. They have her medicated to keep her asleep. She has lost so much blood! And is so beat up. The Midwife has also had multiple surgeries. It just makes you feel so small and helpless. I just want to help them all. But there is nothing that we can do.

Baby C, she is a miracle of God. She is holding strong. From her outward appearance, you would never know that anything is wrong. Well, except that she is hooked up to all these machines. And well, it just pains me. She had another surgery. And is being fed through a feeding tube in her belly. Talk about tough.

I feel like I can't leave her side. Her mommy wouldn't want her to be alone. And that's going to make the rest of my week tough. Because I have to work. Just like Barracuda and My Guy. I don't have a job that I can call into. I have to get up every single day and just go. It's hard being in a band. When there is only one of you. And only you can do the job.

But I believe in God. I know that he will make it possible. He will do what is best for my friend and her little girl. And also for the Midwife. He will do what he thinks is best for the other driver. I'm not going to judge or condemn anyone. I just want for these 3 innocent lives to be OK. I want them to be healthy and happy again. I want for my friend to be able to hold her little girl. To raise and love her. Just like she's dreamt over the last few months. ♥