The Butter to My Biscuit

"Ya that happy to see me?" My Guy asks this silly question, as he walks into my dressing room last night. That sly sideways smile of his, makes my heart skip a beat! Maybe 2!!! Don't tell him, but between that smile, and those blue eyes, I just can't help myself!!! I just melt. :)

In all truth, I had just finished that last few lines, of that book, I'd been toting around all week. I read 6 or 7 books, a week. But once in a while, I happen upon a really good book. And it's a constant battle in my head. Do I read it quickly? Too see what's going to happen. Or make it last weeks? To enjoy it longer. This was one of those books. And those last few lines, made it all worth it!

I was happy with the ending of the book. As Manders was setting my hair in rollers. We were getting ready for the show. Cole was setting out the wardrobe for the night. Thinking about the fun show, later in the evening. Truth is, I was in such a GREAT mood!

The BBs are in town. My friends. My very best friends are here. For 2 glorious weeks!!! And here I am, on the moon! So happy. Hanging out with them. And my gorgeous Goddaughters.

Because the BBs are in town, I'm working with them. And the band, is working with this guy. It really is a match made in Heaven!!! We should be working together. But yesterday, it didn't quite happen that way. I found myself running around. Promoting the next 2 weeks events, on every local radio station. And this guy, was hard at work too.

It wasn't until that moment, when he walked in, that we'd finally had time to talk. I was so happy to see him. In all reality, he wasn't the reason for that specific smile. But 99.9% of the time, he's the reason for my smiles. :)

There's just something about this man. He makes my heart skip a beat. My lips can't help themselves, they turn up in a smile. Whenever he's around, I just smile. I crave a sweet kiss, from my Southern Gentleman! I get that spark of electricity, every single time we touch. The kind, that makes me realize, that loves is real.

Years ago, I was in a relationship. One that ended badly. I realized then, what I wanted in a relationship. In those dark moments, it hit me. Like that ball, shattering the window. I knew, I couldn't live like this. I knew, this was not what I wanted, or deserved.

Just days ago, I seen that man. Completely stressed out. Screaming at his poor little boy. Who was running through our local Albertson's. Pulling everything off the shelves. This man, was screaming. Losing it. Right there. In the middle of the cereal aisle.

In that moment, I knew, I'd made the right decision. That man, had once been good with kids. He'd helped me care for my nieces. Made sure we had family meals. That the girls went to school on time. That their tuition to private school was paid. That each one, knew we loved them. He'd had the patients to help with homework. Run kids to school activities. And even volunteered, to go on field trips. Because at the same time, I was working a full time job, going to school (25 credit hours), and starting my new internship at the hospital.

These days, he was fighting, with his sweet son. They couldn't agree on what color of grapes to buy. What cereal would be best. Or what this sweet little boy's favorite juice was...

I saw him. Defeated. This man, that I'd once loved. Had seen a future with. Had been through so much with. The one that I'd allowed myself, to once dream of a future with. It hit me like a ton of bricks. In his moment of need, I could only think..."I dodged a bullet."

Feeling guilty about that thought, I turned the corner. Managed to catch that sweet boy. He remembered me. I'd met him twice before. His daddy, was staying a good distance between us. I got down to his level, "Can we pick out your snacks? You and me together? No running." He nodded yes. And grabbed my hand.

We spent the next 20 minutes, slowly going through the store. Deciding on green grapes, strawberry wafer cookies, apple juice, Fruit Loops, pretzel sticks, string cheese, carrot sticks, pizza bites, and some frozen corn. I returned him to his daddy. Who'd spent the last 20 minutes angry, sitting on a bench. Near the front of the store.

No words were exchanged. Except for that sweet boy, "Tank you. Can you help me ext time too?" It broke me heart. I told him, the next time I seen him in the store, I'd help him too. I can't imagine what is going on there...

I turned around. Headed to pick out some avocados, corn tortillas, and strawberries. My original trip to the store, was supposed to have taken 5 minutes. By the time I was walking to my car, 1 bag in my hand, it had been an hour. And I couldn't help, but feel a sense of relief.

I'm not sure if anyone will understand this. Or how I can explain it. At the time we'd broken up, when everything had just melted before my eyes, I thought that was it. He was the only man that would ever love me. Now, what would I do?

But something about last night, made me realize, God has plans for us. That relationship, made me stronger. I'd had amazing boyfriends before that. Kind, gentle, loving. Something about the demise of this relationship, had shown me, everything I'd never put up with. That I was worth so much more.

Sitting in that chair. Feeling rather unattractive. As my friend put my hair in rollers. I had no makeup on. Sat there in one of this guy's old t-shirts, and a pair of torn sweatpants, I knew God had sent me to him. To this amazing man. To love him. To be loved by him. To share my life with.



It didn't matter what I looked like. That I more than likely, had onion breath. I'd just finished a quick snack. Or that we hadn't seen each other all day. He still makes my heart skip a beat. He still makes me feel beautiful. Loved. Important. And valuable.

When we got home, early this morning, it was the little things. The way he immediately gets out the car, and comes to open the door for me. Pulls me close to him. Kisses me, like I'm all that matters. Reaches for my hand, as we head inside. It's the fact that I don't have to tell him, but he goes to the fridge. Pulls out some water, and fruit. Meets me on the couch. And spends the next 3 hours, catching up on Grey's Anatomy with me.

It's the way, he gently strokes my hair. As I'm falling asleep. The way, he enjoys holding me, when I fall asleep. Not moving, so that I can get a few hours, worth of sleep. And it's the way, he looks me straight in the eye. Holding nothing back.

All those things, that we've gone through before this. They were to prepare us, for this relationship. It allows us to fully embrace it. And appreciate it. We don't take one thing for granted. Not one kiss. One snuggle. Or one moment. We appreciate each and every moment, we have together. However big or small. This, was always God's plan. And now, we just need to help each other. Help each other grow and prosper. Become stronger people together. He really is the butter, to my biscuit. ♥

Joe...

Oh Joe! This was the relationship that really made me grow up. The one that defined how I looked at men afterward. The one I really never saw coming. The relationship that taught me how to set limits.

In December 2003, my parents went out of town. They'd left for Thanksgiving that year too. I'd spent that Thanksgiving alone. Well, with a good friend and 1 of my sisters. I made us dinner. And we just hung out. My parents were gone. With friends. They were on a trip. And failed to tell me beforehand. I found out the day before Thanksgiving. As I sat in their porch calling them.

Christmas happened the same way that year. And I was feeling bummed about Sancho. Something felt final and over between us. So I worked. My parents were gone. And I was working. Taking any gigs I could get. Freezing in the streets, as we played for different gigs. Yes, at 10PM, you'd find us playing for church events. Walking between the church and various homes. We had so many gigs! Then Joe called. He had some jobs for me. And I took them.

Well, we worked on Christmas Eve. It didn't bother me. I had no plans. And as it turned out, neither did he. So we hung out. And to my surprise, he bought me a Christmas present. Unusual. But it was a nice thought. I felt bad. I hadn't gotten him a thing. Well, besides the cookies, that I gave everyone in the band. So I invited him to dinner the next day.

I figured he'd be with family. I knew he was single. And older than me. But still, he has a big family. So I just thought he'd spend the holiday with him. No, he came over. And I cooked. We spent the holiday together. And for the next few weeks, we worked together. Spent all that time together. When we weren't working, we were hanging out. No pressure. We'd go out to dinner. Or stay in and watch movies. Listen to all kinds of music. Can you see a pattern here? To this point in my life, I'd only ever dated musicians...

Well, I moved back south and start classes in January. Because he worked on the weekends, he'd visit me during the week. And I'd visit him on the weekends. When I could. Because I was also performing during the weekends. And working at the hospital.

We dated. Became more and more serious as the months past. He showered me with gifts. And to be honest, I was uncomfortable of that. But I figured, over time, I'd get used to it. We also traveled. Went on trips together. By Summer 2004, we were serious. Working together a lot. He'd travel with me for work. And I'd travel with him. We worked all over the country. But it was a fun summer. I went to class during the week, and performed on the weekends.

The next year, was filled with fun times. We spent as much time together as we could. We worked together. Joe traveled with me. My performing career was really taking off. We spent so much time together. I was getting used to this lifestyle. We were getting used to the relationship. Spending more and more time together. Having fun. Learning more and more about each other.

My friends would all tell me how lucky I was. And I knew it. This man really loved me. He always had my back. Was doing things for me. Buying me the silliest presents. Like palm trees and paper dolls. And the most expensive. Like jewelry and clothes. We'd travel. See all sorts of new things together. And we just enjoyed each other. Enjoyed sharing dinners. Or just hanging out at home.

Then my nieces needed me. In late July 2005 our lives changed. My nieces really needed me. They needed someone to take care of them. Their mom was diagnosed with cancer. And all of a sudden, I became the sole guardian of 6 little girls. Did I mention? I also had my cousin and a friend living with me. My cousin was dealing with depression, as was my friend. Life was getting complicated!

Joe decided to move in with me. He figured that during the week, he'd help me with the girls. During the weekends, he could still travel for work. So we did that. This was the only time, that I was happy, that he had money. Serious money. Money to help support this crazy household. I had gone from living alone, to barely having a place to sleep in my own home. All of a sudden, my 3 bedroom home felt like a cramped box.

I was also working at the hospital. And at Target. I had shows to perform. Joe was working. He was running a business. During the week, he worked from my house. He's office and workspace, was also our Laundry Room. During the weekends, he was on the road. Life was ridiculously different. We had no room. But we were making it work. :)

Then Hurricane Katrina happened. One of his close friends was missing. That friend's wife and kids were stranded. So Joe went to get them. Along the way, they found his friend. He was seriously injured. And would have to stay in the south. So Joe came back. He also brought these 2 kids. Yes, add 2 more to the bunch. Oh, and Joe's niece. Who was now attending my university too!

So Joe rented the house behind mine. We put in a gate between the 2 houses. The 3 adult women, and my older 2 nieces moved in. But pretty much, they just slept there. Everyone spent time at my house. We'd eat meals together. Kids would play, homework would get done, and TV would be watched. All the little ones stayed in my house. Life was crazy. It was chaotic. Joe would make sure all the kids got to school. And the little ones, he watched. With the help of my cousin.

By November 2005, Joe's friend and wife moved. We helped them get a house, not far from mine. And they took their kids. But we still had 6 kids to take care of! And soon, I had 2 more nieces and 2 nephews that would come and go. Yes, they would spend good amounts of time with us too!

On top of this, we watched Joe's nieces and nephews on the weekends. When we could get home, we'd all go. My nieces would stay with my parents. And Joe and I would stay at his house. 95% of the time, we'd have some of his nieces and nephews. But the real thing that was bugging him, was that his niece and Sancho were dating. And they were serious!

Our relationship was changing. It was more like we were in "Survival Mode." We were parenting together. And every day was about surviving. We spent little to no time together, without the kids. It was just life. And it was busy. We were taking care of everyone. Living in too small of a space. So Joe bought a big house. We bought a big house. On a big piece of properly. More like a farm. Then I got hurt. I hurt my back really bad. And I stopped working at Target. We were in the middle of our move. I was still in school. Still in my internship. But not working. Not really performing. Just surviving.

Joe's niece and Sancho were dating. And when we moved, I let them live in my house. It was closer to the university. My friend and my cousin stayed in the rented house. So life should have calmed down. But it didn't. I was constantly worried about life. About money. About Joe. About my nieces. I never took any of Joe's money. It's a sore subject for me. But I've never felt comfortable taking money from a man. No matter if we were dating, in love, whatever. I let him pay for the girl's school. Because he wanted to do it. And he could afford it. But not much else.

But the girls also got money. Because of their mom. We used that for their food. Seriously, it wasn't a lot. And we'd put some in the bank. But Joe took care of everyone. And I was forcing myself to perform more. Bad back or not, I needed to make money.

By May 2006, we were exhausted! The girls were going to stay with my parents for the summer. And I was going to take classes and perform. I knew, in August, I was moving back home. Because my parents needed help with their growing business. My nieces' mom was doing better. But before she regained custody of the girls, she wanted me to live closer. So I could help her.

So I made all the arrangements. I took 5 big internships, up north. I talked to my professors. And I was going to be able to take all of my classes online. I was set. So when school ended for the girls and they'd gone to my parents, I tried to talk to Joe. I suggested that he should move north at the time. So we could get used to being home. In our hometown. Get ready for the next big adventure.

I was taking classes all summer. But I figured I'd spend all the weekends up north. And he could get back to normal. Have a normal life. No responsibilities. Could devote his time to his business. And in about 8 weeks, we'd be back to living together. It sounded like a good plan. But Joe wasn't on board.

That was the end! We had a horrible fight. A really nasty one. Until then, we'd really never fought. I'm serious. We'd talk things out. We didn't always agree, but we'd talk. Not this day. It got ugly. And I knew, I was done. As I turned around to leave, I was moving back to my own house, he blew it...

We were living in this big house. On a huge piece of property. A working farm. He would sell his crop. A local crop. It wasn't an animal farm. But a farm. The house was huge. The back of the house, had a huge window. The 3 story tall home, had a single huge window in the back. It looked out to the orchards.

And we had this coffee table. With a big bowl on top. That was filled with these HUGE stone balls. He picked one up and threw it. I ducked. And it shattered the glass. Luckily, we were the only ones home. And neither of us got hurt. But the window, was now in a million pieces! I'd never seen Joe mad or upset. Until that day. He'd never laid a hand on me. Never hurt me. But that, it scared the crap out of me!

I left. I didn't tell him where I was going. I just left. I ended up at a friend's house. J's. And I told him what had happened. That I'd never go back. So I stayed with J. Until I knew Joe was home. Up north. I went back to Joe's house, and I packed up all of my stuff. The girls had already moved. And I just made sure that we had all of our stuff.

A few weeks later, I called Joe's sister. Made sure Joe was gone again. And I took my stuff out of his house. The one in our hometown. I didn't take anything that he had given me. Just my stuff. Left all the expensive clothes, shoes, jewelry. Everything. I didn't want things that he had given me. I wrote him a letter and left all his keys. That was the end.

For a couple that traveled, vacationed together, even talked about marriage...it was over. Joe had already bought "The Ring." We'd talked about kids. We wanted kids together. Heck, for 9 months, we had a family. We took care of so many kids. We were a family. We had bought a home together. Now, we weren't talking.

Soon after, he and an old friend of his decided to have a baby. He wanted kids. He had always wanted kids. Joe is 15 years older than me. It had never been a problem. Until the end. Because beofre that, we'd agreed that I'd finish my BA, then get married. Wait a year or 2, then have kids. Obviously, I wasn't working fast enough.

In the end, I think we were in different places in our lives. He was ready to settle down and have a family. I was still consumed in school and a career. Also, the stresses of taking care of his family and mine, it didn't lead to a good place. About a year after our horrible fight, Joe welcomed a son into the world.

We hadn't talked. Literally, that fight was the end for me. He'd call. I didn't want to talk. He'd text me. He'd show up at my house. I never opened the door. I just wasn't ready to talk. I didn't care how sorry he was. I refused to be in a relationship like that. I knew he was upset. About the way things ended. But I couldn't deal with it.

When his son was about 6 months old, he called me. It was the only time we've talked, since our breakup. He was stressed out. He had an infant son. A son that he had wanted. One that he had planned. His friend would have his baby, then give Joe the baby. All the responsibilities. He's be the only parent. At that point, Joe was overwhelmed. He was sorry for what he did. I wanted us to be together again. He wanted a family. He needed help with his son.

I couldn't do it. Joe is the only man, that I've ever dated, that I have not remained friends with. We don't talk. I occasionally will see him. While I'm performing. Or something like that. But we don't talk. His family, they never got an explanation from me. And I felt bad about that. I did get to talk to his mom and sister. His niece and I are friends. And occasionally, the 4 of us will meet for lunch.

But this was the relationship that changed a lot for me. I grew up so much. We dated for almost 2 1/2 years. We had made so many plans. Literally, in the last few months of our relationship, we'd begun planning our wedding. I figured, I'd take the easier option of my major. I'd have about 18 months left of school. Then we'd get married.

We had talked things out. I'd stay home. I'd be that housewife and stay at home mommy. He worked from home anyway. During the week. And on the weekends, he'd continue to perform. I'd occasionally do shows. We'd have 3 or 4 kids. We had it all planned out.

But the one thing, that never mattered to us, age, became the thing that was too big to ignore. We had bottled up all of our emotions. For months. Because we had been "surviving." And when they finally had all come flying out, it was horrible. On that horrible day, there was no turning back. And honestly, I would not change a thing that happened. It made me grow. Grow into a better person.

I'm now a stronger woman. Someone that knows exactly how much I'm really willing to sacrifice for love. I know that I'll never lose myself in a relationship again. I'd never allow violence to be in my life. And I'd never in my lifetime, be that scared again. ♥

Sancho

Sancho was my "College Sweetheart." The one that I never saw coming. At all! Because we were so different. He was the guy that all the girls were in love with. I'm not lying. Little girls, college co-eds, old ladies...they all loved him! I remember more than once, women throwing their bras at him. While we were performing!

We met when I was a freshman in college. He was incredibly polite. You could tell that his momma had raised him right. He always made it a point to talk to me. We'd see each other in rehearsals and around campus. But we never really talked. It was more like a friendly "Hi" when we'd see each other. But no hanging out. No real conversations. He invited me to his house a few times. To "Jam Sessions." I just never went.

Until the late Spring of 2003. I don't really know how it happened. Or when I let my guard down. But I did. And we started hanging out more and more. We'd go to his house and watch movies. He'd play the guitar. We'd sing together. Just hang out. Like typical musicians.

And I'd cook for us at my house. Just hanging out. Casually dating. Not telling anyone though. As you will see in later weeks, this has become a pattern with me. Keeping my relationships on the "DL." But for this relationship, at the time, it was the best decision for us.

We spent the entire summer hanging out. I'd go watch him "gig" and he'd go watch me. Pretty much every day, we'd have dinner together. While I went to class, he worked. And evenings and nights were spent just hanging out.

When classes started up again, it became a bit more complicated. We'd flirt in front of people. More like he'd flirt, I'd blush. But no one knew the truth. OK, so one of our professors/friends sorta figured it out. It was pretty obvious. If you were paying attention...

Beyond our professor, Sancho told one friend. And I told one friend. And it stayed like that. At school, we'd casually talk. Just like friends. But we'd spend every evening together. Well, when my rehearsals, and our classes permitted. We'd catch Saturday breakfasts together. It seemed to be a good day to just hangout. And it was something we'd both look forward to. :)

Yes, we worked in close quarters. But we tried to keep things under wraps. Why? I'm not sure. It seemed like a good idea. At least, at the time. We went to conferences together. And performances. But we kept our distance.

The only slip ups we ever had, were actually hilarious! It always seemed like when I was late, he was late. I'd be running in the back down. Completely flustered. And he'd be casually walking through the front door. Not a care in the world. That was us. We'd get that look. Like "What's Going On?" He'd throw a devilish smile. Shrug his shoulders. And pull his hat a little lower. I'd try to explain why I was late. I doubt anyone ever believed us. Which was funny. Because it was true.

Another time, I was seriously late. Like 45 minutes. I came running in, and it was so hot inside! Probably because I had just run 3 miles. And worked out for 2 hours. I was also dressed in 2 layers of clothes. Because it was wintertime. I had on a tank top and shorts on. And to get from the gym to school, I put on a jogging suit. When I got inside, I swear the heater was on full blast. It was at least 80 degrees inside.

I contemplated what to do. I couldn't concentrate on our class. But I knew if I took off my pants, I'd get some crazy looks. Never mind that it was so hot. And that I had on shorts underneath. So I stood there. Just trying to get through my class. After an hour, I couldn't deal. And I took off my jacket...

Sancho, he fell down. Literally! And all I heard was "Woah!" And that too familiar whistle. I wanted to crack up. To at least turn around and see if he was OK. But I didn't. I couldn't. I'd give everything up. Later, we laughed about this. Because it was funny. And I'm pretty sure, by this time more people were figuring out our dating situation.

And me, I'm sure I sucked at keeping things on the "DL." Because he'd get me all flustered. I couldn't sing or play in front of him. Forget forming sentences. More than once, I lost my train of thought, mid conversation! People would ask me what was going on. I'd just shrug and say I had no clue. But the reality was, he made me nervous!

Sancho and I got more serious after I had a serious accident. I had totalled out my car. And honestly, I was lucky to have walked away. It happened on the highway. And I was at least 16 hours late getting home. Because I was scared to drive. But my Dad put me in his truck, and sent me off. It took me almost 6 hours, to make a 3 hour drive.

When I got home that night, Sancho was waiting for me. I could barely move. I was so sore. Everything hurt. I was an emotional wreck. He was there for me. Later that week, my auntie past away. Again he was there for me. That entire week, he would stay with me. Whenever we weren't in school, he was with me. He'd take me to school and rehearsals. And in the evenings/nights he would stay with me. Make sure I was OK. Make sure I was eating. And he'd let me cry.

We were really close. And it was nice, to finally be in a decent and serious relationship. We spent as much time as we could together. Even to the point were he'd bring me lunch on Wednesdays. When I didn't have a break between classes. So we'd have a quick, 10 minute lunch under the trees. It was everything that a "college relationship" should be. Fun, easy, and full of life.

As quickly and unexpectedly as it started, it ended. I'm thinking, at some point, the secrecy of our relationship, killed our relationship. We had a big performance before our Christmas break. And like usual, we stayed separate from one another. Afterward, we did go out. With his friends. Friends away from school. And it felt so good. Like things were finally falling into place. Like it was right. Like maybe, this was going to last.

But in the morning, after everything was behind us, and we were back to school...we were back to staying apart. It was tough. I knew we both wanted to just be happy. And not worry about what other people thought. But his job, sorta depended and flourished, because he was single. Not so good when we were dating...

Well, we finished the semester. And we actually spent a few days in town. Dating. Being "normal." Because no one else was in town. And really enjoying it. We wanted for this to work. Because we made each other better. He encouraged me to be more outgoing, like him. To enjoy life. And I kinda mellowed him out. Made him a bit more responsible. And taught him a lot about life too. We were just compliments to each other. Were one of us lacked, the other made up.

It was nice to be with someone who shared my same values and morals. We could have a good time. Laugh at ourselves. Jam to our music. Just have a good time. But the break from school, lead to the breakup. Although we drove together to my hometown, but in our own cars, that was the last we seen of each other. For our Christmas break. He went his way, and I went mine.

Life got busy. I went to work. And he went to work. Performing in different groups. Living in different cities. Living our separate lives. As easily as we started dating, 7 months later, we just stopped dating. No reasons. No real explanations. No official "Break Up Talk."

We're still friends. Good friends. Between December 2003 and July 2006, we didn't talk much. Mostly our conversations were about gigs or friends. Never just the 2 of us. We'd see each other at school, and we'd say Hi. But that wasn't often. But in 2006, when I moved back up north, I lived with Sancho. He was such a good friend.

We lived together for 9 months or so. It was right when "The Big C" roared it's ugly head. He was so good and supportive. Making sure I got to doctor's appointments. Helping me to work. Yes, more than once, he'd drive me the hour to work. Because of snow, it was more like 2 hours. And he'd drive me. He took care of me when I was sick. I'm pretty sure we watched every episode of Gilmore Girls, Sex in the City, Friends, etc. We'd watch all my favorite shows and movies. I'd cook for him. We just made it work. And I think, had I stayed longer, or hadn't been sick, we would have dated again.

But life had other plans for me. And in May 2007, I moved home. After a long internship, battling health issues, and helping my parents with their business. Sancho and I are still really close. We talk at least once a week. We still perform gigs together. To me, it's important to keep him as a good friend. We've been through a lot. Both good and bad. He's been an amazing friend to me. And I would never want to lose a dear friend like him. ♥

Enzo

Here we go. Boyfriend #1...

Enzo and I grew up together. He was 2 1/2 when I was born. His mom had known my mom for years. My older brother and sister and around the same ages as his older brothers. And his aunt and uncle, they happen to be my parents' best friends. So it was just a matter of time.

When I was born, Enzo and his mom came to visit me. On the day I was born. He brought me my first teddy bear. And from then on out, we were best friends. Yes, we did everything together. From the stories we hear, Enzo always took good care of me. When I was a baby, he would share his toys and food with me. So cute!

As we got older, we still did things together. But it also involved a lot of other people. Like when he was in T-ball, and later baseball, my parents used to sponsor his team. Along with his brothers and cousins. So we spent a lot of time at the Little League fields. Me with my dolls. Him playing. Oh, and he always managed to talk his uncle, into buying me a snack. And putting up an umbrella for me. :)

My parents got married when I was 5 years old. I was really closer to being 6. And I was the flower girl. Enzo was the ring bearer. We looked adorable together. We were well behaved during the ceremony. And posed for all the pictures. We actually had a lot of fun. Including the get-t0gether at his aunt and uncles' house...post ceremony...pre reception.

At the reception, after dinner, lots of dancing, and while we were having our cake...Enzo popped the question. His parents still have the VHS. The real proof! In our eyes, getting married seemed like a lot of fun. We could dress up, have a big party, have lots of food, get tons of presents, dance, play, and have as much cake as we wanted! The thought process of a then 5 year old girl and a 8 year old boy. :)

We stayed very close over the years. We spent 80% of our free time together. Mostly because of my parents and his aunt and uncle. Friday nights were bowling nights. The adults in our lives were in a bowling league together. And the 2 of us would just hang out. We'd eat. Play. Just be kids. The rest of the time, we were hanging out at my house or his aunt and uncle's house.

Another thing we did a lot, was go to his grandparents' Ranch. It was a HUGE treat to go. And we always had a great time. Enzo was usually practicing his roping or bull riding. And I would help his grandma cook and bake. We LOVED it!

Well, when I was 12 or so, feelings started to change. By this time, we were both musicians, playing and singing in the same group. We spent a lot of time together. And well, we were young. Every time someone got married, we stood up in the wedding together. If either of us had an event to go to, the other would go with. And before we knew it, we were dating.

Yes, Enzo did ask my Dad before our first date. But I think my Dad just thought we were going out for pizza with the rest of our friends. Or something like that. By the time my Dad caught on, we were dating.

We were hilarious. Enzo taught me how to drive. How to ride a horse. And how to enjoy life. He showed me what a real, honest, and good man was. And most importantly, how I should be treated. Our parents didn't always like the fact that we were dating. But for the most part, they were OK with it. I think they figured that they knew both of us, and could trust us.

My Dad and I hit a rough patch. And when I was 14, I moved in with Enzo's family. The rules were strict. As was to be expected. I was 14...he was 17. And his mom is so "old school" that it ain't funny! We had our own bedrooms. There were about 4 rooms between us. Under no circumstance, even if the house was burning, were we to enter each other's room. Or leave our room in our pjs. It was strict. But we were more than OK with it. Oh, and we each had our own bathroom. No need for unwanted trouble there...

Not many people knew that I lived there. Probably just our parents, his brothers, and his aunt and uncle. But we made it work. His mom would take me to school on her way to work. And Enzo or his dad would pick me up from a variety of different activities I was in. And as a freshman, that increased! I probably lived there for 6 months or so. I don't know. There was a summer in the middle of the whole thing. But we made it work.

I moved back home after tragedy hit. Enzo's older brother (the middle brother) was killed. It was sudden. And really unexpected. It was an accident. And the entire family was greatly affected. After the services, and all had quieted down, I moved home. And Enzo tried to enjoy his Senior year of high school.

We went to different schools. And were 3 years apart. That in and of itself, was more than what most teen couples deal with. But now, Enzo was grieving for his brother. And I tried to be there for him. His brother was so pumped that his "little bro" was a Senior. And he wanted him to enjoy every aspect of his Senior year. So when he died in early September, well it didn't give a sunny look to the year.

Remember I said that Enzo's mom was "old school?" I mean she is really "old school." And after S died, she went into mourning. For an entire year, there was to be no celebrating, no going out, no fun, nothing enjoyable, nothing exciting. And Enzo was pulled in about 20 different directions. This was his Senior year. And he knew his brother wanted him to enjoy it. So he went to his older brother and cousins...

Well, we ended up going to his Senior Homecoming together. It was just weeks later. But when his cousin gave him an envelope that they had found, we had to go. S was an amazing man! He enjoyed life. And thought you should live every single second to it's fullest. S had saved money. And put it away for Enzo. $200 for each of the 3 dances that he would have that year. $300 for his Senior Rodeo event. And $500 to go on his Senior trip. $600 for his graduation party. With a letter that would make anyone cry.

I always thought it was so weird that he had all of this saved for his little brother. And the letter. Almost like he just knew. Like he knew that this accident would happen. But it made Enzo realize that he still needed to live. And now, more than ever. Because he had to live for both he and his brother.

We went to Homecoming. Enzo bought me a dress, shoes, the whole works. And we went out to a nice dinner. Had fun. It was the first time I had seen him smile since his brother had past away. And we went with all of our friends afterward, to the Family Ranch. We sat there, watching the sunrise. Enjoying the moment. And later, having a breakfast, that his grandma had made.

2 days later, he had moved in with his cousin. And he wouldn't say a word. But I found out, his mom and him had a pretty bad fight. And in the end, she told him either he was going to mourn and be sad, or he was going to move. And he moved. It was hard on him. His family had been so close. But he moved.

And the 2 of us still dated. I could tell how much he missed his brother. And his mom. Because his dad and him still talked. They would meet for dinner or breakfast a couple of times a week. And Enzo was just trying to get through his Senior year. The best way he could. But he was hurting.

Shortly after his Winter Ball, I could just tell he was miserable. He was going to Harvard the following Fall. Something that I may or may not have had a hand in. ;) And I think he just knew that he would probably not talk to his mom before that. No matter how many times he tried to talk to her, she wouldn't talk to him. And it pained me. It really broke my heart. Because he was miserable. It was like he had lost 2 people in his life.

On Valentine's Day, he planned a big night out for us. Just the 2 of us. His cousin was out of town with his wife. My parents were out of town. And the 2 of us were just going to enjoy Valentine's Day. His tia helped him to make a beautiful and delicious dinner. We got all dressed up. And well...I just couldn't do it. I knew he was miserable deep down inside. Part of him was missing. The sparkle was gone from his eyes. He wasn't the same man I had fallen in love with. He needed to fix things.

Yes folks, on Valentine's Day, we broke up. It was mutual. I knew I had to let him go. That would be the only way him and his mom would talk before he left for college. And he needed that. He needed to know that they were OK before he moved across the country. I was devasted. Enzo was crushed. I was 15...he was 18.

For the next few months, we barely talked. I would go to his games. I still wore his Letterman's Jacket. But we hardly spent time together. I knew he had started speaking to his mom. But he hadn't moved back. Then one night, he came to see me. He wanted me to go with him to his Senior Prom. And I said yes. Because I still loved him. So much. And I wanted him to be OK. To be honest, I really missed him too.

We went. And we had a great time! We danced all night. Had so much fun. It was like "old times." All of us even headed to the Ranch afterward. As the sun was rising, the 2 of us sat on the mountain, in our Prom gear, just taking in the view. It was magical. And deep down inside, I knew that was probably the last time I'd ever be in his arms again. The last time I'd listen to his strong and steady heartbeat. The last time I'd feel his breath on my neck. The last time I'd feel that safe.

A week later, he moved in with his parents. 4 days later, he had graduated. And 3 days after that, we were at his graduation party. The following day, he was moving. And starting college in the summer. I was devastated! I didn't know which way was up. I was 15...he was 18. We didn't have much say in our lives. I was still a kid. Even if I felt like a grown up. I was only 15.

He asked me to marry him. With a big diamond ring. He wanted to be with me forever. And I didn't know what to say. I was too young. My Dad would never go for it. And we both knew it. We didn't know what to say to one another. And Enzo moved. His mom was sad. His parents now had an "empty nest." And she would call me all the time. She wanted to know how he was. I knew about as much as she did...I had no clue!

This was my first year as a Varsity Cheerleader. And I used that as a good excuse. To stay busy. Because when I wasn't busy, I thought of him. The man that I loved. He was truly a man. And the most caring man that I knew. I missed him every second of the day. Because he wasn't just my ex-boyfriend, he was my oldest and very best friend in the world. My "breastest friend ever!"

At the end of that summer, we started to talk. And talk a lot! No one else knew. But we probably talked 3-4 times a day. And then, we decided that we'd try a long distance relationship. No lie! When he came home for the holidays, no one was the wiser. The 2 of us, were out on dates. Yes, we would have to drive an hour north, so we didn't get caught, but we didn't care. :)

But it didn't last. And from my Sophomore year to my Senior year, we dated off and on. He was busy in school. I was busy in school. We lived on opposite sides of the country. My Senior year was filled with trips, cheerleading, and college applications. That was his first year in med school.

When I got accepted to Harvard, he was more excited than I was. Because were he could afford it, I couldn't. His family has some serious cash. And he is heir to it all. That's the way his grandparents wanted it. Me? I had a full tuition and fees scholarship. But oh ya, there was still room and board, books, and living expenses. Oh, and my parents didn't want me leaving the state. Enzo, he was willing to support me. He had the money. But I just wasn't sure. And I definitely didn't need to start WWIII with my parents...

So I stayed. But I went to the furthest university I could. 3 hours away. And I bought a home. Yes, I bought a house when I was 18 years old! Dear Enzo, he had a gorgeous home too! And the 2 of us, once again, started a great romance. Thousands of miles couldn't separate us! I do think that 9/11 had something to do with us wanting to be together. It was like we were being sent this message. That something this special, was worth fighting for.

It was tough to say the least. But we tried. We talked on the phone a lot. Anytime Enzo had time off, he'd come and see me. And when we went home for the holidays, we just played like we hadn't seen or talked in months. It was a bit crazy. But it worked. Well, for a while.

One day, someone found out. I don't know who. But in no time, my Dad and his mom also knew. And that's when the fire started. For some reason, they didn't like us dating. But when we were dating, all they wanted was for us to be apart. And when we were apart, they wanted us to date each other. It was weird. And so complicated.

Well, we eventually broke up. Because it became too much. And he was in med school. I was dealing with very sick family members. And we just couldn't make it work. In the end, we loved each other more than life itself. Once, we even walked into "The Little White Chapel." And we were going to get married. Last minute, we walked out. That's how close it got. As adults, he gave me 3 engagement rings. But we just couldn't change our parents. And for us, that was the nail in the coffin. Because they mean too much to us.

Years later, his grandma died. And in her Will, she left everything to me and Enzo. The family still had hopes that we'd make it work. We were supposed to be the couple that took over for his grandparents. We were the "meant-to-bes." "We" just never really happened.

But now, we are the best of friends. We want nothing but the best for each other. And since we both live in the eastern part of the US now, we get to see a lot of each other. Enzo and My Guy happen to be great friends now too. They go on hunting trips together. And when I needed an internship out here, Enzo was the guy I turned to. Yes he was! And when the Big C happened, it was Enzo that totally stepped up to the plate. That was before I met My Guy.

Enzo took leave from his job to come take care of me. And he still takes care of me. Making sure that I'm OK. And doing 90% of my medical stuff himself. Yes, he is an amazing friend. And an incredible man. In the end, we weren't right for each other. We weren't the "perfect couple." But we were meant to be best friends for life. ♥

Past Relationships

I'm always being asked about my past relationships. How I met the men I've dated. What happened? And how did I get to this point in my romantic life? So here goes nothing! For the next few weeks, on Mondays, I'm going to post about my past relationships. I'm going to do it in order of my dating experience. I hope this goes OK. But you wanted to know. So I'm going to share. See you tomorrow! ♥