The Truth...

The last few weeks have been challenging. Who am I kidding??? The last few months have. I've kept it pretty quiet. But in June, I suffered 2 concussions, in just a few days. It really did a number on me. By the end of July, I was still in a lot of pain. Having constant migraines. Being forced to take a temporary leave, from the hospital. Honestly, I really couldn't function.

A lot of this, has to do with my past. I was a cheerleader for 5 years. Competitive cheerleader. With a coach, that we nicknamed "Hitler." If you knew her, you'd know why. In my senior year, I was hurt. I suffered 10 concussions, in just 1 week. Everyone around me, could see that I was barely functioning. I'm almost positive, during that week, I spent more time in the nurse's office...than I did in my classes. :( But I tried to stay positive. Tried to hide my pain. My constant dizziness. And my constant nausea.

I'd convinced my parents, that I was OK. But also, begged my Dad to drive me to school. That entire week. And when it was time to head home, go to a game, or whatever other school activity I had...I'd ask a friend. Which was completely, out of the ordinary for me. By that Friday, I really was barely going.

I remember there being a school assembly. And just praying, that I'd make it through that hour. That included a dance performance, a cheer performance, and the other craziness that we were supposed to be doing. Sometime during our cheer performance, "That Girl," landed square on my head. And somehow, in that instance, I knew something was different.

I barely made it through that hour. In so much pain. Struggling to stand. The minute the gym cleared, my Dad was trying to figure out if I was OK. Other parents were arguing with my coach. By that night, I was on doctor's orders. No more cheering. Until I had healed. At least a 6 week period.

I remember the doctor, scolding my Dad. Who happened to be the one, that took me to the doctor. He explained how serious this was. How many concussions I'd had in just 1 week. And what my future would hold, if I didn't stop all of this. I was out for 6 weeks. No "ifs," "ands," or "buts" about it!

BUT, we were heading to Nationals. In just a few weeks. What was a girl to do? Oh, my coach was not pleased!!! Not at all. I couldn't dance, in her dance class. I couldn't workout, practice, or do anything at games. Pretty much, if it was something that challenged me physically, I couldn't do it. If it was too loud, I was to remove myself. If it was too chaotic, I was to be no part of it.

But it was Nationals. My coach was beyond angry. The trip was paid for. And it was my senior year. After about 10 days, I talked to my parents. If I continued to be benched, not be involved in anyway, in stunts, and just took it easy...they'd let me go.

This is the point, that most people would think, we're all crazy!!! We were. But I was determined. I became the official "Sign and Banner" girl, during our performance. Which included me doing 2 jumps, dancing, and a lot of "Crowd Involvement."

That trip was a bit miserable. We left in the wee hours of December 26. My uncle, had past away, the night before. But we were headed to Dallas. On a plane with a "broken wing." We didn't get far. Not just because of our plane, but because of the "unusual blizzard." Eventually, we made it to Dallas.

It got worse. There was lots of fighting. Freezing temps, blizzard conditions, our coach was so sick. It was just miserable. Our performance went OK. Nothing to write home about. And then, we were expected to spend 2 days at Six Flags. In the snow!!! Um, I couldn't even ride the rides. I was miserable.

As you can tell, I didn't take good care of myself. For that, I suffer today. I've had a handful of concussions in the last 10 years. Each one, is much more debilitating to me. I find myself suffering from migraines. Unable to do much. Out for much longer periods of time.

So when My Guy suffered a concussion in late August, I knew immediately. Partly due to my "Day Job." Partly due to my past. I was surprised, when the doctor "cleared" him. And just told him to take it easy.

Then, just a few weeks ago, he suffered another. The impact, was much harder. In all, he had 3 concussions, in just 6 weeks. And suddenly, our world came "Screeching to a Halt." This man wasn't going to be able to work. At least for 2 weeks. Maybe longer. We weren't sure.

This time, he was to not watch TV, play video games, or get on the computer. He had to stay away from too much action, noise, and busy-ness in general. Essentially, we were to make him rest. Monitor his headaches, and other symptoms.

Normally, it wouldn't be too bad. OK, yes it would. He's still a man, after all. One that doesn't like to appear weak. But after making him go to the doctor, being diagnosed, and realizing the seriousness of the situation...he knew he had to stop. Just as I had done, a few months ago.

Oh, but this time around, we had nearly 100 people in town. Just for 2 events. Besides the people that had paid to attend these events. 100 personal guests. Our friends understood. As did family. And this guy's co-workers. Did it make it any easier? Not really...

The two of us, found other ways to entertain ourselves. Lots of talking. Tons of napping. And just enjoying life in the "Slow Lane." Something we don't do. Not ever!!! Days would pass. He'd feel better. Insisting, that he could go back to work. But really, he couldn't. He couldn't even drive a car. Hello!?!?!?

Until today. Just now. After 2 days of doctors' appointments, tests, and "real life" situations. He's been officially cleared. And life, is apparently, back to normal. :) My Love, is healed!!!

The first week, was tough. But we learned so much about one another. The second week, was a bit more relaxing. We slept a lot. A LOT!!! The beginning of this week, we were just flat out anxious. Again, some of our best friends, were in town. To finally get some of those postponed events done.

It's been a challenge. Especially, if you knew the second part of this. My Dad hasn't been doing well either. Just before this round of concussions, I'd been home. To help my parents. My Dad is just struggling right now. I really do wish, that I could have spent more time with them. Just being there to help out. But I'm just glad, that I got to be there, for the short time, that I was. Helping were I could.

As you can tell, it's been a very chaotic, and hectic time. I've turned to God, more times, than I can possibly count. I'm grateful to God, that he is with us, when we need him most. Comforting us. Giving us strength.

With our news, just a little while ago, the chaos starts again. At least, until Thanksgiving. :) I need to run to the store, get packing, and wrap my head around all of this. It's just been such a tough time. And I pray, that the remainder of our year, has a little less "action." ♥

Counting Our Blessings

This has been such a busy weekend. Good and bad. We've enjoyed lots of "Q-Time" with our friends. But then there was some tragedy near us. We're all praying for the family. And the families of the Empire State Building shooting. Wow! It's just been so up and down lately.

It makes what this man does for a living, seem a little...well "unimportant" this morning. His words, not mine. When you see the "Real World" crashing down around you, sometimes it just makes you think. But we're trying to get our heads on straight.

This guy has to work tonight. Not tomorrow. Like during a "usual week." It kind of throws off our schedule. But that means we have tomorrow off. And what are we going to do? Have a "Date Day," in Tennessee. Should be fun!

Until then, this guy is clowning around. We're watching Baby C this morning. As her momma, isn't feeling well. And well, this Nono is having a blast! Singing this song to her...



And she just thinks it's that best thing ever! I've got to admit, it's fun to watch him sing and dance around. With not a care in the world! Because tonight, he will be very serious, at work. And I'll probably be having a blast with Baby C. Maybe we might get a little nap in too!

But more than anything, today is about counting our blessings. With all these tragedies that are happening, and knowing that my own grandma is experiencing some health issues, we must count our blessings. Our family could really use your prayers right now.

God is GREAT! We just need to believe in him. And remember he is here, to help us carry our hardships. Happy Saturday! ♥

What a Good Day!!!

Today was one of those days, that I'm just grateful for. You see, we travel at least 40 weeks a year, for this man's job. Honestly, at times, it's a bit overwhelming.

The weeks usually go like this. Monday we wake up exhausted. It's our ONLY day off. And we usually stay in bed 'til noon. I'm not going to lie, sometimes later. Then we laze about the house. I make a HUGE meal. And we catch up on our favorite TV shows, and movies. Tuesdays we are back to work. I leave the house at 3AM for work. At the hospital. This guy heads into work, around 8AM. We're lucky, to both get home before 10PM. Lucky! Wednesday is usually a repeat. I also have to cram in study time, family time, and a little work (that pays MY bills).

Thursdays are ALWAYS a whirlwind. I leave at the same maddening hour! I get off at noon, sometimes 2PM. Rush home. Quickly pack our bags. And we're leaving on an airplane before dinner time. This is usually the ONLY day, that we eat out. If not, we wouldn't eat!

Fridays usually leave this guy working. Say 7AM to 6PM. Give or take, depending on what he's doing. Saturdays, he works 7AM to 4PM. And Sundays, he's working 7AM to 5PM. Give or take. Some weeks are different. But most are like this.

And on the weekends, I tend to get most of my studying done. Most. I write papers, do research, all that good stuff! And I hangout with this gal. Who also happens to be My Bestie. And get lots of "Q-time" with Baby C!!!

But rarely if ever, do we leave "where our guys work." You see, we stay in some pretty fancy "Homes on Wheels." Also known as "Motor Homes." And we stay in them, all weekend. Hanging out. Cooking. Napping. Things like that.

This week, I was dying to do something fun. Something out of our "Comfort Zone." I wanted to go hiking. And hiking we went!!! I also convinced some other friends of ours to go. We called in lots of sitters, for the kiddos. Let the guys know, they were on their own for meals. All day long! And we headed out.

It was magical!!! The mountains were AMAZING!!! The fresh air, felt so good. And the workout, left my body craving more. We also got to have lots of "Girl Time." With friends, that we don't usually spend this much time with. We laughed. Ate. And just had a good time.

It was something we don't do often. Something I truly wish, we'd do more often. Because, we all do so much for our men. And rarely take the time to "Recharge Our Own Batteries." Today was definitely that kind of day.

And when we got back, our men had cooked us dinner. Got the kiddos cleaned up, and in their PJs. Oh, and our "Homes on Wheels," were still in one piece. Yes, I don't think we could have asked for much more.

Our friends left about 30 minutes ago. I've taken a steaming hot shower. And just sat down. Waiting for this guy, to finish up my little treat...



Yes, that would be an "Orange Soda Float." A new LOVE of mine! Perhaps I can also convince him to give me a massage. And maybe watch some sappy movie. Because this man's girlfriend, is in a pretty good mood tonight. And is hoping for an early night. Yes, our Friday was pretty wonderful! How was yours? ♥

Decisions...

This has been the roughest Summer, I've had in a long while! I know I put on a brave face. I smile at everything. Tell people everything is roses. But it's been tough! So much so, I debated not taking classes this semester. I'm just worn out. Between my health, trying to help my parents, and our constant traveling...I'm barely above water.

To be honest, I really didn't want to go back to school either. I'm just "Burnt the Heck Out!" And tired. Exhausted! Yes, it's exhaustion at this point.

I started doing all the paperwork, to take a semester off. Yes, at this point of my program, I have to ask for permission, to take time off. Had the envelopes addressed. All that stuff. Then on my way to the Post Office, I made a quick stop. And I found these...



Yes! And so much more! And it got me thinking about school again. How I can suck it up. I can do this. I have just enough money, to cover my down payments, books, supplies, insurance for my internships, and all that good stuff.

I decided to do this again. I figure, if it's too much, I have until the end of September to withdraw. If my health doesn't get better. If my parents need me. If I'm spread too thin. I've got around 6 weeks, to make this decision.

And for me, maybe it was the school supplies that encouraged me. Maybe it's what I needed. Just that little push. You know, to get me motivated again. Because honestly, this "defeat," is not part of my character. I'm just praying for another good semester. Because sometimes, being a "Grown Up," is really hard work. ♥

Roasted Walnut & Pear Salad

I don't even know where to begin. Life has been so crazy! And I'm just ready, to stop. But the month of June, is just nuts for me! The "Bridal Tea" that was planned earlier this week, was moved. And the Baptismo, this weekend, was changed. I'm still feeling a total sense of loss. And very unmotivated.

But I must power through. I know. It's hard to move forward. Especially this soon after, a great loss. But I'm moving. And I'm trying to get plans together, for Dawn's party. Tomorrow. Everything I had previously planned, went out the window Monday. Sorry Dawn!

Instead, I've decided on an afternoon get together. Just us gals still. But days later. With much simpler food. To compensate, we're going to have a "jewelry making" afternoon. This guy, just amazes me! He bought us tons and tons of stuff, from Tori Spellings new line. :)

And I've been putting together lots of easy, but tasty recipes. Essentially, I'm going to have about 2 hours, to get it together. :) This week's Gooseberry Patch Recipe of the Week, just seems so perfect! Light, easy, and tasty.



Roasted Walnut & Pear Salad

1 head romaine lettuce, torn
2 c. pears, thinly sliced
2 Roma tomatoes, chopped
1 c. walnuts
2 T. butter
1/4 c. brown sugar, packed
4-oz. pkg. crumbled blue cheese
8-oz. bottle raspberry white wine vinegar salad dressing

Place lettuce in a large serving bowl; lay pears on top and add tomatoes. In a medium skillet, roast walnuts in butter until golden; add brown sugar and stir over low heat until walnuts are hardened with glaze. Add walnuts to salads, sprinkle on blue cheese and toss with vinegar dressing. Makes 6 to 8 servings.



Doesn't this sound AMAZING? Honestly, I'm looking forward to hanging out with my gal pals. I NEED to just relax. And enjoy life a little. Today was such a tough one. I can't even describe to you, the crazy amount of emotions, that were going on. Saying goodbye to my SIL, was like saying goodbye to my sister. ♥

Makeup for a Cause

Not long ago, I found this company on twitter. Actually, they found me. But as I started reading about the company, I was really impressed! Makeup for a worthy cause.



Do you ever find yourself buying makeup, and wondering about making a difference? A few years ago, my eyes were opened up. As I moved closer to the border, I realized just how much violence is in the world. As I entered the medical profession, it became even clearer.

A few years ago, MAC started a controversy with one of their "Limited Edition" lines. They made a donation to the cause. But it wasn't anything like Radiant Cosmetics. Who really are using their company, to make a difference in the world. And in women's lives.



The mission of Radiant Cosmetics, is to make people aware of Human Trafficking. And all the violence that comes along with it. Every Radiant Cosmetics purchase, helps to support this cause. And helps in the fight against Human Trafficking.



This company really touched me. It really hit home for me. I've already purchased some items from Radiant Cosmetics. Not only are they supporting a GREAT cause. But their makeup is pretty amazing too! Give Radiant Cosmetics a try. You'll be helping out women, who don't have a voice. And who NEED our help! ♥

I've Learned...

One of the things that I've come to realize, about living in the South is...ice tea is like water. Everyone drinks it. Everyone expects it. And everyone has their own twist on it. Around these parts, Sweet Tea is KING! For the love of God, you better have a fresh pitcher, in your fridge at all times!

Me? I'm a little partial to the Sun Tea myself. No sweetener. Just a few slices of lemon. Of course, it should be in a good 'ol Mason Jar. With tons of ice...and a straw. But that's how I like it.

And with your tea, should come, "long sits on your porch." Taking in the beauty of the South. Catching up with loved ones. Reading a good book. Writing in your journal. Or doing a little craft. We're lucky. We've got a "Wrap Around Porch." Goes all the way around our home. In the front, we've got 6 beautiful rockers. On the side, a fun swing. In the back, the most comfy furniture you can imagine!



And today, I've been feeling a little down. My Love, is out working. In Georgia. He asked me to go with him, but we still had guests. And I haven't been feeling 100%. My friends, well I just said my goodbyes. As they make their way home. They will be missed!

So I took to our porch. Ice tea, good book, and fur babies in tow. We've tried to relax, and enjoy ourselves. But something is eating at me. Making this a tough day. A little praying has helped to calm me a bit...

But I'm positive, I need to go tackle a project. A cleaning project. I'm thinking the kitchen could use another good scrub. And I still have a few cabinets to weed through. Am I the only person, that deals with stress like this? I have to clean and organize something. And minimizing our things, always puts me at ease. ♥

A Lesson Learned in Life...

This week, we're in a beautiful place. The hills of the "Big Bend State." Oh yes, it's beautiful! We spent lots of time, just enjoying the area. Amazing vintage shopping! My Bestie and I, took a long stroll, with Baby C. Just enjoying the beauty, of this space. This my friends, is one of my favorite places to visit!

But now, it's work time, for My Guy. And honestly, I'm pretty excited. I myself, will be studying. But it's not so bad! I have a HUGE exam tomorrow. And a lot on schedule this week. Medical Conferences, Clinicals, and did I mention the traveling?

So I'm going to leave you with a song, that this Mr. is currently grooving on. He's having some issues, with a friend or two. I think this song, just tells it, like he feels it. "Be yourself, by yourself, stay away from me."



In the meantime, I'm going to grab some lunch. And my favorite pillow. Probably change into a comfy sweatsuit. And crack open the books. It feels good, to get to study, such life changing things.

Have a great week friends! Most of my posts this week, will be scheduled. But I will "pop in" from time to time. Happy Sunday! ♥

Let It Be

Recently, I feel like many of my posts, have been "heavy." My heart has been heavy. Broken. My soul, has been in need of repair. I've been carrying so much! And need to just breathe.

Much of it, has been because of my brother. Who just makes me feel so uneasy. He rubs me, the wrong way. I can't trust him. He's just so sly. Doing the worst things, under the radar. And no one else, really seems to bring it up. But it bothers me. So much!

In so many ways, he's destroyed our family. He's still doing it. Making life miserable, for so many! And I'm not sure, what I should do. But it bothers me. It bothers me, that he steals from everyone. That he lies. That he makes a fool, out of people. Then hides from it. Doesn't own up, to the things that he does.

It bothers me, that he hurts the people that I love, so much! That he makes up excuses for it. That he brings his problems, to the rest of us. Expecting us, to make them go away. He's just evil. And I don't know what to do about it. I hate to bring it up here. But it's been on my mind. And it needs to get out!

And then, I've been missing so many people. That have gone before me. To meet our Maker. Really missing our time together. The things we shared. Time that we shared. Just being together. I've been so emotional lately!

Also, I've been so worried about my Dad. Hoping that his health improves. That things get easier for him. And my Mom. I just worry a lot, about the 2 of them. I wish that I could do more for them. Carry more of the burdens. Make things better, and easier, for them.



But I know, that I can't really, do much more. I do a lot already. I ALWAYS put my family first. I've sacrificed so much for them. But at some point, we all need to carry our own burdens. We all have our crosses to bare. The hardships, that we need to deal with. On our own. I know this. But it's still hard!

I know, that I can't change things. That I can't make everyone's pain go away. Even if I try. I know that sometimes, you just need to "Let It Be." God knows the "Master Plan." He knows why we must "suffer." Why we have certain crosses to bare. Why some people "get away with it," while others have to "face" their problems!

Sometimes, we have to go though "rough" patches. To value the good times. I know this. In my brain, I know this. But in my heart, I wish I could make all those tough things, go away. Sometimes, we just need to learn that we need to "Let It Be."

Because there is no changing life. Sometimes things, just need to work themselves out. And sometimes, we need to let go of certain things. And certain people. That can be the hardest. But I'm learning how to do it.

"Let It Be." If it was meant to be, it will work itself out. But we can't sit here, and stress ourselves out, about everything. I know this. But I need to start really believing it! Sometimes, we just can't fix things. Sometimes people don't want to change. And sometimes, we just need to go live our lives. Without worrying about the world. I'm learning how to just "Let It Be." ♥

I Miss Him So!

The last few days, have been rather emotional. I'm not going to lie. I've been trying to keep it together. More because I know that My Guy needed to focus on work. But today, it all seems to be bubbling over the top.

Saturday was my Dad's birthday. I got to have dinner with my parents, on Friday night. It was nice. To just enjoy some time together. To see and hear, a wonderful Mariachi. It was quick, but much needed. Since my Dad got sick in December 2010, I've really cherished every moment with him.

On top of that, my cousin had her baby girl. Early Monday morning. And now, they are a little worried about her health. So they are running a few tests. Please keep them in your prayers. We'd really appreciate that. And honestly, I can't wait to meet, the new sweet baby.

But honestly, I think what's bothering me most is, my Uncle. Sunday marked seven years, since his passing. He was my best friend. ALWAYS had me laughing. We did so much together. He taught me so much. Over the years, he went from being my Uncle, to my best friend.



I still remember, the night that I got the news. I had been away. Teaching a music conference at Disney World. That night, we had performed. And had this AMAZING and fun dinner with friends. It had been a good night. :)

Then I realized, that my phone was in my violin case. I had 20+ missed calls. When I went through them, they were all from my parents. I worried. Immediately, I wondered how my Dad was. I thought about it. It was almost 1AM. Which meant, close to 11PM at my parents' house.

But I couldn't wait anymore. I needed to know what was going on. I found a small room, and sat down. I made the call. And I immediately knew, that something was wrong. My Dad's voice was shaking. He told me, that my Uncle had past away, in his sleep.

This was so shocking! He had been in the hospital. For something completely unrelated, to what he past away from. My parents had just seen him. Right before he was released, from the hospital. They had joked around. Because it was my Dad's birthday.

But when he went home, it was just his time. I remember, not knowing what to do. Being across the country. Obligated to this job. My friends rallied around me. Assured me, that they could handle the next few days. And that they'd get me home.

At the time, a friend was living with me. So I called her. In the middle of the night. And she packed a bag for me. Made sure that my car was full of gas. While this guy got me a plane ticket home.

I flew home. Had another friend, pick me up from the airport. Drove me, the hour, to my home. And I drove, for the next 3 hours. Hoping, that I'd make it in time for the service.

My cousin broke my heart. She was devastated! Kept telling me, that she should have been better to him. That I knew her pain. Because I was so close to him. I didn't know what to say. Or do. I was numb.

We prayed. People talked about my Uncle. I could see him from afar. But I didn't have the guts, to go up to his casket. We went back to my parents' house. Knowing that the next morning, we'd say our final goodbyes.

I spent that night writing. Writing a letter to my Uncle. This amazing man. That ALWAYS put others before himself. With this GIANT heart. Made of gold. I cried. For the first time, I was alone with my thoughts. And it finally hit me. He was gone.

The next morning, I got up early. Got dressed. I'd be playing for the funeral. And I wasn't sure, just how I was going to do it. I told my parents, that I'd meet them at the church. And I left.

Quietly, I made my way into the church. Violin in one hand. My letter in the other. And I walked down that aisle, to my Uncle. Where I said my final goodbye. Placed my letter in his casket. And realized for the first time, this would be the last time I'd see him.

It pulled at my heart. The following 2 hours, rushed by. I didn't feel like, I was really there. More of floating above, the services. I remember leaving the church, for the cemetery. I remember seeing the casket go down. The dirt covering it up. I remember, going to my aunt's house. Changing my clothes. Saying my goodbyes.

I drove 3 hours to my home. Had a friend drive me, another hour to the airport. And then, took a plane ride back to Florida. I'm still not sure, how I managed the next week. But I did.

Since that day, I've felt this emptiness in my heart. A place that I'm positive, will always be empty. With each passing year, it gets harder. I know that it should get easier. But for me, it gets harder. Maybe because I miss my Uncle so much.

Or maybe because, I'm remembering less and less about him. On a recent trip home, I stopped, to visit his grave. And my Auntie's grave. I feel a sense of peace, when I'm near them. Of being "whole" again. Knowing that we're close, to one another.

I hope, that I never forget, the important things. What made my Uncle, well my Uncle. His generosity. His caring heart. His great sense of humor! I want to pass on his memory. To the generations, that didn't get to meet him. I want for people, to be inspired by him. To know, that he made the world, a truly better place! ♥

2 Years...

2 years ago, my brother came back, into our lives. We were hopeful. Our family has been through a lot. We wanted his arrival, to be a good thing. To be a starting place, to heal our family.

Maybe I was just naive about what was to come. My brother. The oldest. The one that was never around. Always shady. But the one, we were all told, to be proud of. I had hoped, things would be better. Better than they had been, all those years ago.



These days, I'm not feeling it. I'm frustrated with him. The way he behaves. The things he does. How he treats people in our family. The way he talks down to everyone. The way, he treats my parents. Especially, my Mom.

He talked the "Big Talk." Actually, he still does. But, he has failed to walk the "Big Walk." In every way that you can imagine. It's so frustrating! But, we're not supposed to say anything. or do anything. Even though, he wants everyone to baby him. To take care of him. To provide for him.

Not me. I'm done. I'm super frustrated. Totally annoyed! And I've stopped walking on "eggshells." I'm speaking my mind. Whether people agree with me, or not. Whether they like it or not. I just can't live like this anymore. It's so frustrating!

I just don't understand it. 2 years have past. He's done nothing with his life. Only made our entire family, more uncomfortable. Only created more problems. Only made the rifts bigger. Only made me resent him more.

It's sad really. I don't want to have this hard heart. Or these horrible feelings. But I can't help myself. I've been hurt, way too many times. I can't deal anymore. I almost feel like, I need to write him off. To cut off the "dead part" of my life.

2 years later, lots of things have changed. Not for the better. That's unfortunate. But I can't control these things anymore. I can't keep lugging this dead weight. It's not fair to me. I've extended my hand. Looked the other way. Tried to see past all the bad stuff.

But I can't do it anymore. It's begun to kill me. From the inside out. And I need to start thinking about me again. It's tough. But it's the reality of being a grown up. ♥

Happy Birthday Boss!

6 years ago, I made a triple chocolate cake. Called my nephew up. And I waited. When he walked into my parents house, I surprised him. With a birthday cake. And he cried. I had never realized this, until that moment, he had never had a birthday cake. Yes, my nephew, that is in his 30s, had his first birthday cake. That day!

Since that day, life has not been very easy for my nephew. He almost died. Spent most of a summer in the hospital. Later, lost his wife, step kids, and young son. She just wasn't strong enough. And he was like a small child. Trying to relearn, everything that had been taken from him. But, he is now recovering. Doing better. Living with another one of my nephews, and their friend. Everyone is cheering on my nephew. Watching this miracle happen.

He's getting stronger. Remembering more. Talking. Heck, he even taught himself how to drive again! Yes, things are looking up for my nephew. :)

And today is his birthday. His "Little Auntie" is once again baking. His favorite chocolate cake. With chocolate chips! And I'm so excited for him to come over.



I made the special trip, back to my hometown. To celebrate this amazing day. Just a few years ago, we weren't sure, if we'd get the chance to celebrate again. Today, we're celebrating this amazing man. And just how far his gotten. We all Thank God, that he gave us back "The Boss!" Happy Birthday! ♥

Restful Reading

Today, My Guy had to work. He left early, to catch a cross-country flight. I opted to stay in bed. In our beautiful suite. And rest. The last few days of performing, with my current health issues, is really kicking my butt. Usually, I'd travel with this guy. Enjoy the days activities. But not today.

Today, I slept in. Woke up late. So happy that My Guy had ordered me a late breakfast. Yes, I'm in LOVE with Room Service! And I curled up, with the best strawberry crepes. And this book...



I actually came across this the other day. While shopping with my Mom. And I couldn't pass it up! Not for $2.97!!! When did Wal-Mart, start selling books, for this price? So I bought it. Along with 10 others. All for this great price. When you read as much as me, you really do get excited about news like this. :)

I spent a good portion of my afternoon, snuggled deeply in my blankets. Reading this great story. I don't regret a second of my day. Lately, I've been putting on this brave face. Today, I just listened to my body. And rested.

It also helped, that this wonderful man, came back early. And we spent, the last few hours cuddled up. Napping. I think we need to schedule in, a few more days like this. ♥

Please Pray

I had this really fun post, planned for today. But the life, just got sucked out of me. My parents just called me, with some bad news. And I have a favor to ask you. Can you please say an extra prayer, for my nephew and his family?



Today, he was diagnosed with leukemia. My nephew is in his 30s. Married. And the father of 5 boys. An amazing family! He's such a family man. He had just inherited part of his family's Ranch. And was planning on some amazing things for it. To provide his boys, with a good and solid future. That's the kind of man he is. Always thinking of others.

Unfortunately, life had a different plan. My nephew had been losing weight. And not feeling well. He attributed it, to his stress. He has been out of work for about a year. Unfortunately, that wasn't the reason. He is sick. And this is so serious!

I just ask that you keep him, and his amazing family, in your thoughts and prayers. It's going to be a long road. And I just can't imagine, what his family is facing. The youngest of the boys, are twins. 4 years old! they have no clue what is going on.

God is so amazing. And we're placing all of our trust and prayers, in his hands. But one, can never have too many prayers. My Dad is a great example of that! Please pray. Our family needs it so desperately, right now. ♥

The Day My Life Changed...

I didn't realize, that a year ago, my entire life would change. One year ago, my Dad got sick. My Mom called me that morning, and I rushed home. That 3 hour drive, seemed to take forever! Thank God, I had this guy with me.

I immediately knew, something was wrong. This wasn't the "usual" situation. And by that night, we were at the hospital. Unsure of what our future held. My Dad looked horrible. We became the priority case. And immediately, we were in ICU. We spent the next week or so, by my Daddy's bedside. Watching him. Praying for him. Taking care of him.

Christmas came and went. New Year's quickly followed. And soon we were home. My Dad was weak. But alive. And home. It took us days, to unwrap the few gifts that we had bought. Our family is totally a "Shopping Procrastination Family." My Mom and I quickly shopped the sales. Bought gifts for the kids. Bought food and essentials. And spent the next few weeks, hosting family. And taking care of my Daddy.

Over the last year, we've all adjusted. My Dad gets so frustrated with himself. With the fact that he can't do the things he used to do. My Mom and I, have become experts in Health Care. We now see our family doctor once a month. Take semi-monthly trips to the pharmacy. All of that stuff.

My Mom has adjusted the most. Other than my Dad. She had to learn lots of things. How to check my Dad's blood. How to give him a shot. My Dad had to learn how to eat differently. There were lot of changes to their daily life.

Nowadays, my Dad drives less. He naps more. His energy is maybe 1/2 of what it was a year ago. His balance is off, most days. There are more pills. Lots more insurance. And calls to companies. Lots of patients. Lots of time to get places.

There are also those weeks, when my Dad is just out of it. When he doesn't feel right. And just wants to sleep. When he is feeling horrible. When we need to really watch over him, and nurse him. When he feels depressed, and moody. The times when I try to be there. When I pray the most.

A year ago, my Dad would drop us off at the Mall. Walk around a few times, before sitting down, to wait for my Mom and I, to finish shopping. These days, he has a Handicap Parking Sticker. One of us has to walk him in. And find him a place to sit. On a good day, I can convince him, to walk around a store, once. Before he gets completely exhausted!

There have been falls. There have been prescription changes. New treatments. And lots and lots of patients! But things are looking up. My Dad's numbers are improving. At a much more rapid pace, than one would expect. Soon, he'll be off his shots. And his medication lowered.

But there have definitely been changes. I spend more time, with my parents. More time helping them. More time taking care of everyone. I don't mind. I'm glad to be able to do it. I also have this guy, who makes it all possible!

A year ago, I was pleading with God. Asking for one more year. I needed one more year. It wasn't his time yet. I vowed to take care of my Daddy. To do whatever needed to be done. I begged God. Every night, when everyone would leave, and my Mom would sleep, I'd sit there. Praying for my Daddy. Holding his hand. Encouraging him to fight.

The last year has been tough. My parents own a business. One that doesn't take a break. Ever! One that put more and more responsibilities, on my shoulders. I was more than ready to help out. I've learned much more about the business. Learned, done work, and honestly...just tried to keep up. My Dad was used to getting up and starting his work day at 3AM. These days, he naps from 6AM-8AM. Then again from 10AM-1PM.

But most of all, I've tried to bring my family together. Tried to remind my brothers, we need to be there for our Dad. I wish that I could find my sisters. And encourage them to come back. We need to pull together. Our Dad is not a young guy. He's nearly 80. And he needs us. Honestly, we're lucky to have him. And we should all appreciate, this second chance. We got our Dad back. To love. And make memories with. Thank you God. The last year has meant so much to me! ♥

Why We Hide It...

"Love is patient. Love is kind, and is not jealous; love does not brag. And is not arrogant."
~1 Corinthians 13:4.

People ask me all the time, why would My Guy and I keep our relationship out of the public eye. Why doesn't my family know? Why would I be OK, being in the background, when we are in public? Why am I OK, with him paying someone else, to publicly take the heat? Why am I OK with all of this?

To begin with. It didn't start this way. We had a long distance relationship. My close friends knew about My Guy. My best friend met him. Loved him. Fell in love with his best friend. My Mom knew I was dating someone. And after 6 months or so, they had a long conversation on the phone. Later, she would meet him. While my Dad was in the hospital.

But this entire time, I've also been battling the Big C. Dealing with all that it is. Trying to stay on top of it. My Guy, has never once failed me. Or been upset with my situation. He's right by my side. Takes care of me. Holds me when I'm at my weakest. Takes me to doctor's appointments. Changes his schedule, to fly with me. So I can meet with specialists.

And that's exactly, what My Guy has always been all about. My biggest cheerleader. We both have very public jobs. Jobs that put us out there. Places that we're not always comfortable with. But we've signed up for our jobs. So we take all that comes with it.

That doesn't mean that we have a magic wand, that makes everything perfect. But we've both learned from our past relationships. Learned what works for us as an individual. What we both want in our lives.

From the beginning, we've had those ridiculously serious conversations. I've been blunt with my health. Never holding back. Never holding back, what I wanted, or expected from a relationship. My Guy, also laid it all out on the table for me. And we just have this understanding.

I moved East. So that we had a chance. So that we could figure all this out. And now, we're like a married couple. In many ways. Mondays are our Sundays. We spend most of the day in bed. Sleeping. Recovering from the other 6 days of the week. I cook every meal that I can. I clean. He works Tuesdays. And usually Thursdays-Sundays. We have those disagreements about clothes all over the floor. Where we're going to be, for various holidays. How and when, we're going to travel. Things like that.

But guess what else? My Guy supports me going to college. Getting these ridiculous degrees. Working crazy hours. He understands that I want to pay for my education. And at times, that's not easy. So I work. In music. A very demanding schedule. Many times, we spend many hours flying, from state to state, to be supportive of one another.

He sits in the audience. Watching me. Cheering me on. Being my biggest supporter. I still sit on Sundays, cheering him on. Making sure that he has everything that he needs, to be successful at his career. We're always there for each other. Especially on the bad days. Like when he walks in, and tells me, "I'm done. It's time to walk away. This job is too much." I get him to calm down. Realize it was a bad day. Things are going to get better. Work isn't always going to be like this.

Not everything is perfect. We don't have anyone to look at. To use as a guide, for our lives. Because our situation is different. He has a very public job. Makes money, from fans. And "Meet and Greet," type of situations. He has asked me many times, do I want to be more public? Do I want to go to these events? Not wear his company's shirts. You know, be at his side. Do I want to stand at his side, in public, every weekend?

I want to scream "YES," from the rooftops. Like I know he wants to do. But with my health, I just don't think it could be a possibility. Not right now. It feels unfair. Tough. I feel like, I'm a bad girlfriend. I should be stronger. I should be able to handle this. But when I first got sick, I was in another relationship. One that found people following me. To write about me. About my situation. To add these stories to "rag mags," and blogs.

This time around, I'm more cautious. Few people, really know who this guy is. His friends know about us. His family knows. A good group of my friends know. My Mom knows. But we're careful. My Guy is someone that wants to make sure, I'm safe. And taken care of. That I'm OK. This isn't his first rodeo. He's been through this before. And realizes how hurtful and nasty the public can be.

So we've talked about this. We have a plan in place. People don't realize, but we've almost been in this relationship for 4 years. 4 YEARS!!! We're happy. We live as "normal" a life as possible. We still eat dinner together. We travel together. We sit and watch silly movies. Weekly, we try to have dinner with his family. For a few months, his nieces lived with us. We're dedicated to each other. 100% That's all that matters!

But this past week, I knew he needed someone at his side. His PR team had been putting the pressure on him. We talked about this. Almost 18 months ago, a similar situation had come up. Then, we paid an employee of his, to stand by his side. That's it. Stand there. Don't say anything. Just be there. At the same time, it helped to calm the waters for us. I found that people stopped looking at me, every single time I ventured out. My life got simpler. When they thought he was with her...

Late November rolled around. And we knew something had to be done. A meeting was called. His close family came, his team, and boss. The decision was made. Call that same employee. All week, they've been seen publicly. All week, I've been there. In the background. Not having to deal with nonsense. Being able to enjoy myself. My Guy has been able to relax a little. Enjoy everything that has come, from all his hard work.

All week, at night, we went to many private parties and functions. Where I was able to be at his side. He came to see me, and the band perform. We could walk out, hand in hand, not having to look over our shoulders. It was amazing! The exact reason, why we keep "us" secret.

But Friday, people got crazy. This guy showed up for an event. Moments later, things were blowing up. People had lots of stuff to say. Nothing too nice. About his companion. About his decisions. Immediately, he was sending me texts. "We were right." "Glad we decided not to tell." "I'm glad you don't have to deal with all this s*&t!"

And there you go, the real reason why we keep "us," from everyone else. His company has received so much inquiry, about that poor girl. So many people are mad. Upset. And that person, well, people won't leave her alone.

Yes, I'm glad we decided not to share "us." I couldn't handle it. Not right now. Not with my health. Not with my Dad's health. I know how these people work. And right now, it's honestly too much to handle.

Like I said, I know we picked our careers. But we didn't necessarily pick everything else, that has come with them. We'd like to keep our "privates lives," well...private. That shouldn't be too much to ask for.

After the event, and my show, on Friday night...My Guy took me in his arms. Whispered in my ear, "I'm glad your in my life. Dang it, I wish that I could show you off to the world. I've never been happier. Never in my life. Never been prouder of anyone. Whatever it takes, I'm going to keep you safe. I love ya Doll Face." My Love, I LOVE you too! I'm not going anywhere. Regardless of what happens, I'll always stand by my man. ♥

Praying

"Behold I will close their wounds and give them health, and I will cure them: and I will reveal to them, the prayer of peace and truth."
~Jeremiah 33:6

Please say an extra prayer, for my best friend. She is having surgery today. Hills has had a tough 2 years. And needs all the love, prayers, and support we can send her way. My Guy and I were supposed to be there today. But are currently snowed in. Hills we love you! Can't wait to see you soon. Remember, we're always with you and Baby C! ♥

My Sisters

Always In My Heart

It pains me to see you leave,
But I never forget what I've learned through the years we've gone through.

It hurts me to know,
After awhile you'll confide in someone else, not me.

I'll always be there for you,
Even after the end is heaven comes.
I'll always stay true to our bond as one and won’t ever let go.

You are my sister,
And my very best friend of all time,
It's so true.
We'll be that way even after the end has come for us.

You are a part of me,
And never will you ever leave my heart.
All the times we've shared,
Even when we didn't really care at all.

Don't let anyone take my place,
They'll never face or change our times together.

The laughs,
The tears,
The fears,
They have built up through the years.

I'll never let us part,
Because you'll always have a special place in my heart.

~Tiffany Van Epps

I miss my sisters. I've never been close to my older sister. We've spoken very few words to one another. But my other 2 sisters, for years and years, we were close. Especially my middle sister and I.

I haven't seen my middle sister in 10 1/2 years. I miss her terribly! We went from seeing each other at least once a day, to not at all. Family problems came between us. And my youngest sister, it's been years. I don't know what happened there.

But I have this hole in my heart. I miss my sisters. I want them in my life. I want to share my life with them. I want to just sit and talk. To share a meal. To catch up. To hug them. And tell them both, just how much, they mean to me. I miss my sisters, with all of my heart! I'll NEVER stop loving them. Not ever! ♥

A Beautiful Woman

My heart is breaking tonight. We lost a dear, and beautiful woman today. The world was blessed with 88 amazing years. Years that she shared her grace, beauty, and love. Miss M spread joy wherever she went. Shining bright. Open arms, and open soul.

She will be missed. I just can't believe that I won't get to have another conversation with her. We won't share another hug. Or amazing story from the past. But I am grateful for all the time we shared. Although brief, I learned so much. From this beautiful soul.

Our hearts go out to her amazing family. Their hearts are broken tonight. I pray that they find comfort in the coming days. Knowing that Miss M is in a better place. Celebrating a beautiful life with Our Creator. ♥

When Your Past Comes Back to Haunt You

We have this friend, she's a spokesperson, for one of the Fortune 500 Companies, that we all know and love. She was very good at her job. It was the perfect fit for her personality.

And because we all travel together, we've personally gotten closer. To the point that I'd go running with her. We'd spend significant time together. It wasn't unusual for her to join us for dinner. This was a real friendship. Much more than a professional, work type of a relationship.

Well, she didn't make the best decisions as a young adult. And very recently, some questionable photos became public. As they say around here, "Her past came back, to bite her in the butt." And oh did it! In short, she lost her job. Her "Dream Job." And with it, I think a part of who she is. Unfortunately, she also lost the respect of so many people.

The last few weeks haven't been too kind to her. Lots of lawyers. Lots of heartbreak. A ton of shame. She just can't believe what's going on. How one bad decision, years ago, could be doing this to her life now. You can't help but feel bad for her. But then, I think to myself, I'd never do that. I'd never do that, because this very thing could happen. And I couldn't deal with that.

I feel bad for our friend. Because what happened, well it's just was sad. Shameful. And uncalled for. Something that she did when she was young, came back to haunt her. Pictures that she took, meant for one other person, are now available for all to see. Being the "dumb kid," years ago, has really had a negative effect on her current life.

In short, when you become a "public" person, anything and everything, becomes game. It's unfortunate. But it happens. All of a sudden, you are this very "public entity." And everyone wants to take you down. So all your past gets thrown around. Whether it was good or bad.

I think this is a lesson for young people to learn. Everything and anything that you do, will eventually come back to haunt you. If you wouldn't show your grandma what you're doing, maybe you should think twice, before you do. Especially when it comes to taking "questionable" pictures. Yes, you might be madly in love today. But just like our friend, tomorrow you might hate each other. And that person, might just want to embarrass you. Right when you land your "Dream Job." ♥