Monday, December 5, 2011

Why We Hide It...

"Love is patient. Love is kind, and is not jealous; love does not brag. And is not arrogant."
~1 Corinthians 13:4.

People ask me all the time, why would My Guy and I keep our relationship out of the public eye. Why doesn't my family know? Why would I be OK, being in the background, when we are in public? Why am I OK, with him paying someone else, to publicly take the heat? Why am I OK with all of this?

To begin with. It didn't start this way. We had a long distance relationship. My close friends knew about My Guy. My best friend met him. Loved him. Fell in love with his best friend. My Mom knew I was dating someone. And after 6 months or so, they had a long conversation on the phone. Later, she would meet him. While my Dad was in the hospital.

But this entire time, I've also been battling the Big C. Dealing with all that it is. Trying to stay on top of it. My Guy, has never once failed me. Or been upset with my situation. He's right by my side. Takes care of me. Holds me when I'm at my weakest. Takes me to doctor's appointments. Changes his schedule, to fly with me. So I can meet with specialists.

And that's exactly, what My Guy has always been all about. My biggest cheerleader. We both have very public jobs. Jobs that put us out there. Places that we're not always comfortable with. But we've signed up for our jobs. So we take all that comes with it.

That doesn't mean that we have a magic wand, that makes everything perfect. But we've both learned from our past relationships. Learned what works for us as an individual. What we both want in our lives.

From the beginning, we've had those ridiculously serious conversations. I've been blunt with my health. Never holding back. Never holding back, what I wanted, or expected from a relationship. My Guy, also laid it all out on the table for me. And we just have this understanding.

I moved East. So that we had a chance. So that we could figure all this out. And now, we're like a married couple. In many ways. Mondays are our Sundays. We spend most of the day in bed. Sleeping. Recovering from the other 6 days of the week. I cook every meal that I can. I clean. He works Tuesdays. And usually Thursdays-Sundays. We have those disagreements about clothes all over the floor. Where we're going to be, for various holidays. How and when, we're going to travel. Things like that.

But guess what else? My Guy supports me going to college. Getting these ridiculous degrees. Working crazy hours. He understands that I want to pay for my education. And at times, that's not easy. So I work. In music. A very demanding schedule. Many times, we spend many hours flying, from state to state, to be supportive of one another.

He sits in the audience. Watching me. Cheering me on. Being my biggest supporter. I still sit on Sundays, cheering him on. Making sure that he has everything that he needs, to be successful at his career. We're always there for each other. Especially on the bad days. Like when he walks in, and tells me, "I'm done. It's time to walk away. This job is too much." I get him to calm down. Realize it was a bad day. Things are going to get better. Work isn't always going to be like this.

Not everything is perfect. We don't have anyone to look at. To use as a guide, for our lives. Because our situation is different. He has a very public job. Makes money, from fans. And "Meet and Greet," type of situations. He has asked me many times, do I want to be more public? Do I want to go to these events? Not wear his company's shirts. You know, be at his side. Do I want to stand at his side, in public, every weekend?

I want to scream "YES," from the rooftops. Like I know he wants to do. But with my health, I just don't think it could be a possibility. Not right now. It feels unfair. Tough. I feel like, I'm a bad girlfriend. I should be stronger. I should be able to handle this. But when I first got sick, I was in another relationship. One that found people following me. To write about me. About my situation. To add these stories to "rag mags," and blogs.

This time around, I'm more cautious. Few people, really know who this guy is. His friends know about us. His family knows. A good group of my friends know. My Mom knows. But we're careful. My Guy is someone that wants to make sure, I'm safe. And taken care of. That I'm OK. This isn't his first rodeo. He's been through this before. And realizes how hurtful and nasty the public can be.

So we've talked about this. We have a plan in place. People don't realize, but we've almost been in this relationship for 4 years. 4 YEARS!!! We're happy. We live as "normal" a life as possible. We still eat dinner together. We travel together. We sit and watch silly movies. Weekly, we try to have dinner with his family. For a few months, his nieces lived with us. We're dedicated to each other. 100% That's all that matters!

But this past week, I knew he needed someone at his side. His PR team had been putting the pressure on him. We talked about this. Almost 18 months ago, a similar situation had come up. Then, we paid an employee of his, to stand by his side. That's it. Stand there. Don't say anything. Just be there. At the same time, it helped to calm the waters for us. I found that people stopped looking at me, every single time I ventured out. My life got simpler. When they thought he was with her...

Late November rolled around. And we knew something had to be done. A meeting was called. His close family came, his team, and boss. The decision was made. Call that same employee. All week, they've been seen publicly. All week, I've been there. In the background. Not having to deal with nonsense. Being able to enjoy myself. My Guy has been able to relax a little. Enjoy everything that has come, from all his hard work.

All week, at night, we went to many private parties and functions. Where I was able to be at his side. He came to see me, and the band perform. We could walk out, hand in hand, not having to look over our shoulders. It was amazing! The exact reason, why we keep "us" secret.

But Friday, people got crazy. This guy showed up for an event. Moments later, things were blowing up. People had lots of stuff to say. Nothing too nice. About his companion. About his decisions. Immediately, he was sending me texts. "We were right." "Glad we decided not to tell." "I'm glad you don't have to deal with all this s*&t!"

And there you go, the real reason why we keep "us," from everyone else. His company has received so much inquiry, about that poor girl. So many people are mad. Upset. And that person, well, people won't leave her alone.

Yes, I'm glad we decided not to share "us." I couldn't handle it. Not right now. Not with my health. Not with my Dad's health. I know how these people work. And right now, it's honestly too much to handle.

Like I said, I know we picked our careers. But we didn't necessarily pick everything else, that has come with them. We'd like to keep our "privates lives," well...private. That shouldn't be too much to ask for.

After the event, and my show, on Friday night...My Guy took me in his arms. Whispered in my ear, "I'm glad your in my life. Dang it, I wish that I could show you off to the world. I've never been happier. Never in my life. Never been prouder of anyone. Whatever it takes, I'm going to keep you safe. I love ya Doll Face." My Love, I LOVE you too! I'm not going anywhere. Regardless of what happens, I'll always stand by my man.

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