I've never been super close to my family. Not really. Mostly, because I was born between generations. My siblings, well they could be my parents. That's our age gap! All of my cousins are either younger than me, or older than me. No one my age. Not really.
But that never bothered me. I enjoyed spending time with my auntie, uncle, and grandparents. Really enjoyed it. I was used to being around adults actually. My parents would take me to dinners, where they met their friends. I was a regular at their business meetings. It was my "normal."
Honestly, I didn't really know how to socialize with people my own age. Not really. My Bestie and I, well we were inseparable. Until we were teens, and she moved almost 2000 miles away. No lie! Other than her, I didn't have friends my age. Not really.
I mean, I had friends. But not super close ones. Not my age. I had older friends. Friends that always felt way more like family. I assume, that's how most people feel about their cousins. But they were my friends. Little did I know, they'd be my "Forever Friends."
Looking back, I don't know what I would have done, without my friends. You know the old saying, "Friends may come and go. But family is forever." I sorta believe that. But not whole heartily. Mainly because, my friends, my really good friends, have always been there for me. ALWAYS! My family, not so much.
It's not that I have a bad family. It just, the people I was closest to, most of them, have past away. The ones that are still alive, I'm not really close to. They will always be there. They're family after all. But they are definitely, not the people I turn to, when things go wrong.
I'm not saying that every friend I have, is a super close friend. No. That's not how I work. Literally, I'm one of those people, that builds up walls. And only let certain people in. And it takes a long time! Because I'm afraid of getting hurt. Of getting really hurt.
I've had many, many, many "acquaintances." MANY! But that doesn't mean, that we're best friends. Or that I'd call them, say when my house floods. But that's life. There are those people, that I meet through work. Through performing. Perhaps, I met them because of family. They're friends. But not really close friends. Do you know what I mean?
But then, I have these super close friends. Friendships that just happen so quickly. I don't see it coming. Like Manders. Who would have thought? Some random makeup artist, would become one of my very best friends! There's Mayu. Who I met, in my first few days of college. Over 10 years later, we're still close. There's this guy. Who the heck would have thought? Not me! Teachers, bosses, and that girl I met at the gym.
Not all of these relationships turns out great. I wish they would. But that's not how life works. Little G and I, became fast friends. We were almost inseparable, that one semester. We would stay up talking, until 2AM. Two or three times a week! When she moved, we still talked, e-mailed, and wrote each other. But then, well things got crossed. A misunderstanding, lead to two very unhappy people. Two MySpace messages. Which probably shouldn't have been sent. And one horribly failed friendship. One that I wish, was still going strong!
There was also that girl. My friend. My good friend. We went through a heck of a lot together! And I was positive, she would be my "Lifetime Friend." The only friend that would make it from high school, into "Real Life." It didn't happen. Other people got in the way. And now, we're so bitter towards each other. It's horrible! But in this case, people grow. They change. And sometimes, you just grow in different directions. You lose that part of you, that made you connect as friends.
Friends aren't supposed to judge you. Make assumptions about your life. The kind that are hurtful, untrue, and evil. I've had those kind of friends. That hurt you. But you pray things will change. You endure it. Hoping for the best. And in the end, you have to do what's best for you. You have to just walk away. As much as it hurts, it's the best thing to do!
For me, it's always hard thinking about these things. I'm the kind of friend, that likes to hangout with my friends. Whether it's going to watch a baseball game, cooking for my friends, or just sitting around watching movies. I just enjoy talking to my friends. Sharing our lives together. Being an active part in each other's lives.
In the last few years, I find myself in a different place. I'm almost 2000 miles away, from most of my friends. But I'm grateful for the friends I have. The ones that are super close. And understanding. That don't mind, when a month goes by, without me calling. They get, that sometimes, life just happens. That I get busy. And I never once, have I had to give an explanation!
These are the friends, that I can ALWAYS count on! The ones I call when I'm struggling. The ones that I call, when my world turns upside down. Like when the Big C rears it's ugly head in my life. Or when my Dad was hospitalized. The ones that are there, without you asking for their help. These are my friends, that hug you, take your hand, and tell you...it's going to be OK. And they make you believe it!
These are the same friends, that I can talk to for hours and hours. That make me laugh, with some of the silliest things. Just ask this girl! These are the kind of friends, that call you to meet for lunch. And somehow, lunch lasts 10 hours! That encourage you to chase your dreams. Tell you just how lucky you are, because he really is a catch! My friends surprise me with a new lipgloss when I'm down. Or compliment my new dress. You know, the one that I'm not quite sure of.
I'm lucky, to have this kind of friends. The ones that put their lives on hold, to make sure that you are going to be OK. Those friends that bake you the best cookies, because your day really sucked. They meet you for tapas...just because! Friends who have asked you to be in their lives, every single step of the way. And the ones, that come over, on your worst day, just to watch you sleep. Because, they know, that you need their support.
Luck doesn't even begin to explain it. I have friends that love me, for me. Just because I'm me. Chia pet hair and all! No matter what happens in life, they love me. They want me to do better in life. To be happy. This kind of friend is HARD to find. Incredibly hard to find! So when you find them, you hold on tight. You never let them go. And you make sure, they know, just how important they are to you.
I've had friends hold my hand, when my world was crumbling down around me. I've had friends hold my hair back, when the TPN didn't agree with me. Those that have made me ice cream sundaes, great big ones, when I'd had enough of that man.
Appreciation. Love. Forever grateful. Those are the feelings that I have, for my true friends. The ones, that are always there. The ones, that I don't have to sit there and give explanations to. The ones that are understanding. The friends that trust me, and that I trust in return.
Friendships are complex. Difficult at times. But so rewarding! Rewarding when you have the right kind of friends. And every single day, I thank God for my friends! The ones that are tried and true. Because honestly, I don't know, where I'd be without them. My friends are my beginning and my end. They make me...well me. And make my world, such a magical place. I'm blessed, because I have the best friends in the entire world! ♥
Made Me Sad....
3 years ago