Friday, June 24, 2011


See those balloons. I feel just like them. Yes, that's exactly how I feel. It has to do with a friend. I keep trying to meet her. And it just doesn't work out. A year and a half! People, I just don't know what else to do. I try and try. And it just doesn't work out.

The worst part is, I seem to be the only one trying. Making the effort to call her. To e-mail, text, anything. It's me doing it. She doesn't reach out. Rather, I feel like she tries to guilt me, when I haven't called. I know that I'm sporadic with my communications, but at least I'm making an effort.

I was talking to this guy earlier this morning. Telling him, that I think it's just time for me to give up on this friendship. To just walk away. It's funny. I really felt like she was a good friend. But obviously, that's not how she really feels.

The crazy thing is, I've always been the "breaker upper" in relationships. Whether it was easy or not, when I knew it was over, I'd end it. But with friendships, even the really bad ones, I have trouble ending them. I don't know what it is. It's like I want to save whatever remains, however bad it is, I want to save the friendship.

But I'm beginning to think, it's just time to end this thing. To walk away. And not even pretend. I'm tired off putting everything out there. Of getting nothing back in return. Any type of relationship is about give and take. Friendships are no different.

I've gone through this for a long time. With this particular friend. Even are conversations are pretty one sided. When I've needed a friend the most, like when my Dad was hospitalized, she wanted to talk about beauty products, organizational skills, and shopping. What? Yes, she was not the kind of friend that stopped to realize, I was going through hell. I needed a friend.

Maybe I've been avoiding conflict. Or trying to make up for what happened with Little G. Way back in the day. But I can't keep avoiding this. I completely reworked my schedule to meet her for lunch. Then nothing. Not a call. Nothing. I'm just tired. I'm tired of making the effort. Sometimes, coming to an end, is the only possible decision to be made. ♥

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